An Apple A Day

By WR Jones


I couldn’t spell “feeble” in a chat the other day.  Maybe that is why they call me feeble minded.   I didn’t have time to look it up and didn’t want the person on the other end of the chat to know I was an idiot.  Don’t know why I stress over it; by the end of the conversation she probably had it figured out anyway.

In the chat I substituted the word apple in place of feeble.  Why?  Because I knew how to spell apple (although I don’t know for how much longer I will be able to spell that word either).  Of course that particular substitution then threw the sentence into disarray so that it made no sense at all.  Screw it, I didn’t feel like talking anyways.

I started this painting in Susan’s back yard then finished it in my bathtub weeks later.  I was in the bathtub trying to clean up after getting dirty crawling under that fence to avoid looking at the No Trespassing sign.   That way I could plead ignorance.  It often works as the deputies almost immediately agree with me on that point.

You may note some interesting brush work on this piece caused by my nervous twitching at every little sound.  Ever since the neighbor’s dog was killed by a mountain lion my ears are tuned so finely I can hear a cricket pass wind from the bad grass he was eating.  I’m getting a little better as my hearing aid batteries run down.

If you eat only apples you should stay pretty thin I’m guessing.  My daughter was telling me about a case of flesh eating bacteria in a 10 year old boy.   Sounds bad – is bad.  However, being the optimist you know me to be, I was thinking maybe we could harness this little fellow (the bacteria) and train him to eat fat only.  Ya, you are on the wavelength baby, make billions with a B.  And with that money be able to eat fine fat food all day long.  Then kiss one of the laboratory beauties (for a fee) and get exposed to the fat eating bacteria.

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Plein Air. Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to An Apple A Day

  1. lesliepaints says:

    That texture on the branch that you created is awesome. Looks like bark and the inclusion of cross contour strokes works and rounds that branch out nicely. Then the smoothness of the apples. Ah..nice contrast. If you could make that billion, you won’t ever worry about “paint money”!

  2. rahinaqh says:

    hi Bill, you have caught a wonderful sense of sunlight and shadow on the appple tree. I love the angle of that apple in the foreground and that branch is wonderfully ‘barky’. as for your story… a good laugh, you crawling around with rucksack of paints on back etc r.

  3. wrjones says:

    Lesliepaints – Thanks. If I could get that billion I could paint thicker; no need to conserve paint.

    rahinaqh – Thanks. There was just enough room under that fence for me to crawl through. Didn’t notice ground was sort of muddy until I came out on the other side.

  4. Carol King says:

    Great painting, Bill. I love the brush strokes branch and apples!

    Great idea about the fat eating bacteria. Let me know once it’s FDA approved.

  5. 100swallows says:

    Ditto, Bill, I like the painting, especially the elbow branch and the angle of that right apple. Maybe your hearing is going but your eyesight is spectacular. How close are you to that branch? Did you take a ladder with you under the fence?

  6. Rhonda says:

    Dammit, Bill, I just had to clean off my monitor, my keys and my desk! I am going to stop reading your blog when I am drinking coffee because that stuff goes everywhere when you have a mouthful and read about changing feeble to apple because you could spell apple!!!
    Nice painting, BTW, but I’ve got to take my cup to the kitchen now so I can read more…

  7. wrjones says:

    Carol – thanks. You don’t look like you need my bacteria.

    100swallows – thanks.

    Rhonda – I suppose it could be funny to read about an old man racing to lose his mind. I’m not chucling cause I can’t spell it. I’m not appleling either.

  8. Barbara Pask says:

    Very nice apples Bill and I love all the texture I see in the tree limb.

  9. So… hmmm, let me get this straight. You want to be known as someone who is appleminded?

    You may actually be on to something with this new term. It sounds mysterious and organic… even politically correct, at least for vegetarians.

    And it would be a good name for a rock band.

