Hand Cancer?

By W R Jones


Damn that Erin; trying to drown me is not enough.  Now she is messing with my mind.   She told me Farrah Fawcett died of rectal cancer.  So?  Well it short of hints of anal sex.  Why?  Because rectal cancer rates are much higher for those engaging in anal sex.     Oh, my lord!!!!  Now I’ve got to worry about cancer of the palm?  How am I going to go to my palm reader?   It is sooo embarrassing.  I can just hear her, “Oh oh, didn’t your mama tell you not to do that?   Now your life line leads directly to the chemo room.”  And if I don’t go to my palm reader out of embarrassment, how am I to know about my future and to look out for the truck at the school crossing?   How the HELL am I supposed to pick the winning lotto number?

On another note for those of you house hunters out there.   I stumbled upon what must be the deal of the decade.   I read an ad in an art magazine about a fabulous opportunity in Santa Fe.   Right down near the art center of old Santa Fe there is a new development.   EVERYTHING is taken care of for you.   The price is outstandingly affordable at only $130K per unit.

Now get out that magnifying glass for the fine print.   For the $130,000 you get a full UNDIVIDED 1/8 owership of a condo.   What the hell does that mean?   Do you have to go for 1/8 of the year all at once?   I think you have to be dumber than 40 water buffalo to buy a timeshare.   Get a hotel for Christ’s sake.   The following year you can go back if you like or choose a new spot.   Oh ya, that’s right you can swap if they happen to have other big dummy timeshare owners somewhere else you want to go.   Still, for a monthly sum someone will take care of it for you even on the 7/8s of the year you can’t use it.

Say, can you call it plein air if you took the picture you painted from while you were outside in the raw elements?  OK, not fully outside but leaning out the window of that car.   It wasn’t a new car.

This entry was posted in Humor, Painting, Plein Air, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Hand Cancer?

  1. Gwen Bell says:

    There are so many things I like about this painting, mainly the emotion of attachment because I would love to live in Santa Fe in an adorable little house like this. So glad the painting is great because the deal stinks. Too good to be true. The only people I know who do well with time shares and get their money’s worth are Realtors!

    PS. Wash those hands!

  2. Carol King says:

    What a lovely little cottage! Love the way you handled the foliage and the shadows. But wait…is someone looking out that window?
    I wonder if next time you go to that palm reader she (or he) will tell you to buy a 1/8 share of a condo in Santa Fe?

  3. lesliepaints says:

    I really like the lights and darks of this painting, Bill. The red against the green really makes this painting memorable. I like your comment about what is plein aire. I’ve decided that it really doesn’t matter where something was created but if it was memorable. For me it’s all in passing on the info!
    Hand cancer? Don’t think you’ll get it.
    Condo? Yuck!

  4. rahinaqh says:

    this is such an atmospheric piece Bill. you have handled the changes in light beautifully, and is that someone behind the curtains. and the rant…. i’ll forget the hand cancer bit and as for the condo, clearly you read the ad in great detail and were considering it until something/one hit you on the head:))r.

  5. Rhonda says:

    Lovely cottage. I can envision myself there on a painting holiday – no time shares involved. But is that the ghost of Farrah in the window? Is she now haunting your paintings, Bill? No more comment on that for the rant today – too sad to lose anyone to any kind of cancer…

  6. Bill Sharp says:

    Nice one, Bill. I like that beam of light shining on the cottage.

  7. Jala Pfaff says:

    Great job w/light and shade.

    Wait–did you only JUST hear about Farrah F.? What’ve you been doing–painting or something?!

  8. wrjones says:

    Gwen – thanks. I’m not touching these hands!

    Carol – thanks. Are you psychic? That palm reader did sell me a share of a condo. Told me her contact in that little ball said it would bring me a happy future.

    Leslie – thanks. I’ll keep an eye out on the hands. Nuts, I’m stuck with that condo.

    rahinaqh – thank you. I have been struck on the head a time or two.

    Rhonda – thank you. It is a good place to paint.

    Bill – Thank you.

    Jala – I don’t know how the subject of Farrah came up. News kinda goes in one ear and out the other for me. I’m one of the semi-conscious people.

  9. the post was so damn funny I forgot about the painting :D but yeah, I think I liked it. I’d love to live in Santa Fe but only if I could live in the condo 24/7/52, for 130,000.

  10. Susan Carlin says:

    I can’t add a single thought to your rant, but had to tell you the painting is sweet as heck. Love that dappled light- Beautiful!

