This is a grove of trees on a path I walk each Sunday. The grove is being whittled away. It takes so long for them to grow and so quickly they can be cut down.
My hometown in Iowa had every street crowned with elm trees until the Dutch elm disease killed all 5000 trees. They were all in the neighborhood of 80 to 100 years old when they were lost.
As they were cutting this grove, there were a lot of small cut logs laying at the bottom of the trees for a few weeks. I was going to take some home for the fire place but what with being shit all lazy, never got around to it.
Anyway I don’t do so good with the fireplace. I keep forgetting to warm that cold column of air BEFORE piling on the wood. I had a romantic evening planned years ago with good food; A Whopper and a Spicy Chicken sandwich for her. Good drink; instant lemonade mix for her, and 2 or 3 shots washed back with a six pack of Corona (with lime) for me. This may have had something to do with the fire place confusion to follow. Candle light, or perhaps it was an old flashlight, so long ago I can’t really remember that level of detail, and a movie type glowing fire to cozy up in front of on a very cold night.
I lit the kindling, got impatient and added the logs then started drinking heavy. After all this was to be a romatic evening.
Well it wasn’t long before the smoke started wafting into the room. Thinking the flue was closed I reached in and pulled the lever the other way. Turns out the flue was open in the first place but now was firmly shut. Brilliant!
Now the smoke was really pouring in and the smoke detectors all went off. They were high up on the ceiling and screeching like a mother. No way to sleep or be romantic through that.
I opened all the windows, Christ it was cold out and now inside. Got the ladder to reach the smoke detectors to rip the screechy little devils out of the wall if necessary. Fell off aluminum ladder scratching my new oak desk, ripping the wall paper and tearing my romantic shirt. I may have started that drinking a little too early.
Eventually through my throbbing headache and the now uncontrollable shivering I realized the flue was closed and moved the lever back to the correct position. Hours, and I do mean HOURS latter I was able to shut the windows. By now the expensive food was cold and the romance had kind of drained away.
I use an electric blanket now.
Addendum – I told my wife after writing this and she could not remember the incident in the house I was talking about. At first I just figured she was in some sort of denial. Then I remembered I did the same thing in this house. Does that make me a double idiot or and idiot squared?