Rebate ~ Another Word For Stealing

By W.R. Jones,   Painting by Erika Jones

BreastSelfExam

    I was in an AT&T store the other day to see about a phone cover when I started looking at phones.   There was a paper on a table that showed fancy phones for free, or $30, or $100, etc.  AFTER rebate.   You paid $300 at the counter and then if you were relentless enough to pursue it you could get some of your money back in six months.

    This is, of course, theft on a grand scale.   Many people don’t get the required paperwork in and get nothing back.  Even if you do get the rebate it is months later.   Thus you have loaned these giant companies your money at 0 percent interest for 6 months.

    If I were king – I would make our congressmen, lawyers, corporate executives, and the assholes who came up with this concept pay 100 times the cost of everything they buy.  Then, if they  were willing to fill in the paperwork and wait, they could get some of their money back.   So for them a roll of toilet paper on sale for $0.19  would be $19 at the counter.

    Still, this is clearly an enriching business model.   So, I have decided offer breast augumentation implants for $17 …… AFTER rebate.   You pay $25,000 and send in the box tops your new breasts came in (assuming you survive the surgery).   I can offer this special deal because I haven’t pissed away a lot of money getting a license or FDA approval for my saline implants.  

    My implants are ziploc bags filled with tap water and Morton salt.   On the box I clearly state not to jump up and down as the zip might not hold and your new breasts will show up somewhere around your ankles.

    Be the first on your block to have a sandwich bag chest to show the world under your new swim suit.

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20 Responses to Rebate ~ Another Word For Stealing

  1. Donald Mills says:

    Well, I don’t believe I’ll be needing any breast enhancement (I’ll ask my personal support worker, Hattie, if she might be interested..she’s built a little like a 2″ by 4″).

    Anyway, great ideas on overcharging the bastards and a great post.Hate those damned rebates

    Enjoyed the read immensely.

  2. What a whiny anti- capitalist snot you started out at, but I see at the end of your diatribe, you came to your senses…and…that maneuver around the FDA is pure genius!
    PS Too bad about cooliris!

  3. Nava says:

    Ah, if you were king… not sure whether to wish for such a situation or thoroughly dread it.

    SO, let’s talk business: do you also provide the new swimsuit, with rebate?

    This is a wonderful painting, by the way. Great work on the hand (I can hear most guys say “what?! there’s a hand in this painting???”)

  4. rahinaqh says:

    Lisa, enjoyed reading this post. And if you think you guys have got problems with thiefs, you may have heard the latest about our right honourable gentlemen and ladies in th British Parliament filling in every form in sight to claim mortages that had already been paid; or 22 grand for garden work. You see the MPs are allowed to claim expenses relating to their duties and these guys are now all having to resign or stand down as they have no credibility left in the public’s eyes. Whose going to employ a corrupt politician? And guess whose pocket that comes out of? Of course us the taxpayers. r.

  5. Nava, what hands?

    Bill very good painting. Ziploc bags… Geez I’ll never think the same about these bags now.

  6. Rhonda says:

    Bill, this is a wonderful painting :) If this is from your daughter, she has inherited your painting genes (I hope you washed them first). Now, I won’t be standing in line for that ziploc baggie breast enhancement so I won’t have to wait 6 weeks for my rebate. And yes, it is stealing and psychologically manipulative and…well, gotta go mail in my rebate stuff now for all that paint!

  7. wrjones says:

    Donald – thanks. Tell Hattie, we can really spruce her up.

    David – yep, once I saw the money, I gave up on that communism business.

    Nava – yes, yes, yes, a clear plastic swimsuit (made from zip lock bag remnants) comes with the deal.

    Rahinaqh – We are forced to mark off on your reading comprehension – Lisa was nowhere near this post.

    Preston – What a difference. It takes a man to comprehend this post.

    Rhonda – this was painted by my daughter. Say can you use a calf bulker? Only $9.95 … after rebate.

