Words

By W.R. Jones

Head Study 9

    I’m going to have a fabulous studio when I buy my next place.  Then I can have these models over instead of asking them to disrobe and sit on the end of the bar.  

    I thought with the economy collapsing I would be able to pick up a house for a song.  Huh-uh not even for an album.   Here’s one, 2800 sq ft on 5500 sq ft lot for only $769,000.   Oh my goodness, they are giving it away!    5500 seems a bit small for a yard with a house.   Still, less work for the wife as I see it.

    The real estate people seem to be stuck in a rut with WORDS of whiffledust.   This gorgeous property “boasts luxurious vaulted ceilings”.    Can a house boast?   Very creepy.   You walk into the house and hear a deep voice (vaulted ceilings would give a bass voice I think) saying, “hey, mister buyer, check out my luxurious vaulted ceilings.  If you move in, could you clean off the cobwebs?” 

   Generous maid’s quarters – this is for a 3800 sq ft home.   A tad small for a maid I’m thinking.   But if she is generous I would let her stay. 

    Breath taking view.   Does this mean the house is cantilevered over a 1000 ft drop?   Do you get an oxygen tank with the purchase?  Would they warn you not to smoke when you have the oxygen on?

   “Situated on a sprawling 17,550 sq ft lot.”   that doesn’t feel like sprawling to me.   5000 acres is sprawling or even 500 acres.   I think I will do that; buy acres.    I can see it in my mind’s eye.   A long curving private road leading up to the house.   Lined with stately pine trees and a rose covered fence the road takes the awed visitor to a huge circular parking area dominated by a large fountain (probably the size of the David).   Around the parking area is a plethora of honeysuckle and jasmine.  The air is sticky sweet.  Just the way I like it.   A magnificent flagstone path winds through a beautiful flower garden.   It leads to the side porch of the … single wide trailer.   Doggone it (is it ok to say this Diana?) I ran out of money.

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12 Responses to Words

  1. Wow! Beautiful drawings. Two funny and true stories I though of when reading your post. The first person in Georgia to win the newly created lottery was asked what he and his wife planned to do with all that money. His answer was: buy a doublewide and move to Alabama. The other was a typo on a real estate ad, “a big dick for entertaining.” Good luck on a studio. I also would love something better than the third bedroom.

  2. Carol King says:

    OMG! I’m cracking up at Connie’s comment about the real estate typo. Good one Connie.

    Real estate ads make it sound like every house is a gem that you will be missing out on. You will be the biggest loser if you don’t snatch this property up immediately. Then you go and look at it and it’s a dump. DUMP-O-RAMA. This is why I’ve never left my 900 square foot apt.

    Nice sketches. I tried drawing my mom again this weekend and it was a dismal failure. This is why I wrote about my flat tire.

  3. These are beautiful sketches, Bill. And you did an excellent job of entertaining us and expressing yourself. (Thanks for accommodating and tolerating my language preferences.)

    I’m a cranky old mom who likes for people to mind their manners. I do love to laugh, though (although a lot of what “passes” for humor in our culture is by definition toilet humor).

    However, I’m not above laughing at that Freudian typo in Connie’s comment.

    I hope your Fourth was enjoyable!

  4. InkSplodge! says:

    How awful to be the person who has to find the words to make a dump sound interesting? I’d prefer be a poor artist who cannot afford to buy said dump at said inflated prices.

    Beautifully observed drawings – difficult to capture an expression so well.

  5. Rhonda says:

    Beautifully drawn figures and portraits, Bill! I do hope you buy the women drinks before asking them to pose for you at the end of the bar :)
    As for the house – yes, lies lies and more lies in most businesses but how frightened we would be to get the truth after being fed the pablum of lies for most of our lives! I, too, am looking for that manse with full studio, pool (with pool-boy), and a garden (with gardener), and…ah, the list just keeps growing.
    Hope you had a happy and safe 4th of July weekend!

  6. wrjones says:

    Connie – thanks. Now I know how to get a better response for my deck. I saw an early lotto winner standing in his back yard with his arm draped on a new Doughboy above ground pool. He told the reporter, “Yep, this is the life.”

    Carol – 900 sq ft is enough for two people. I’ve lived in a single wide trailer, a double wide, and a succession of houses. We now live in a very large house but I’m not one bit happier here than I was in the single wide cooking meth. Ok, I didn’t really cook meth, but I did once make popcorn.

    It was probably your mom’s fault the drawing didn’t come out as well as you would have liked. You should tell her she needs to work on her modeling skills.

    Diana – thanks. You don’t look like a old mom to me but that pose does look a bit stern.

    InkSplodge – thanks. I guess I’m not above writing crap as evidenced by my posts. At least in real estate I would be getting paid.

    Rhonda – I sort of hint I may buy them a drink if they will disrobe and sit still. When you lead the live of an active 75 year old as I do, it is hard to get into trouble on the 4th or any other weekend/holiday. Mostly I just nap.

  7. First of all-beautiful work from you both Bill and Lisa. It was simply amazing seeing your pieces of art.

    Secondly-I am new to the blog world, so I hope I am leaving this comment at the correct place :o) if so, great… if not, my apologies…
    Thank you to whomever left the comment at my blog. it wasnt specific as to the author Bill? Lisa? (again my excuse to my cluelessness-newby blogger)

    Last of all-whoever it was that stopped by my blog, I’m glad you did, so that I could take a peek here.

  8. Bonnie Luria says:

    We’ve become a society of hyperbole. Not everything can be fabulous! Because if it is, then what is really fabulous and what adjectives would be left to describe it?

    Crucians ( people of St. Croix ) don’t ever use words like fantastic or fabulous or gorgeous. Nice is the word that sums up anything that isn’t epic in terms of disaster. So if they say something is really nice- it IS fabulous.

    In NYC real estate parlance, quaint always meant claustrophobic, charming meant quaint, and must see really meant, yeah, you must see it because you won’t believe how inflated this asking price is for the hovel you’re looking at.

    So Bill, to you I say, very nice drawings……

  9. wrjones says:

    Maria – thanks. That would be Bill. Haven’t seen hide nor hair of Lisa for months. Not sure she is still alive.

    Bonnie – doggone it. Now you have me wondering. If you had said really nice I’d be on cloud nine, but I’m not sure what very nice means in Crucian. It could mean sucks beyond belief. I’m going to google a Crucian to English translation dictionary.

  10. swatch says:

    Hey Bill I love that portrait – it has a haunting quality

  11. wrjones says:

    Swatch – Thanks.

  12. Jala Pfaff says:

    Perhaps they meant “generous maid’s HINDquarters.”

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