By W.R. Jones


    I watched an ad on TV that pointed out “Real” men drink a certain type of vodka.  The ad showed 4 men, all with stubble, drinking or just hanging out.   The narrative pointed out that men don’t drink from flowered glasses.  They drink from plain glass.   It didn’t say if it was ok for the glass to be cut crystal.   I’m guessing here that it would be more manly to drink from an old grape jelly jar.

    All the actors (are actors real men?) had a noticeable stubble.  This must be part of being a man as well.   In my ignorance I assumed they must only work every third day as they shave and wait for just the right jaw shadow.  I kinda like the idea of only working every third day.   Someone burst my bubble when they told me you could get a razor that was height adjustable just like a lawn mower.  Shoot, that means you can look like a wino bum each and every day of the week.  I wonder if you can get them self propelled or do you have to push them?

   Well, since I know those people on TV would not try to mislead me, I’m pouring out my drink from my ornately flowered sissy cup and into a rusty empty Alpo can (I think that should be more manly than glass).   Being ever alert for the chance to advance science, I’m measuring my balls after drinking from my sissy glass then again after drinking from the Alpo can.  I want to see if I can get to be more manly by not shaving and drinking from cheap containers.  

    The rotgut I drink already puts hair on my chest, but I don’t know if that qualifies as being manly.   I’ll keep drinking out of the rusty can ’til my nuts clang when I walk.  That should be manly enough to get me into the wrestling matches.

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18 Responses to Manly

  1. Rebecca says:

    I love this sketch. I love the perspective. Have you washed the Alpo can first? I’ve never been a fan of cut crystal. I think a plastic yard party margarita glass serves any drink well; sooo manly!!! (but practical, if you have one too many, the only damage would be the splashes on the floor.

  2. I love that drawing, truly outstanding. My grandfather was named Manley (can’t remember if it had the e or not) My grandparents had 7 children, so I suppose he was quite manly.

  3. Carol King says:

    Bill, Bill, Bill

    Where do you come up with this stuff? And really, should all the world know you drink from a sippy cup?

    And you never tell us about your beautiful drawings or paintings when you go on these rants. Very interesting perspective on this drawing. How did you do it? Were you having an out of body experience from drinking vodka from a rusty Alpo can when you espied this manly man and felt the urge to draw him from above.

    The foreshortening is very well done. That’s really hard. I know. Cause I can’t do it.

  4. Fabulous! Like putting a bell on a cat! (Apropos the clanging … uh … parts.)

    And superfabulous drawing!! (And VERY manly, too.)

  5. PS – please answer Rebecca’s question pronto.

    I, too, was curious whether you washed the Alpo can before imbibing (but was too afraid to ask).

    And the Alpo? Ah … never mind … we’re still finishing dinner over here….

  6. wrjones says:

    Rebecca – I like your practical side. It didn’t occur to me to wash the can. Maybe that is why my vodka has a taste of horse meat.

    Connie – 7 children is waaaay too manly for me.

    Carol, Carol, Carol – this stuff comes to me after I have been drinking from my Alpo can.

    Aletha – you don’t have to eat the Alpo. You can put it in the landfill (I think). However, don’t scrub the can. Real men and/or real women don’t drink from shiny cans. It is permissible to peal off the label and wrap the can in a brown paper bag.

  7. I have been a martini imbiber for many years. Mostly vodka with two olives. You can shake or stir it, I don’t give a f–k. What I f—king like here is that cool drawing. VERY good! Cheers!

  8. Impressive drawing, Bill, and the model does look pretty manly… or just manly. I guess pretty is not a manly association.

    The choice of cut crystal or cut alpo can should be clear, even to you. You don’t want to hurt yourself. All those manly things men do to be manly often land them in emergency rooms.

  9. Rebecca says:

    So to review James Bond…
    Sean Connery in “You only live twice” — Mr. Takagi: “Here’s your martini, Mr. Bond, Stirred, not shaken, just the way you like it, right?”
    Bond: nodding yes (sarcastically), [wishing it was shaken and poured into an unwashed Alpo can, just like Lorne Greene would have drunk it.]

    Roger Moore when offered several martinis, but when asked what he would like, he says — “Bourbon and water, [in an unwashed Alpo can.]”

    Daniel Craig in “Casino Royale” — Bond: “A dry martini.”
    Bartender: “Would you like that shaken or stirred, sir?”
    Craig: “Do I look like I give a damn?” [Apparently, he is so manly, the can doesn’t seem to matter]

  10. wrjones says:

    Diana – I often end up in the emergency room. However it mostly is due to hypochondria and not actual injury. I don’t run with sissors anymore.

    Rebecca – that is very good. My hope is to one day be so manly I can go back to drinking milk out of my Hopalong Cassidy cup without hiding in the closet.

  11. Is this a self portrait, Bill? Pre or post drinking from the tin can?
    I got distracted by the clanging.
    Either way, great line and perspective and manly enough.

  12. Dawn says:

    I am repeating what everyone has said. Your contour drawing is awesome! Is this a self portrait????
    My commission piece has taken several turns as I’m sure you know the communication gets a little garbled. I finally painted most of it out and then took chalk to do the drawing to show them what was in my head. They liked it so now tomorrow I paint again. When I’m done I’ll post it….but it’s nothing complicated. 3-30×40 canvases of contemporary flowers. Kind of like a triptych…

  13. Love the drawing and the diatribe. Doesn’t everyone drink out of jelly jars??

  14. Hold on a second! Just got to thinkin’ here — this drawing wouldn’t be in response to Rebecca’s comment [on Lisa’s “Equal Rights for Women” post] about “seeing lots of Bill,” would it?

    “Hey – what’s wrong with lots of Bill?” you complained.

    Then it dawns on me that quite possibly we’re seeing lots MORE of Bill. Bells and all ….

    Oh, but I jest. Actually what we’re noticing are these amazing lines (about which we are all seething with artistic jealousy!!)


  15. wrjones says:

    Cathyann – I have been at that can of juice so often I don’t remember even doing this drawing much less who it is.

    Dawn – ok, that is a lot of work ahead of you. Still you could let just me have a peek.

    Elizabeth – I think so. I remember years ago being made fun of as I thought I had a set of fine drinking glassware until a friend pointed out the tops had threads which sort of meant they were ex jelly jars.

    Aletha – I don’t think too much Bill is a good idea. The last time I felt it had some merit I was beaten to within an inch of my life. You wouldn’t think an 80 year old woman could swing a purse that hard.

  16. Jala Pfaff says:

    That is an incredible drawing!!!

    I think the guy in the drawing is pointing to his nipples. That’s kind of manly…right?

  17. Is there a NIPPLE showing? Didn’t they do a Seinfeld on this topic?

    Bill, after this we’re all gonna be callin’ you “Nip.”

  18. wrjones says:

    Jala – that is the height of manliness.

    Aletha – He does seem to be pretty enamored of his nipples. Doesn’t seem right, huh?

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