By W R Jones
Rebecca suggested drinking out of plastic margarita glasses for those of us who drink ourselves into a stupor and keel over. It is a safety issue. Not a bad idea. Do they make plastic martini glasses? Would it be correct to call a plastic drink container a plastic glass?
I HATE martini glasses. What in the hell kind of drinking vessel is that? All they are good for is sloshing the drink onto your lap. I don’t need that, I get enough stains from dribbling in the bathroom. As a preventative measure to protect carpet and clothing, I normally drink from a two handled training mug with a nipple on the top.
I was at a friend’s house one night when he insisted I try one of HIS martinis. Ok, I say, but can you just put it into a cup for me? My hands are too shakey to drink out of what is essentially a rejected plate. He said I had to grow up sometime and behave like an adult. This is the same guy who balked at passing me the catsup for the quiche he made for breakast. He absolutely refused. What kind of host is that?
I gripped the glass with both hands and managed to get most of the liquid down my throat. I drank leaning over his new sofa so the sloshed part went down behind the cushion.
The next time he came to our house I taped a dinner plate to a jar and poured his martini into that. “Here, drink this you pretentious asshole.”
I only drink for the buzz. All I want is a good cheap buzz. If it doesn’t cause me to hack up blood, the quality is fine. So for all you out there in your tuxes and evening gowns smoking $35 cigars and drinking 500 year old cognac that cost as much as my truck, don’t pat yourself on the back too hard for being better than me. It is not much of an accomplishment – that bar is pretty low.