Abuse of the English Language

By W. R. Jones

As a board certified horse whisperer I can tell you the English translation of the sarcastic remark of the black horse.   “Damn you daft camel, I thought you said there would be water here!”  The gray horse is thinking, “Oh  oh, I must have made a wrong turn back at the tree line.  Now she will be bitch neighing me ’til the cows come home.”

I heard a political analyst remark on tv a few days ago, “It is not in the interest of any republican to see this government succeed.”   Are you shitting me?  How, with the exception of those greedy, power hungry, ego tripped out senators, et al, would it not be in the interest of EVERY person in this country to have the government succeed?

I can’t seem to get the hang of this English language.  The other day I received an envelope that said there was a free prepaid cremation offer inside.   I had to fight to urge to tear it open.  I was afraid it might be one of those too-good-to-believe offers that I would unable to turn down.   What if it was so good I wanted to be cremated immediately to make  the offer deadline?  I still had some chores to do around the house.    I’ve never seen free and prepaid put together like that before.   I started thinking maybe my wife prepaid it.  She was still ticked at me for getting a tiny (by reasonable standards) daub of paint on her favorite dress.  The upside of that incident is for future reference I could mark the color as staining.

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14 Responses to Abuse of the English Language

  1. lesliepaints says:

    I sincerely hope these horses find water…..and better water than we talked about several weeks ago, here. I like the shadow play with the black horse and her little highlights on her back. What a nice change of subject material. Thanks, Bill!

  2. Rhonda says:

    Bill, while I was reading this, the sun came out – for the first time in a week! Look what you add to the world :) You are no dark horse, my friend, but will always be a frontrunner with great form :) Words…why do we painters need words – just paint what you feel. BTW, I like this painting and how the horses are almost a hidden surprise until you really look at the painting.

  3. rahinaqh says:

    a beautiful piece: it tells a lovely story without your narrative:)
    by the way, why were you painting in your wife’s dress?

  4. wrjones says:

    Leslie – thanks. I’m going to do a puppy dog piece next; aiming for the saccharine market.

    Rhonda – thank you. My favorite exchange of words with other painters goes like this: “Hey, got any chocolate to share?” “Ya”.

    Rahina – Well, duh. There are two reasons for wearing my wife’s dress to paint in. Both are obvious to the most casual observer:
    1. I look good in it
    2. I’m not going to get paint on MY clothes

  5. rahinaqh says:

    did i tell you i have an over active imagination? with that info it’s just blown a fuse… it just could not imagine you looking good in a dress Bill. sorry, don’t take it personally but you could post a photo of yourself in action at the easel in your wife’s dress.

  6. Barbara Pask says:

    Hi Bill, This is a wonderful piece, love the landscape and the horses are perfect. Thanks for the laugh, I’m off to read your post to my hubby. Waiting for your book.

  7. Well, Bill, that’s a pretty big ooops!! (much worse but not nearly as funny as when you posted about the blue paint on your pants.

    LOVE your “dry bed” painting…. Were you “out” or did you do it in the studio….??? (Did you glue the horsie’s hooves to the ground????)…. REALLY nice!!!!

  8. wrjones says:

    Rahina – I did get out the paints, camera, and dress, but damn I could not find a good pair of high heels to go with the dress.

    Barbara – thanks. So, let me get this straight, you are going to read this to your husband. Then he falls asleep and you …. is that the plan?

    Marian this painting is totally not plein air. The previous post was and the next post (maybe) will be.
    I see how skilled you are getting at it. I should be painting with you to learn. I wouldn’t pay but I would share my cheese sandwich.

  9. Carol King says:

    You’re lucky you didn’t get trampled by those horses!
    They look cranky.

    I like your dry bed horse painting. But don’t believe for a minute you considered a free pre-paid cremation. There are so many more dresses to get paint on. and sofas, carpets, walls….

  10. Bill, the free cremation letter report follows your last post about how we should accept a few risks in life such as poisoned tylenol. Are you depressed or something?

    I’m worried about you. Maybe you should let your wife go through the mail first and eliminate all those pesky free offers for body disposal.

    This is an accomplished painting. I hope you can rest your mind about lurking dangers and do more of these charming scenes. You probably won’t need any more tylenol.

  11. Ha ha ha….
    I’d LOVE to go out to paint with you anytime!!….

    I’ll stand behind you so I can learn from you…. and …… well…. to better avoid you getting any paint on me.

  12. wrjones says:

    Carol you are totally right. Way more messes to make before I check out; free or no.

    Diana, you are so astute. I have been depressed since throwing away my bottle of Prozac thinking it may have been tampered with and poisoned.

    Marian, I will contact you one of these days to try to join you in one of your group outings; should be fun.

  13. Irene Rencsi says:

    Lovely painting as usual Bill!! and I love your stories.

    I’ve found Murphy’s Oil Soap (wood floor cleaner) cleans dried paint from brushes and clothes. Maybe try it on the inside hem first to make sure it doesn’t remove the colour of the dress, but I’ve had no problems so far.

    Another alternative that I’m sure your wife will love :) is to mix the matching dress colour and drybrush over it. I do that with jeans that only have one or two spots.

    Happy painting! :)

  14. wrjones says:

    Irene – thanks for the cleaning tip. So let me get this straight. For my shirts with ketchup stains, I should mix some red and paint the rest of the shirt? Hey, I like that thinking.

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