By Bill Jones

This is an actual Virginia home.  It is very old by American standards.   Think of all the secrets that have been whispered or left untold behind that blue door and those upstairs windows.

Here is a partial of the Miriam Webster dictionary definition of the word SECRET:

1 a : kept from knowledge or view : hidden b : marked by the habit of discretion : closemouthed c : working with hidden aims or methods : undercover <a secret agent> d : not acknowledged : unavowed <a secret bride> e : conducted in secret <a secret trial>

Here is how it is used as a mantra in the art magazines:   “Learn the Secrets of bold watercolor”; In this issue, the secrets to better pastel landscapes; 10 secrets to fabulous oil portraits;  learn the secrets of the old Masters, etc.

One would suppose if the author is erudite enough to get an article accepted by a high readership national art magazine, said author would know how to look up the meaning of a word in his/her title.   Are the editors of these magazines just as stupid?   Do they read this stuff?

How much of a secret is it if you know it and want to share with 190,000 readers?   You have a really big mouth.  An how did you come across this secret?   Did you find an old document by Rembrandt at a yard sale.   He taught no one?   600 years go by and NO one has any idea how he painted?  But now you will share.   And as we know, once we have these “secrets”, we will paint like Rembrandt.

Strange thing is, the “keepers” of these secrets who are going to let us in on them generally can’t paint any better than they can keep a secret.   So, unless having this secret directly from Rembrandt helps me paint  any better, keep it to yourself.   And if it will make me paint like him, won’t the other 190,000 be able to paint like him too?  So there goes the marketing  advantage.

This stupid trashing of the language extends beyond the art world.  Still the art world is so full of whiffle dust blowers, you need look no further if you are seeking  people full  of secrets and bullshit.

I watched an ad on tv showing yet another pathetically ridiculous  exercise machine for the lower back.   When the actor or “Dr” who must have lost his license for dealing meth started talking about how having this machine fixes your back by having you do nothing but lay there …. here it comes …..   blah blah blah … and this is the  SECRET as to how this machine heals your back in a seemingly magical fashion.    The secret is that it empties a fat wallet thereby removing the imbalance when you sit.

If you will send me a mere $10, I will send you, my obviously very well educated, astute reader, the entire unabridged “secrets” to better blog writing.  Oh, hell, I’ll give it to you for free …. write something interesting!  (This has gone untold for hundreds of years).

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Secret

  1. Carol King says:

    Bill, love the painting of the old brick building. Imagine all the secrets in that old house indeed!

    Most people can’t keep secrets. Or they spill the beans and then say “don’t tell anyone” which means everyone on the east coast now knows. Which reminds me. I have the secret to health and long life. Just send me $200 in a cashier’s check and I’ll be happy to forward you the information. Then you can post it on your blog.

  2. lesliepaints says:

    I know people can’t WAIT to know the SECRETS about anything. Just tell anyone you have one and they want it. It’s only as we age that we don’t care so much about secrets and that is only because we know we can’t remember them anymore! Nice house painting Bill.

  3. the check’s in the mail! I like your painting, and thinking about all the untold secrets.

  4. Rhonda says:

    Listen…do you wanna know a secret…do you promise not to tell? Yes, that old Beatles tune came rushing in when reading this, Bill. Secrets? Hmmm…perhaps reality tv has killed half of them and the media wanting to dig up everything about every semi-celebrity and sports god has killed off the rest. Me…I have a secret. But if I tell you, I’d have to kill you. And I’d rather have you alive to paint wonderful paintings like this one.

  5. Bill,
    I’m going to let out another BIG Secret! You have the funniest, on-target blog on the web, and this post tops the list of entries!! There… it’s out!

  6. I was going to say, apropos the comment you left at my blog, that if I tell you the names of my eye doctor, my shrink and my personal physicist (which are all secrets), I’d have to kill you.

    But I see that Rhonda got there first. Drat!

    Fabulous real estate above.

  7. wrjones says:

    Carol – thanks. If you don’t send me the secret to health and long life forthwith, I won’t live long enough to get this check I’ve written to the postman.

    Leslie – thanks. You are right about secrets as we age. I just don’t care what anyone is doing. That whole book about the Davinci Code was so boring. Nobody keeps a secret of ANY interest for 2000 years. And what could a secret possibly be that is
    worth reading hundreds of boring pages to find out? Just tell me the damn thing; I won’t tell a soul, promise. I can’t keep a secret because I forget it is supposed to be a secret. Then I get so excited I tell the person who told me forgetting that part too.

    Holly – thanks. I can hear those voices from that house from over a hundred years ago, “Honey, would you get up and stoke the fire, and chop some more wood, and plow the field, and milk the cows and spin some wool, and make some soap and candles? I’m tired – think I will sleep in a bit.”

