Muffin Roulette

By wr jones

I titled this sketch as qs3.jpg, I have no idea what that means. What in the devil was I thinking? Did I have some new naming convention in mind? Was this supposed to be some way of remembering what I was doing or where I was? I really need someone to mind over me. I’m going to get hurt out there.

In our company cafeteria they sell fresh muffins. Nothing wrong with that, but there is no way to tell what you are getting. I complained about it one day and the woman at the checkout said they were labeled. I walked back and looked. Well I’ll be darned she was right; they are labeled. They are labeled, “Muffins”. You big damn dummies! What kind of muffin?

They are all a light yellowish brown color. Some a little darker, some a little lighter. Some have little dark spots in them. You can not tell by looking if the dark spots are blueberries, chocolate chips, or rat droppings. I picked one out the other day that looked interesting with no spots. Turned out to be corn bread. I’ve never heard of a corn bread muffin. I don’t like them. I wonder if they are supposed to come with a bowl of grits? I made up my mind never to buy an unknown muffin again. The next time I went to get a muffin I was going to stick my finger in it to see what I was getting. No more pig in a poke for me.

Nothing wrong at all with my concept. However, its execution fell short of the mark when I forgot that I used the hand sanitizer hanging on the entrance to the cafeteria. Turns out that taste does not leave your finger by the time you walk across the room. Jessssssus that tasted bad. I have been wondering if that taste lingered in the muffin hole I created for the eventual purchaser.

What? My integrity is totally intact. I placed that muffin neatly back on the tray before strolling out the far door.  The following poem by Danish poet Eda perfectly describes what that muffin eating has done for me.


– Addicted to life

Awakened to a new existence
No, doubts, hesitations or fear
New, braver heart beating
Ecstatic joy and vision so clear

A dive in the unknown
Refreshed in suspense and expectation
Revived in a different universe
Wrapped on new feelings reverberation

Hearing my soul sing, loud and free
The universal tune transformed ones know
The world around me reshapes
No borders, no frames, just originality glow

This is the life we were meant to live
No limits what to express and feel
All riches in the world to discover
Equipped with all we need, freedom and will.


This entry was posted in Drawing, Humor, Poetry. Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to Muffin Roulette

  1. I’m so sorry you didn’t like the corn muffin. Us southerners eat them by the dozen, warm with plenty of real butter. It just doesn’t get any better than that. They are really excellent with homemade vegetable soup.

  2. How strange that they don’t label the muffins with something besides the word muffin….
    Guess some palates aren’t as sensitive as yours…. gotta say I’m glad I don’t work there… or eat there, though.

    I kept trying to figure out what your sketch had to do with muffins…. maybe the unreadable features on the face….. or perhaps this lady had those lovely things that hang over one’s jeans…. (not mine of course…)

    Be well, Bill…. Try the croissant next time.

  3. wrjones says:

    Connie – you little redneck! I do like cornbread when it is made from half cornbread mix and half yellow cake mix. That makes it a little sweeter and not so crumbly. The soup sounds good but I would like homemade noodle soup please.

    Marian – I tend to ramble way off any subject or theme so don’t try to connect them. I’m thinking donuts Marian. If you eat enough donuts you can have three lovely things hanging over your jeans.

  4. lesliepaints says:

    Hi Bill. What more could we want! A drawing, a story, and a poem. Life is good. Thank-you.
    Could qs3 mean “quick sketch 3”?

  5. rahinaqh says:

    i love the sketch, the sweeps and turns of the charcoal/pencil are wonderfully fluid… as for the muffin…. what flavour was it apart from sanitizing fluid? and if your experience is summed up by that poem then you have a passion for sanitizing fluid?:)r

  6. Rhonda says:

    Ah, Bill, you always amaze me with stories and usually a wonderful painting to go along (or not go along at all, as the case may be)…and now poetry, too? You are a real renaissance man!

  7. I love the idea of cornbread mix and yellow cake mix. Oh, my, you’ll be writing a cookbook next. What a talent you are. From “redneck Connie”

  8. Don’t dip your sanitized finger into ANY kind of muffin… For lots of reasons. ;)

  9. wrjones says:

    Leslie – I believe you have it. That must be what I was thinking. It makes sense. Must have been one of my more lucid moments. I think this was a 2 min pose. But since she has clothes on I must have been bored with the model and drawn someone else. Ok, so I wasn’t all that lucid.

    Rahinaqh – Thanks. I don’t know what the muffin was. That sanitizing fluid sort of overpowered all the other flavors. For that reason alone, I can’t recommend it for any recipe even in small amounts.

    Rhonda – just relating my life as I go along. I think the poetry might attract a readership looking for the finer things in life. You know, besides my stories.

    Shayna – this is a family blog! Alright, a dysfunctional family, I will give you that. Anyway thanks for idea for a new way to get into trouble.

  10. swatch says:

    pre-tasting muffins is indeed an existential moment – I love the label – muffins – heh heh – I like qs3 too – S

  11. Where I come from corn bread, in muffin form or just a hunk of it, goes best with pinto beans or chili. For dessert have the rest of the corn bread with butter and honey. You’ll be a convert in no time.

  12. Oh.. I forgot to mention that I really like the drawings, whatever they inspired for food stories.

  13. Barbara Pask says:

    Hi Bill, Your blog as always is very entertaining, I always enjoy seeing your artwork and nothing better than a good laugh. Muffins can be scary things, the big unknown.

  14. When they find your finger prints on that muffin, Bill, the only thing that’s going to save your neck is their hesitance to kill a great artist. (Her arms described in just the sparest of elegant lines and such wonderful hair of conte sfumato.)

    Maybe it was sfumato on the muffins, you think?

    Okay, as always your post is making me hungry. Excuse me while I go get something to eat. I’m thinking: something in the carbohydrate line — maybe with a crumbly top and chocolate chips.

