Act Now!

By WR Jones

This scene is a Virgina farm my sister and I drove by while looking for something to paint.  Ok, enough about painting.  Here is my latest ongoing aggravation –

I’m watching TV and on comes this loudmouth salesman pushing plastic tape to fix stuff.  Fix a leaky faucet, the garden hose, your spouse’s mouth, etc.  If you want to sell stuff, fine.  The part that pisses me off is the pitch, “3 Rolls of this miracle tape for the give away price of $10” (leaving the poor sacrificing fools only $9.85 profit margin).  Ok, if you want to screw your fellow man and he is willing to take the hit, fine by me.  HOWEVER, don’t further my already rampant annoyance by telling me if I will only act now, in the next few seconds, before this chance of a lifetimes slips by me forever, you will throw in another 3 rolls for FREE!!! all I have to pay is for the extra shipping AND handling.

Here is my question, if you are dipping into the bin to get 3 rolls of tape and you have to get 3 more, how much extra handling is that exactly?  Call me paranoid but, I’m thinking the payment for EXTRA handling actually pays for the tape + profit + shipping + taxes + lunch + screw the sucker fees.

Still, I like the sales concept.  I will sell you this painting for the low low price of $500 + shipping and handling.  If you call me in the next few minutes (no wait, make that the next few months) I will throw in another previously sold painting for FREE, just pay the shipping, repo, and fondling fees.

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Act Now!

  1. lesliepaints says:

    Beautiful landscape, Bill. Really nice hazy look to the trees in the background. The tractor makes it but not without the big tree and barns.

  2. Carol King says:

    Fondling fees? Did I miss something on that infomercial?

    Nice landscape. I love the buildings and of course you are always great at foliage.

  3. rahinaqh says:

    well Bill i can see how passionate you get when matters close to your heart come up … likaaaa your wallet!! all excellent points and worth protesting about and honestly i would get billboards and protest at this tape place if i didn’t have better things to do. (btw, is that offer still on, sounds good…)

    you have outdone yourself with this painting: looks like a 19th century painting done masterfully… very atmospheric Bill!

  4. Bonnie Luria says:

    If the correlation is that the more aggravated you get, the better you paint, then what may I do to push you over the line?
    This painting is a great one Bill. The foliage on the trees, the path leading the eye right in, and the solidity of the buildings is terrific.
    But wait!
    Oh, I’ll not fall victim to that crap ever again. Stuff worth 50 cents being offered at a one time price of $29, no $19, no $9.95 and if you order now, get two of the things you don’t need that break instantly for the price of one and an additional charge of $29.95 for shipping and magic hoax dust.

  5. Beautiful Virginia. I love the treatment of the interior to the building with that hint of a vehicle. Nicely done.

    Am with you on those ads. Acutually…most ads, especially of late, the insurance one with a man imitating a teeneage girl driving.

    So is this going to be a monthly rant?… miss your humor.

  6. wrjones says:

    Leslie – thanks.

    Carol – fondling fees? Did I say that? My mind must have wandered.

    Rahina – A protest sounds like me. I think I will try to get into the audience for the commercial filming. Then I will disrupt, flash my painting and sell it along with some other stuff from my garage that is free except for shipping and fondling, er handling.

    Bonnie – Thanks! But wait! Thanks again. (that was free)

    Cathyann – Thanks, there are some nice looking farms in Virginia. I don’t have a regular rant schedule but will try to work them in as time permits.

  7. Dawn says:

    Thank you for the laugh Bill….I needed it and it felt good. I will try not to screw up the bike, and I’ll hold to my word if I sell that painting in Fort Wayne. Glad to see you are also back and posting. Loved your picture. Glad you are painting again. :>)

  8. Nice painting. And your sis paints too? I’m thinking you should show off the Sister Act soon.

    Your rant about the commercial assures me that I am not missing anything by refusing to watch tv. However, I’m not escaping blaring commercials. Unfortunately.

    I was shopping at Walmart recently and everywhere I went in the store there were little tvs with COMMERCIALS running at full throttle. I looked for a place to unplug them but the store has hidden the power sources.