    Rhonda – thanks. Please don’t kill me or tell me any secrets you don’t want to appear on the blog. Except, of course, any secrets to help me paint better, or unload them on the gullible faster.

    Louise – thanks. The humor part comes from the truth of the … Secrets of … blather in the art magazines and other media.

    Aletha – well shoot, I don’t remember what I said on your blog. I will have to read it again. Nothing too stupid I trust. I seem to have developed a desire to paint these houses now, but prefer them with porches for some reason. We never had a porch but my grandparents did. <- WOW, talk about boring; I should write "The daBilly Code"

  8. ok, winter it is. I just like Fall better. I guess I had better paint some Winter if I want to sell it now! hehe

  9. Dear daBilly,
    Every time I watch the teaser videos from the Artists’ magazines, I wonder who they think they are fooling. Honestly! The things they are teaching are so fundamental that anyone who has had a mote of instruction knows it already – and then the demos so trite, completely without depth….
    I enjoyed your rant. Keep it up. Someone has to say it.

  10. Right on, Bill! Every art book has a secret. Every weight loss program has a secret. It is all total bull and I love that you tell it like it is. I don’t know whether the art world or the weight loss industry is holding the title for the most smoke and mirrors, plateful of cow pie ;)
    Nice painting, as an aside, and thanks for the comment on my “Commie” pears ;)

  11. I guess your coming to Virignia to paint houses, WAS a secret. Nice painting.:-)

  12. wrjones says:

    Rebecca – yes, get ahead of the curve. Now is the time to discount the fall items, sell winter, and paint spring and summer.

    K – no worries; I will keep ranting.

    Mary – Start work on some right wing apples. They should have guns.

    Cathyann – are you from Virginia? I’m visiting there in January. Put a log on the fire (make that three logs) for me please.

  13. Barbara Pask says:

    I really like this painting Bill, what medium is this and can I ask what size it is? I promise to keep it to myself if you tell me, lol. Seriously, love the red brick house, a wonderful old homestead.

  14. May your wallet always be fat.. without the painful back… and your secrets always be kept!
    Happy Holidays, Bill!

  15. wrjones says:

    Barbara – thanks. This is a 8×10 oil on linen glued to a panel.

    Marian – thanks. Really enjoying watching you grow so rapidly as a painter; inspiring.

  16. suburbanlife says:

    You gotta laugh! Great blog. Reminds me of a group show I had a work in at the local Municipal gallery several years ago. A chap studied my piece for the longest time, and then sought me out. “Can I use your technique on a work of my own? What is the white drawing and black drawing on the glass made with??” “It’s a secret! But you I will let in on it. Don’t let the secret get around, will ya? That is white and black china marker from Staples. Only 98c. per pencil – the rest is 2 mil glass, about 4 layers of it.” Damn it all, I forgot to patent the “Secret”. What fun, though. People are certainly strange.G

  17. You definitly know the “secret” of a great blot. I enjoy (and laugh my head off) at every post. I will have to admit, however, that I am a sucker for any magazine that promises to reveal painting secrets. Once again I’ve been duped.

  18. wrjones says:

    Suburbanlife – that is an excellent secret; won’t tell a soul.

    Connie – thanks. I read those things too knowing they are going to be the magic that will make my painting better. All I need is the secret to preparing the canvas; then wala a masterpiece. Or maybe it is the secret to mixing the medium – that must be it.

  19. pegisue says:

    Dang it!! I have been working with hidden aims or methods for so long that I don’t know what I’m doing!! And the most interesting writing on my blog comes from YOU!!!!LOL


  20. pegisue says:

    Bill, send me your email address!! I got 2 pics of my dog SO not looking at the camera!!!!!!LOL

  21. rahinaqh says:

    the painting is wonderful Bill: it is very peaceful and that little house is just perfect to live in: not much cleaning required:) secrets… surprising that someone who rants everything out should actually know the meaning of this( i see you had to check the dictionary for a definition). so, i guess you have no secrets since they are all public/blog knowledge.

  22. wrjones says:

    Rahina – for you I have NO secrets

  23. Anna Surface says:

    Very well done and beautiful painting. It reminds me of when I lived in Virginia and those old stately homes… Secrets? Usually, I have found and in my own opinion, that when one has a secret to tell, one is a liar.

  24. wrjones says:

    Anna – I guess there are no liars in the art world as there certainly are no secrets. They are all published.

  25. I enjoyed your recent work, Bill. And I guess it wouldn’t entice many people to buy magazines if the articles were titled, “Review What You Already Know”.

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