Easter Egg

By W. R. Jones


     Easter at my house means tradition.   Thus the easter egg hunt.   Not at my house, of course, eggs are expensive.    I got up very very early  and went over the wall into the neighbor’s back yard.   They have 5 kids.   Thought I would save their kids from too much candy and help keep their cholesterol levels in check.

    Happy Easter to me!   Found a plastic egg with a $20 in it.   I took the bill replaced it with $0.25, and carefully replaced the egg back in the grass.   I think the child finding it should thank me for the larger number he will discover.

    My biggest find was this egg displayed here just before I ate it.   I’m hoping the emergency rooms are open on Easter.   I’m in need of a diagnosis at to whether I have salmonella from a raw chocolate egg or if eating a 1lb egg in one setting is a little over the top for a man of my advanced years.  

    I am in need of professional (aggressive) legal advice as to whether or not I have a case against the neighbors for putting out an egg with no label giving the serving size.

    Later on in the year I will send the neighbor children a short note asking them to cut my grass in appreciation for saving them from cavities and a stomach ache.

This entry was posted in Humor, Painting, Still Life. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Easter Egg

  1. carolking says:

    I can’t believe you haven’t been sainted yet. I’m sure you’re already on the way to beatification. Next time I’m in Rome, I’ll mention it to the Pope. St. Bill has a nice ring to it. I can see the halo forming around your head already. Or maybe that’s just a cloud of dust from going over the wall. I can’t tell from here.

  2. carolking says:

    Hey, look what came up for your post under “Possibly related posts” above:

    “Poop, vomit, and other fun parenting stuff”

    Do they know you or what?

  3. wrjones says:

    Carol – I always try to look out for the best interest of my fellow man – even those little brats next door. I sent a postcard to the Pope asking for sainthood and a recommendation for someone to paint my ceiling. Haven’t heard back yet but I’m expecting email directly. As an aside, did you color any eggs?

  4. Good thing you’re in California. These “exchanges” would never work in Iowa.

  5. wrjones says:

    Diana – yep I’m in California. If the neighbor’s kids were a little older (in the pre teen years) I would have replaced the $20 with some pills for them to get a buzz on.

    Still, let’s not think those upper western states are sanctuaries of virtue. I have a feeling that places like Idaho, Wyoming, and Montana outstrip California in meth production. You have to admire productivity.

  6. Carol King says:

    I did not color any easter eggs. But I got some from my nephews.

  7. Another wonderful laugh. Happy Easter, Bill. (A belated wish for sure.) Love the painting of the egg. And best wishes for your soon-to-be sainthood.

  8. Gwen says:

    You are an bad bad man and I hope you dream of Rabid Rabbits and wake up with Buck Teeth! (still laughing at your post. Wonderfully wicked!)
    On the other hand…I love this painting. I imagine it was a difficult subject with the delicate bow and cellophane wrap. There are so many beautiful shades of blue tones. Really very nice!

  9. Bonnie Luria says:

    The transparency of the lace-y ribbon is second only to you yourself. You DID NOT perform a reversal of fortunes on those little innocents.
    Did you???

    Quite wonderful how the softness of all those cool, neutral gray tones still manage to pull the eye into the painting.

  10. Rhonda Smith says:

    Such a beautiful soft Easter painting. Love the story about your neighbors–5 children–never a dull moment I’m sure.

  11. wrjones says:

    Carol – I bet they colored them especially for their favorite aunt.

    Connie – bless you.

    Gwen – I’m a bad bad man? Now you sound like my mother.

    Bonnie – I may have shorted the little devils; inadvertantly of course.

    Rhonda – thanks.

  12. Jala Pfaff says:

    So you ate a giant chocolate egg? What, no bunnies?

    Great painting.

  13. 100swallows says:

    Bill, I enjoyed reading how the grouch stole Easter.

  14. Rebecca says:

    As we don’t have kids, I waited till Monday to buy the sole Reeses Easter bunny left on the shelf at 50% off…Eric and I ate it after dinner. One bunny was four servings, and enough fat for an entire day. YUM!

    I didn’t suffer as much as you, Bill!
    But, I can see you enjoy the thrill of almost getting caught with your hand in the grass!

    :) Nice painting!

  15. You always manage to make me smile, Bill!!! We had a little 13 (real) egg Easter egg hunt. We only had Tyler so it wasn’t really a race to see which kid would find the most eggs………. until Rocky (our dog) found the first one… Then … the hunt began in earnest!!

  16. wrjones says:

    Jala – I love those chocolate covered marshmallow bunnies. You got any?

    100Swallows – didn’t steal exactly; sort of borrowed an egg or two.

    Rebecca – good economic plan. One year I waited until the day after Easter to by those “egg” boxes of chocolate covered marshmallow eggs at the local drug store. Just before I got there a man bought all 45 of their remaining boxes. I hope he gets fat.

    Marian – 13 eggs for one child? How much bacon does he get; the lucky little tyke?

  17. Barbara Pask says:

    Bill, This is beautiful, love the ribbon and really excellent job on the clear plastic.

  18. Bill, What a pretty painting! It looks so fittingly soft and delicate. Holly

  19. wrjones says:

    Barbara – thanks. I wish you had been there to help me eat the egg. Maybe I would not have been so sick.

    Holly – thanks, I think. I’m not sure I like those words soft and delicate what with me being a bull rider type guy.

  20. Rebecca says:

    He was probably saving the peeps for next year to give to his grandchildren with the baloons that are all rolled up like condoms.

  21. wrjones says:

    Rebecca – I totally hate peeps so his grandchildren and all their friends are welcome to them. I like to two C’s cash and chocolate.

  22. Bill Sharp says:

    Nicely painted, Bill. You’re a true humanitarian.

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