How Do You Get Paint Money?

By WR Jones

CountryStore

Susan picked out this place to paint.   Ok, a nice motif I thought.  But then she paints like she is on a jar of uppers.  “I’m done”,  she says.   Huh?  Hold ‘er there Newt.  I have just started scratching the itch on my nose.  I haven’t even got my paints out.   Then I start painting and wouldn’t you know it, another car pulls in front of the car I’m painting.   “Hey, you miserable COW, move your car.”  This is what I said on the inside.  Here is what Susan heard, “Shoot, do you see how that car is blocking my view?  Lord willing, the car will move so I can continue with my painting.”

The sign said country store.  Country is a relative thing I’m learning.   We are in a city but recently had a rattlesnake on our front porch, a skunk in our back yard, and the neighbor’s dog was killed by a mountain lion.  Living wild; counting the drugs and all.

Say, did you ever mug an old lady?  Really?  Then how do you pay for paints?  I’m trying my darnedest to earn an honest living; to move my painting sales up from zero.   Here is one of life’s big disappointments – you pick out an elderly woman, steal  her credit card and find it is maxed out.   What the HELL?   That is some type of false advertising.  I’m having my attorney look into this.    I’ve got to have some recourse here; I’m sure you will agree.

This store reminds me of an even smaller store that was on the corner of a residential area in a small Iowa town.  It was a “candy” store.  We went by it on the way to and from grade school.  They sold mostly candy to school children.   I’m so nostalgic for such a time and place again.   One thing I remember that would have people gasping today is that there was a candy with the name Nigger Babies.  Actually said that on the box.  It was liquorice in the form of babies.  I wonder what a box of those would be worth on Antiques Roadshow today?

Lori – challenged me to paint with only White, Ultramarine, Yellow, and Alizarin –  here is a painting I did using only those colors.   You can mix a wide spectrum of color with just these 4 but it is much easier to get where you want with more colors.

kennedysshadow.jpg

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This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Plein Air. Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to How Do You Get Paint Money?

  1. gwen bell says:

    Really nice job on the painting. Your shadows look very shadowy.
    I don’t remember that candy and I am surely old enough so that can’t be it. Apparently, I saved myself more “White Guilt” by hating licorice.

  2. Lori says:

    Cool painting! Well you all are going to have to start doing what we do down here, start swapping paints. “I’ll give you a dab of red for some of that green!”

  3. swatch says:

    Nice painting Bill – it certainly looks like a country store – I like the forest behind the store. Art materials are way expensive here too.

  4. Rhonda says:

    What’s with all the nostalgia? Are you getting old, Bill? Won’t your social security payments give you enough spending money to buy a few tubes of paint? OK, where do I send the check…can’t have you running out and unable to create!

  5. lesliepaints says:

    I, too, have friends I paint with who can render images very quickly. Your painting has some very interesting things in it; the divided path behind the store, the partially hidden sign on the roof, the blue car, and the trees so beautifully brushed in. Thank-you for the image and I hope you don’t run out of paint money, Bill.

  6. rahinaqh says:

    those colours i would not have had the courage to put together but they actually set each other off really well… and as for the rant i imagine if i were to ask you to link an elephant to a darning needle you’d find the connections:) and if i asked you to push an elephant through a darning needle you’d sort that out too (i think there is a compliment in there…. somewhere). r.

  7. Mme Kuschan has come to interpret. Looking into the crystal ball now … I see a scientist … in a place called … California. Yes, yes. He has a very mathematical mind (ooh the numbers are making my brain hurt).

    He is also very artistique. The little country store on the right is what his very mathematical mind saw — very straight, lots of numbers (of the money in the cash register as well as on the many Lotto tickets) and ah! his right brain — the very artistique side — that is the deep, green wood on the left side of the picture. These woods take up most the space — that is the very deep poetic side of theze artistique scientist.

    It is a bootiful painting and very fine and true. One big tree from the poet side, too, you see, has crossed the country store.

    Inside this country store is lots of chocolate too. And old ladies who are preparing to smack theze scientist/artist because he has done another bad thing. We will not talk about that.

    Now, for theze very wise, wise reading of the paint brushstrokes, you must send much chocolate and much fine cash too!

  8. wrjones says:

    Gwen – If you start to feel ANY type of guilt, take another pull on that Southern Comfort. You will forget what is was you were feeling guilty about. When you wakeup with a throbbing head you will feel you have been punished enough for whatever you did. I’ve seen that little angelic face of yours. I don’t think you could ever do evil stuff. So then, how do you get paint money?

    Lori – could I say something like, “How about a dab of that White, Cad Yellow Pale, Yellow Ochre Light, Cad Red, Alizarin, Ultramarine, Viridian, Terra Rosa, Transparent Oxide Red, Burnt Umber? Could you spare a few of those paper towels? Do you have some turpenoid? Are you using that brush right now?” “Thanks, you will get your reward in the next life.”