  11. Bonnie Luria says:

    This could have been about 3 posts in one.
    Great painting of the cottage- just the sort of place you could hide away and be fully unconscious instead of semi.
    But then, where would fodder for future rants come from……..

  12. wrjones says:

    Mary – There may be a single wide somewhere outside of Santa Fe you can get for $130,000. Get you some very dark eyeliner and some wife beater tank tops for your husband. With the money he pulls in from meth sales you can keep it together until your paintings hit the market.

    Susan – Thanks. Don’t blame you for staying away from the rant.

    Bonnie – I do need some future rant material.

  13. Damn that Erin

    Ditto. She got me to FIVE classes last week. FIVE.

    Hand cancer. You slay me.

  14. Erin M says:

    Bill – No worries, the chlorine will kill whatever that is on your hand.

    Shayna – Waaahhh! Waaaahhh! Waaahhh! You LOVE me & you know it! Because I can make you do anything for a bon-bon. ;-)

  15. wrjones says:

    Shayna – you must be buff as all get out. When are you coming to water aerobics in the bikini?

    Erin – whew! Now I can sleep better. Don’t give Shayna anymore bon bons it will ruin the bikini effect.

  16. Just finished reading the post and the replies…
    Not sure what this was all about …but I sure love the painting, Bill. I would venture to say it is perfect.

  17. Erin, yes. I do love you. Very much. Um, but isn’t it what I CAN’T do for a bonbon??

    Bill, I’ve had a kid. You don’t want to see me in a bikini for a reason. But I appreciate the invite! ;)

  18. wrjones says:

    Cathyann – Thank you. I couldn’t get a better compliment. I’m not sure what it is about either. It is mostly wiffledust.

    Shayna – just keep hanging with Erin. She will whip you into bikini shape.

    Erin – I will take your MC for a bon-bon.

  19. Who needs a lottery ticket when you can paint pictures like this? Three mil. Okay, tell ’em — 2.5 mil limited time offer.

    And it looks like a lovely little cottage in which to live. Is it a time-share in Arizona too? What’s that? Sante Fe is not in Arizona? Who said that? What the heck. Close enough for jazz. I’m in Washington DC, and we don’t care where the various states are just whether they’re red or blue.

    Now then, Bill, to be honest — strictly entre nous — you told me a bit more about Farrah Fawcett than I really wanted to know. I was just hanging out at the pool, watching the hamsters frolic. And then holy cow! But when you can paint like this — how can we not love you?!

  20. wrjones says:

    Aletha – thank you. Love me love me. Pay no attention to my mouth or pen.

  21. Erin M says:

    I’ll be teaching MC Sunday @ 4 or Tues (8/25) @ noon…I can bring a bon-bon ;-)

  22. Pegi Sue says:

    I am loving your paintings!!!:)

    and THANK YOU for your humor!!! You so help me get thru the day, like a good cold beer with lime!!:)

  23. Erin’s bringing the bon-bons? Okay. I’ll just bring the hamsters.

  24. wrjones says:

    Erin – bring a bon-bon to the pool on Thursday please.

    Pegi – Beer with lime sounding very good. That turtle is looking very good.

    Aletha – Roast them if you will. Or we could go with deep fry I suppose. If we are doing bon-bons health is not a goal.

  25. 100swallows says:

    A fine painting, Bill. I really liked the last one too. Before blowing this one up I wondered whether those were geese watching the door. Could have been. Or doesn’t anyone use them as watchdogs anymore?

  26. kevmoore says:

    My advice to you Bill is avoid anything with any fine print, as you’ll clearly be going blind any day now. (At least that’s what my mother always told me…..)

    Shouldn’t timeshare be illegal or something? As in strap the vendors into an electric chair and kill them or something…hang on…sorry, I got confused…it’s the eejits that fall for it that need frying. Did somebody mention a barbecue?

  27. That is one fine painting. I’m in love.

  28. Oh, I forgot to mention….sorry for your palm cancer.

  29. wrjones says:

    100swallows – thanks. I think they were geese. What did they come out looking like after you blew the picture up?

    Kev – my eyes are so bad I don’t even realize there is fine print. That is how I ended up with this $13 term life insurance policy on the dog for $327 a month.

    Connie – you love me, I will love you. And I will tell Mango (the dog) to do the same. Should he die I will split the money with you.

  30. Bill, putting aside hands and other body parts . . . I love the value contrasts in this piece. i can feel the strong sunlight. wonderful! Holly

  31. wrjones says:

    Inksplodge – thank you.

    Holly – thanks.

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