by Lisa
Yesterday, my order of supplies arrived from Mr. Doak the paint Nazi (see my March 4th post “Order With Care and If You Dare”). I was not quite sure what I had even ordered as I had pleaded with him to send me whatever I needed JUST to end the conversation and the lashing I was receiving for my lifetime of stupidity. After all the hoopla I had heard about his supplies, I couldn’t wait to get into the box which came hermetically sealed with NASA strength duct tape. Made it seem that much more special. I half expected a blue haze to float from the box and form an image of Da Vinci himself once I cracked the first flap open.
Inside were wonderful bottles of chemicals with weird names and each was also sealed with the duct tape. I’m guessing Mr. Doak has had a problem with leakage in the past. He also included information on how to use the supplies if you ever get them open. Thank God because otherwise I would not have a clue what to do with the likes of aluminum stereate. I can make the Flemish white, thick, thin, and highly reflective for those who like shiny things. I can’t wait to play with it.
I will say I had a moment of panic. As looked over the bill (mind you I did not even know how much he was going to charge my credit card since I ended the conversation prematurely), I saw there were six items listed, but I had only received five. Frantically, I searched through all the paper stuffing for that missing item knowing full well I would have to call Mr. Doak again if I did not find it and inform him that he had made a mistake!!!! My search turned up nothing. I decided to go down the list and check things off. I felt like Wendy in The Shining when she picks up the paper that her maniacal husband has been typing on and all that is written on it over and over is “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. I got to the last item and there it was – the cost of shipping. I genuflected right then and there.
Oh I kid Mr. Doak. I am sure he means well and is a very nice New Yorker. It’s a good thing he is not a doctor though. He would have one lousy bedside manner, and very few patients.
Finally, on another subject, with all the talk in the news about the drugs contaminating our drinking water, are all of you viewers wondering like I am if Bill is doing a little self waterboarding?
On Painting 
Jesuuussss Christ, Lisa. Why do you expose my most guarded secrets. Now everyone will be drinking more water in an effort to get at MY drugs.
I have been waterboarding myself and have learned I can’t keep a secret under such torture. I sing like a canary. I asked myself if I would talk if I knew it would save me but result in the death of 5000 others. The answer: I’d sing like a canary. So then I posed a tougher question to myself. What if talking would save me but wipe out my family? The answer: I would think about it a pair of seconds and then sing like a canary.