    Swatch – that forest behind the store is filled with candy wrappers.

    Rhonda – not getting old, already there. The SSN check is not going to cut it. Still, I don’t feel right accepting money from you. Oh, alright just this once (a month).

    LesliePaints – thanks. Let’s dump those speed painters and form a snail paint group.

    rahinaqh – I will just assume there is a compliment and not go digging through to verify.

    Aletha – doing bills now; will include a big check for such a fine reading. I’m curious is that avatar a self portrait or a drawing you did or neither? I can’t read drawing lines worth a hoot.

  9. In England, years ago, you could purchase black faced dolls called “Gollywogs”. There were a lot of things in “the good ole days” that are now artifacts representing the bad ole days for non-whites. But…let’s face it…what makes us human is having other humans to look down upon. Were the Nigger Babies tasty?

  10. Susan says:

    I’m afraid it’s just too tempting to say, “If I paint like I’m on a jar of uppers, you paint like you’re on a jar of d——s.” But no, at least you got the painting to look like the setting! And you didn’t tell how much time you spent squeezing out paint for me and making sure I was all set before you even started!

  11. Mme Kuschan thinks that should be a very, very BIG check, pleaze. Meanwhile, my avatar is very fancy-schmancy. I used two mirrors. Wrote about the complex process here http://alethakuschan.wordpress.com/my-logo-of-this-weblog/

    Ah, I was a youth then! We will not discuss what year it was, or how Mme Kuschan’s hair looks today.

    No, we will not discuss that. Pleaze don’t forget the chocolate.

  12. Anna Surface says:

    Love the painting! Yes, it reminds me of the old store from long ago where I got pop and candy after school…just like your candy store. I’ll wax nostalgic with you. I remember long ropes of bubble gum. :)

  13. wrjones says:

    David – I like your sensitivity. They were tasty and you could rub their heads without fear of being politically incorrect.

    Susan – go ahead and say it. I am slow. I aim to finish the painting in the same season (for a 6″ x 8″) anything larger could take a few generations.

    Aletha – a lovely avatar! You are still a kid to me.

    Anna – I love nostalgia. All that old stuff seems better in retrospect. It would be neat to travel back in time for a day or two. Or until you have a toothache.

  14. Lori says:

    “Lori – could I say something like, “How about a dab of that White, Cad Yellow Pale, Yellow Ochre Light, Cad Red, Alizarin, Ultramarine, Viridian, Terra Rosa, Transparent Oxide Red, Burnt Umber? Could you spare a few of those paper towels? Do you have some turpenoid? Are you using that brush right now?” “Thanks, you will get your reward in the next life.”

    Bill no wonder you are going broke! You don’t need all those paints, all you need is white, alizarin, ultramarine and cad. yellow. The rest of that stuff is luxuries. Use rags instead of paper towels. If you use a knife you don’t need the turpenoid either. I double dog dare yah to paint with just those colors!

  15. kevmoore says:

    You have the Antiques roadshow in the States? I thought the British Government had created a vaccine to stop the spread of that kind of thing.

    Your restraint in Susan’s presence given the discourteous parking, is to be commended, though I would suggest carrying a portable grenade launcher with your artist materials, in order to better facilitate the removal of pesky blots on your visual horizon.

    A suggestion regarding raising funds, providing you don’t mind risking hellfire and brimstone at a (hopefully) much later date…why not visit cute little local churches on the pretext of signing the visitors books and pry open the collection boxes, What the hell use is a new roof when your tubes are empty?

  16. Rebecca says:

    I like the feel of your painting! As a little kid in Huntington Station, Long Island, we were just 2 blocks from the Dime store, with the wall of cubbies full of pea shooters and slingshots! and the candy!! I think they got rid of that licorice by the late 60’s (thank God). OMG. My young mind could not have taken that kind of idealism. yuck.

  17. wrjones says:

    Lori – I updated the post to include a 4 color painting I did. I would have a hell of a time painting with a palette knife. I really should practice using it more as it is a great tool. As for the rags, I used them with one instructor but found I would get paint all over myself. Much easier to use a paper towel and put it into a bag. A question as to which is greener. The rag you either clean or throw into a landfill. Can’t imagine putting oily rag into wash machine. Oh, that’s right, my wife does that – I will give it a try.

    Kevin – we do have that show. I sometimes watch the Brit version as well. I guess you like those shows more when you are my age. I wonder what I’m worth?
    Actually the first thing I ever stole was money from a collection plate at church. I was about five and didn’t have the concept down as to how I would explain having all those nickels on a Sunday morning. Still have belt marks on my butt from that deal. Haven’t been back to church since. Yep, going straight to Hell, but with a pocket full of nickels; life is good.