  15. wrjones says:

    swatch – I can’t recommend pre-tasting muffins most places. In this place you can place your back to the check out person. qs3 stands for quick-sketch 3 or quick-sketch 3 minute pose or quick-sketch on 3rd street. I will let you know as soon as Leslie lets me know.

    Diana – that did trigger memories of corn bread and pinto beans. Now I’m hungry. The muffins here are totally unknown until you bite into them.

    Aletha – what is sfumato. Is that a short tomato?

  16. You say sfumato and I say sfumato. (Doesn’t work in print, does it?) (Think of Fred Astaire.)

  17. lesliepaints says:

    Hi Bill. I really like the quick sketch 3 minute pose. Sounds much more professional.

  18. Carol King says:

    YOU NEVER HAD A CORN MUFFIN? Where are you from? Anyway, you should stay away from all muffins, especially the ones they make that are now the size of one’s head. Too many calories and I know you are watching your girlish figure. Why I believe that may be you in that lovely sketch.

    And what’s up with the poetry? Thanks for pointing out it was written by a a Dane. It was NOT written by a New Yorker.

    Here is my version:

    WTF are you looking at?
    Get the F@ck out of my way
    Life is meant to be suffered & endured
    I’m running home to hide under the covers

  19. Lori says:

    I am with you on corn muffins, I despise the dried up crumbly ones that taste like they are made of saw dust. I do have a recipe, I bet it would be like the cake mix and muffin mix. Its sweet and moist, has sugar and flour in it. Not a lot of corn meal.

    I think the safest thing to eat is a cinnamon bun, I have yet to have a bad one of those.

    Nice loose sketch.

  20. wrjones says:

    Aletha – let’s get an old Fred Astaire movie and dance around the living room. I’m tired of painting and poking muffins.

    Leslie – it does. Thanks for the memory aid.

    Carol – I suppose I had a corn muffin just forgot. I’ve had a lot of cornbread. While I think that Eda’s poem is much more spiritually lifting than your work; you have produced a master cathartic. I see your poem for the person who has just slammed his thumb in the door.

    Lori – your food is sounding good. Do you know how to make pinto beans. They need a little sugar as well.

    • Carol King says:

      Hey Bill, I’m changing my comment. Regarding the poem, that is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. It reminds me of that
      Robert Frost poem:

      Two roads diverged in a yellow F*ckin’ wood.
      And sorry I could not travel both.
      I took the one less traveled by,
      Which was filled with serial killers and ax murderers.
      So now I live under the covers,
      And that has made all the difference.

  21. Let’s dance! (Heaven, I’m in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak — and I seem to find the happiness I seek — when we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek.)

    I’ll get my heels and my boa, and I’ll be there! (Don’t forget your top hat.)

  22. Well, I agree with D.MosesBotkin, Leslie has it right and Carol, well,she got the laugh today.
    I think this is a brilliant quick sketch. The head/face is quite sensitively rendered. You should look at more clothed models.:-)
    Skip the poetry. Your writing is more attractive.

  23. wrjones says:

    Carol – your literary knowledge and skills are mind boggling. I’m totally in awe!!

    Aletha – sounds good. I’ll get my heels too, and spurs. All the same to you, I’d rather not dance with a snake.

    Cathyann – thanks. I suppose you are right. I should look at clothed models and spend less time undressing them (in my mind) and more time drawing.

  24. WHO gave me away?! (How’d you know it was a real boa?)

    Okay, no boa. Can I bring the hamsters?

  25. Dawn says:

    love reading your blog…I am always amused. I also like our quick sketches…
    keep on writing and drawing!!!

  26. wrjones says:

    Aletha – Hamsters are fine as long as they stay out of the punch.

    Dawn – thanks.

  27. gotcha, I’ll tell them (no swimming)

  28. wrjones says:

    Oh, Aletha, I was a little harsh. It is ok if they take a sip or two.

  29. gwen bell says:

    Catchy title. Only a Yankee would take perfectly good Corn Bread Mix and make it sickeningly sweet with Yellow Cake Mix. Ewwwwwwwww.

    Nice sketch and enjoyed the poem!

  30. Hey Bill. love that poem. thanks for introducing me to the poet Eda. I’ll definitely to check out his?her? work. hey i really like these loose figure sketches you’re doing. keep ’em coming! Holly

  31. wrjones says:

    Gwen – I suppose I am a Yankee coming from just outside of Chicken-crotch Iowa. But I first heard about yellow cake mix/corn bread from some drug addled Californian.

    Holly – thanks. Good to hear from you again. Now please produce some new work for us to appreciate.

  32. kevmoore says:

    Firstly, let me hold my hands up. I looked at this post because the title “Muffin Roulette” created within me a frisson of excitement. Taking a long hard look at myself, I am mow torn between visiting a therapist, or a dietician. I am something of a recovering Muffin afficianado. Banana ones really do it for me, but I can get a culinary high from a starbucks lo-fat blueberry, no problem.

    Some years ago I was introduced to the delights of home made Corn bread by a sax-playing friend of mine who clearly spent more time in the kitchen than on his instrument. It was delicious. Your brush with sanitation gel has led me to re-think the future of all food in public places. Why not just garnish everything with that gel in the first place, voila, germ-free cuisine, if only for the fact that you won’t keep it down for long….

  33. wrjones says:

    Kevin – frisson? I love those French words. However, I think you could delete the words “of excitement” and thus go Green on the electronic trees.

    Corn bread and butter is good. I like to eat it over someone else’s carpet as it is so crumbly. I’ve tried using that sanitizer as a body wash instead of actually taking a shower. Maybe that is why those guys in white coats came to give me a ride. My clothes are probably still in a heap outside the cafeteria door.

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