  10. Dawn says:

    Sweet painting…can’t imagine you finishing it in the bathtub??!!***

    Hey…My friends want me to help them start a web site to connect clients who want to commission art work (of any kind)…so I’m trying to get some feed back. Would something like that interest most-some artists…or not at all???? And what would you or other artists want from a site like that -that’s not already offered??? Only if you have the time…

  11. pegisue says:

    Bill, I don’t know what I would do without your humor!! You have kept me quite amused over the last few weeks!!!! THANKS!!!

    Maybe I got some “fat eating virus” when I was in the hospital…does it take a few weeks to germinate or whatever it does??? Haven’t noticed too much fat loss yet…But, there is always hope!!!:)

  12. pegisue says:

    EWWW! My little profile pic looks like a MRSA bacteria!!LOL

  13. Lori says:

    Lovely painting as usual Bill. I love that bark and the twitchy twigs.

    Your apples make me want to go on the apple diet, they look yummy. I think I will pass on the fat eating bacteria.

  14. swatch says:

    Hey this is great Bill – is that lichen on the branch? The sky makes these patterns that dance around the apples – neat. S

  15. wrjones says:

    Barbara – thanks.

    Diana – I really like your thinking. Taking an old absent minded fool and spinning it into a positive.

    Dawn – OK you got me; I didn’t really finish it in the bathtub. I was working on it when I passed out. Wine an hot water put me right to sleep. Luckily the painting was dangling outside the tub when I awoke (very very wrinkled) the next morning.

    Pegisue – So glad you are back. I keep waiting to see development of the seahorse. I think I will use that profile pic of yours as the Fat Eating Bacteria logo. You will soon know if you picked it up at the hospital; you will look like Twiggy.

    Lori – thanks. You can hold off until I develop specialized bacteria if you like. I will have them that go only for french fry fat or pizza induced fat, etc. Designer bacteria.

    Swatch – thanks. There was some sort of stuff on the branch. Don’t know the name of it.

  16. Hey Bill. Sign me up for those fat eating bacteria! In the meantime, I’ll munch a bunch of apples. btw, I love how you depicted the sheen on that apple in the upper right. yummy! Holly

  17. Lori says:

    “Lori – thanks. You can hold off until I develop specialized bacteria if you like. I will have them that go only for french fry fat or pizza induced fat, etc. Designer bacteria.”

    So whats going to happen to all those designing bacteria after they eat all our fat? Where do they go? I could just see the problems, we would be skinny but the bacteria would still be there making us look fat. Then they would be all full of fat and would have no appetites left and then we would be hungry again and eat and get fat again. So we would be fat with stuffed bacteria and fat.

  18. wrjones says:

    Holly – You are down to receive the beta version of the bacteria.

    Lori – good point. I may have to design a tiny treadmill so the fat eating bacteria can drop their weight as well.

  19. I think there is a recurring theme could be looking at trillions of bucks for the fat eating bacteria…maybe then, you could have your own orchards in which to paint.
    I whole heartedly agree with Leslie and Carol…the brushwork in the limb is outstanding against the softness of the apple. Or the feeble…uh…never mind.
    Nice painting.:-)

  20. pegisue says:

    I may have caught it!!! I’ve lost 16 lbs!!!!!!! It’s a happy day!!!:)
    I have been painting, just posted and undone Seahorse on my blog….there’s hope, I think!!:)

  21. A cricket passing gas, now that’s the berries or apples.

  22. wrjones says:

    Cathyann – thanks. Yep, my very own feeble orchard.

    Pegisue – That’s a lot of weight! You probably have a waist as small around as that seahorse now.

    Preston – Maybe it was the apples that did it to him.

  23. As always, have enjoyed your apple brand of humour. BTW, crawling under barb wire fences is hard on the back. Are you doing a martyrdom thing?

  24. wrjones says:

    K – I am doing the martyrdom thing. I started looking for 73 virgins but now I’m down to looking for someone to do the ironing.

  25. An apple a day, Bill, and these look so incredibly yummy. You have got the round forms down pat. Must be all your collected expertise in portraying the fine features of Trixie and Bubbles. (You see all that study really pays off.)

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