    I was a perfect gentleman around Susan, on the outside.

    Rebecca – thanks. It just feels like a piece of linen to me. I remember pea shooters. We had a bunch of bean sprouts in the yard the following spring.

  18. Barbara Pask says:

    Sweet painting of the country store, the painting of the little gal in the water is just wonderful, love it!

  19. wrjones says:

    Barbara – thanks. I can picture your husband standing just to the side fishing.

  20. Bonnie Luria says:

    Little girl in the sand and 4 colors to do it? Wow.
    You did so much with the subtle shifts of tone to create that sun washed mood.
    Great one Bill.
    I’ve read about this really simple palette and wondered what anyone could achieve with it.
    Now I see……..

  21. carolking says:

    Bill, you write like you are such a goof-ball, but then you post paintings like the landscape and that fabulous painting of the little girl in the water. That one has to be one of my favorites. Is it for sale?

  22. gypsy-heart says:

    The paintings are great..I especially love the little girl…she is lovely. :)

    Thank you for sharing.

  23. wrjones says:

    Hi Bonnie – You can mix a lot of color with just those 4 but for me it can be slow going. I mostly like the Richard Schmid palette. He clearly has given a lot of thought to the colors he uses.

    Carol – thanks. It is for sale if 1. My wife hasn’t given it away and 2. I can find it.

    Gypsy-heart – thank you. Good to hear from you.

  24. The toddler on the beach may be the best painting I’ve seen you do, Bill. I would dearly love to see more along this line. VERY lovely and well-done… however many colors you used!

  25. Kerri says:

    Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog, and I’m glad you did. A limited palette is definitely frustrating when you’re used to working with more, but you really created something amazing with it.

  26. Lori says:

    Bill I love that toddler at the beach, I would buy it if I wasn’t so broke too! I just got back from a week at the beach, the colors are spot on.

    About the rags, you sell them as abstract paintings.

  27. wrjones says:

    Diana – thanks. I do believe it is one of my better pieces.

    Kerri – thanks. The limited palette is nice for travel so it can be valuable to work with it at least sometimes. Better to carry 4 tubes of paint that 12.

    Lori – buy it buy it. It would be my first sale. I could buy food for the orphanage. I could sell my shirts and pants as abstracts. Would be ok if they weren’t my good shirts which pisses my wife off to no end.

  28. Lori says:

    “Lori – buy it buy it. It would be my first sale. I could buy food for the orphanage. I could sell my shirts and pants as abstracts. Would be ok if they weren’t my good shirts which pisses my wife off to no end.”

    Dadgumit Bill, didn’t you see where I was living at the beach for a week? Do you think I got any money left after that? I couldn’t even live off the coconuts, they cut em down so they don’t drop on the tourist’s heads.

    Your wife should take a deep breath or two. She should only buy you colorful Hawaiian shirts that don’t show a few extra spots. What do you need good shirts for anyway? They just get spotty.

    Orphanages huh? I would rather see the money go to starving artists.

  29. wrjones says:

    Lori – glad to see your heart is in the right place.

  30. That’s a beautiful painting – the one of the little child. A stunner.
    Bill, don’t you know that lol (little old ladies) are wily about purse snatchers. They put decoy stuff in the purse and then hide the important things – money , unmaxed credit cards, social security documents, Golden age passes, etc., inside their clothing somewhere – and then they go out baiting men who are trolling for paint money.
    You got caught!
    Next time, you’d better watch out. We had a thing reported here where a big burly man attacked a sweet looking lol and it turned out she was a former police woman who was the Force’s instructor in kickboxing, karate and other martial arts. She trashed the poor guy. He still doesn’t know what hit him.He’s in the hospital.
    Paint money, I’m surprised that you don’t know, is earned by sitting on a street corner with a sampling of your worst paintings, maybe even especially made for their badness or if you can’t do that, then pick up a few at the Salvation Army. You need a sign that says, WILL GROVEL FOR PAINT MONEY, and a cat or a dog on a leash, and another sign that says “NEED MONEY TO PAY VET BILL” . You don’t need to own the cat or dog. Just go to the SPCA and offer to walk the dog for the day. Pick the scruffiest one.
    Good luck.
    and BTW, you will get more money for the poor animal than for paints, but you can use it all for paints.

  31. wrjones says:

    K – that reminds me I’ve got a Golden age pass. But I forget I have it and pay each time. I bet those wily park people are counting on that. I shall stand on the corner with the neighbor’s dog tomorrow.

  32. Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog. We had the reception tonight for the first ever plein air paint out in Sacramento. It was a good week and the turnout was amazing. I’ll post about it on Sunday. Thanks again for visiting and I enjoyed your blog as well.

  33. Pingback: Lunch at Franschoek « Stephen Quirke Watercolours

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