    No one was watching these loud and annoying ads. I don’t know if the store thinks this approach will actually encourage buying but I hurried past them as quickly as I could and cannot tell you what they were selling.

    I can tell you that the one near the vitamins had a man’s very loud voice announcing how snotty and stuffy his head was and something about mucus thickness. It made me wish I was packing heat.

  9. Your post has me chuckling. Those late night infomercials must be taking advantage of everyone’s insomnia.

    Lovely painting! I like that you have two focal areas going. Nice!

  10. wrjones says:

    Dawn – I will be checking back on that bike soon. Say, don’t try to wiggle out of the deal by selling the painting in another town!

    Diana – It is a huge annoyance with the relentless barrage of unwanted ads. Shell has the tv at the pump that comes on and says a personal hello using your name. Makes me feel special. I have learned to totally tune out the ads to the point I’m not aware of them (except perhaps subliminally – which may explain my unexpected desire to purchase eyeliner, botox, lip gloss and those snazzy red pumps). A friend tells me that whatever subject I mention using gmail, later popup ads are directed to that subject. Not quite sure who to shoot but somebody needs shooting.

    Kim – Thanks. Looked at your paintings. You have really good design skills. Look for me to copy from you. Good artists borrow ideas, great artists steal them. I even stole that quote from a math teacher talking about mathematicians. Still I’m pretty sure it applies to painters as well.

  11. connie says:

    Hi Bill, So glad to see you posting again. O.K. I’ll take the Virginia painting along with the beautifl portrait on the previous post. It’s not marked sold so you can strike out the repo fee.

  12. This painting is just great – the trees, grass, design – the whole thing. I love it!

  13. wrjones says:

    Connie – thanks. You get the next painting (which will be the best ever at a fantastic deal).

    Connie C – thanks. The barn is big enough for your dancers!

  14. Your rants often make me smile, Bill…
    I so often think… Yeah, right… You are offering this “special” one time only thing for the first 12 viewers/callers who call in…
    Excuse me but if you’re advertising on TV or the radio do you REALLY want to only sell 12???
    …. and to make matters worse I hear the same ad for 12 days in a row… hmmmmmm

    Love the painting!

  15. Yes the “target advertising” does indeed make one feel special… and ripped off, if you ask me.

    If you happen to have a facebook page and stay logged in while you go to other sites online, FB knows it and uses those links to profile you for advertisements… and Lord knows what else.

    Here’s the article from SmartMoney.

    Maybe some people don’t care about this, but it sure seems like an invasion of privacy to me.

  16. Eda says:

    Very nice painting, Bill. Looks so crisp and clear.
    As for the tape, it actually sounds miraculous to me, if it delivers what it promises… to fix spouses’ mouths. I know people who would pay any price to get it (imagine when it is offered free…..with just the shipping expenses to take out of the

    Best, Eda.

  17. wrjones says:

    Marian – I should be able to keep you smiling as I’m ranted up to the brim. I need to get a painting done to justify ranting. Hold your smile ’til I’m ready please. Don’t grimace, stern should do it until then.

    Diana – that is a little scary but whoever follows me on the net or in real life will soon drop dead of boredom. Serves em right. I dropped out of facebook from boredom myself. Can’t work myself up to care what person A says about or to person B.
    Damn, my comment is starting to sound like a rant.

    Eda – Thanks. I looked for your latest paintings but can’t tell how recent they are. Please point me to the absolute latest so I can see your progress from 2008. You’ve got a good point about the usefulness of that tape. If you had signed …
    Good, Eda, I could have said Better, bj. Now I’m stuck and you have the last word so you don’t need that tape for me.

  18. Stunning work, just found your blog through a link from carol King. I need to spend more time going through your work.

  19. wrjones says:

    Northpenninegallery – thanks. Stunning? I like that word. Stay as long as you want! It is ok to look at the fine paintings of Carol but do NOT listen to her. She is very radical in her world view. Not at all middle the road like myself and Bonnie. The road to perdition starts with her smooth sounding blog posts. You should probably gather all your friends and relatives and hang out here. You’ll be safe. I’m having a priest bless my keyboard to keep me from saying evil stuff.

  20. ad2050 says:

    Love the painting.

    Click the remote.

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