  8. Bonnie Luria says:

    Maybe another name for these crooks could be, master-baters!
    I mean, they’re so good and so slick and get away with this thievery that no one questions, they clearly must be masters in their fields.

    Erika has surely inherited the family painting DNA.
    It took your convoluted brain to fashion a tie in between her skillful painting and your social commentary.

  9. Judy Mackey says:

    Interesting Blog! I agree with rebates…How easily they trick us into buying their products only to realize the wonderful price is “after rebate”…easy money for them…
    -Judy

  10. I’m scratching my head on why a king would want breast implants.

  11. Another wonderful story and rant. How on earth do you think of these things? Is your brain on steroids? Lovely painting. Is it by your daughter or wife?

  12. Carol King says:

    Erika has done another fine painting. Please pass on my appreciation of her talent.

    I’m right there with you on the rebates. Why don’t they just offer the product at the cost after rebate in the first place. Why? Because they are crooks!

    The tap water and Morton salt line cracked me up. And really, most women’s breastessesssssssss will eventually end up around their ankles if they live long enough, so why should I purchase the zip lock bags filled with your tap water and Morton salt and then not be able to “jump around?” If I get new perky breasts I want them to be able to stand up straight no matter what position I might be in.

  13. Dawn says:

    I agree with you about the politicians. They need to live like the rest of us so they could make better laws and policy!

  14. wrjones says:

    Bonnie – Careful how you use that word masterbater, you will hurt my feelings.

    Judy – thanks for stopping by. I’m selling my daughter’s paintings dirt cheap.. after rebate.

    Diana – I want the implants so that it looks like years of hanging at the gym accomplished something beside these aching joints. And, I need to sell them to support all the charities. Everyone knows what a philanthorpist I am.

    Connie – I don’t know if my brain is but my body certainly is not. I’ve been paying good money for the steroids but I’ve been given the placebos apparently, judging by my body.

    Carol – you have come to the right blog/breast enhancement center. For only $17.32 + state and local taxes …. after rebate, you can have my “always straight up” wrought iron “get their attention” enhancers.

    Dawn – It is a catch-22, if someone wants to be a politician he/she is alreay a crook, asshole, or both. Yes, there are exceptions, but obvious to the most casual observer, they are rare.

  15. Hi Bill!

    gee, i never thought rebates were so bad until i read your blog. hmmmm. but i’ll definitely skip the implants.

    btw, soon I’ll be heading out for a long vacation (til mid-July or so) to Australia. I don’t know whether I’ll have internet access, so if you don’t hear from me, you’ll know why. but i’ll definitely be back!!!

    enjoy the start of your summer!

    all the best,
    Holly

  16. wrjones says:

    Holly – don’t be hasty. You want to leave a good impression on the Aussies. Consider the implants, I will give you such a deal.

    Have a fabulous time in Australia …. and don’t forget to bring me back a surprise.

  17. Your friend Erika painted a wonderful painting…

    Yes… rebates are a HUGE come one aren’t they??? Why we feel the need to get deals is beyond me… I mean we could all just pay the big bucks all of the time and really stimulate the economy. It’s like the sales they have around the holidays…. Doesn’t it make you wonder how much the marked up the product in the first place when you pay on NON-HOLIDAY sale days????

  18. Rebecca says:

    Tell Erika nice painting! Some talent in that thar family!

    um, I’m waiting for two rebates (after 2 months) which I would never have received if I didn’t call the cell phone company to make sure they were being processed. They weren’t, until I called. :) Now I only have to wait another 3-4 weeks. (hopefully I wont have to call again)

  19. Jala Pfaff says:

    Cool painting!

    Wait, you mean you’re NOT king?!

  20. wrjones says:

    Marian – Thanks. That is my daughter Erika. We aren’t really friends at the moment since she took her dog back and put my wife into a deep depression. It is hard to understand how she could prefer the company of that dog to me.

    Rebecca – I expect the wait for your rebate will be shorter than my wait for a weed painting.

    Jala – ya, that’s right. It doesn’t seem logical that I’m NOT king, does it?

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