Clouds For The Deaf

By W.R. Jones


    I mean, really, what are the odds?   Maybe there is a higher power doing intelligent design, and who holds some type of grudge against me.

    Thursday, I took a water aerobics class with Erin.   I went early to practice my “eggbeater” water treading technique.  This consists of me hanging on to one of those spaghetti float things then dangling my legs and flailing them ineffectually for 10 minutes before I completely poop out.

   Seeing Erin before getting into the pool I made the mistake of being truthful; a new idea for me.  I told her today I was going to pee BEFORE getting into the pool.  She is very quick.  I didn’t see that hand coming at all.  I heard the pop against my left ear further damaging my hearing on the left side. 

    It snapped my head back.  I saw these clouds.  

    So yesterday, after finishing this painting, I decided to take a muscle conditioning class since, due to rain, I didn’t do my walk.  Wouldn’t you know.  Erin was teaching.   I went to the bathroom before the class.   As I was walking back to the exercise room I met her in the hallway where she said she thought she had lost me.  Seeing an opportunity to test her sense of humour I told her I had to go out to the pool to pee before class.

    I never saw the hand coming.  I felt it pop against my right ear.  She hits hard with the left hand as well; now I can’t hear a damn thing.  I wonder if marijuana will help the pain. 

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting. Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to Clouds For The Deaf

  1. Davis says:

    You inspire me (sort of) to get back in the pool again.

  2. ricktipton says:

    Next time meet her at the door and tell her not to bother changing for her class you “pooped in her locker” and make sure your holding a baseball bat.

  3. lbtowers says:

    …with helmet and bite guard.

  4. ricktipton says:

    Good point!!!!

  5. samartdog says:

    Does Erin teach sign language?

  6. Dianne Mize says:

    Good thing these episodes don’t erase your painting skills. Maybe they help?!? Anyway, I like the painting. I especially like your clouds.

  7. Carol King says:

    oh, nice clouds too.

  8. Carol King says:


  9. Faye Taylor says:

    I really enjoy your style and your stories are wacky…similar to some of mine.

  10. Jala Pfaff says:

    These are great trees and sky!

    I know your brain is working really well, actually, because wow, you “saw these clouds” and then remembered them well enough to go home and paint them perfectly!

  11. wrjones says:

    Davis – get in; water is nice and warm.

    Rick and Lisa – thanks for the most helpful advice.

    Smartdog – She did give me the finger so she does know some.

    Dianne – Thanks. Nice to get a normal comment.

    Carol – You would. Anyway a very clever series of comments. You don’t blather; just make good use of a few words.

    Faye – I went to your site and see you do horses. I’ve been trying to draw a horse for two days. I don’t know why it is so hard.

    Jala – Thanks. Maybe that slap helped?

  12. gypsy-heart says: have been busy. How did I miss so many posts?
    This one is very nice!
    I liked seeing all your posted work and hearing the latest events in the “crazy life of wrjones”

    I am sorry you got slapped..but we all need attitude adjustments once in a while. Maybe it’s Erin that needs some good know, to enable her to put up with you. :)

  13. Maybe you should just take up a solitary physical activity like running so you don’t irritate other people so much.

    Or stay out of trouble by painting more. This is really a lovely piece, Bill.

  14. Dar says:

    I don’t even know what to say…
    but I love the painting. The trees have nice volume and depth, and the clouds are very authentic.
    Oh, unless she’s also teaching kegel exercises, Erin may one day be peeing in the pool as well.

  15. Nava says:

    What pool do you go to, Bill? I wanna make sure I skip it.

    I am just puzzled how come you didn’t see clouds the second time around. I think there’s a lot of material for a medical research here. You might even talk them into getting some medicinal marihuana.

    And yes, nice painting. I like how the tress interlock with the sky and clouds.

  16. Bonnie Luria says:

    Good thing you don’t need aural skills to paint well- and often! I really like the way you handle the tree values and shapes. Mine always seem to look stiff and awkward.
    Doesn’t Erin get your humor by now…….

  17. Katrina says:

    Wow, I read your post on Susan’s blog…you get around, I guess. Love your clouds, Bill.

  18. Barbara Pask says:

    Beautiful painting Bill, very appealing.

  19. Erin M says:

    I only slap those who deserve it…and I slap with LOVE ;-)

    Back tonight for more punishment?
    I expect to hear, “Thank you Ma’am, may I have another.”

  20. 100swallows says:

    But Bill, now that you are an apprentice fish, why do you need hearing?

  21. wrjones says:

    Gypsy-heart – So nice to hear from you again.

    Diana – Thanks. I mostly am alone. No one seems to want anything to do with me. I can’t understand it.

    Dar – If I mention that kegel business am I going to get hit again?

    Nava – Thanks. The second time I was inside. The pool is outdoors so when you get out of the water in winter you lose weight by shivering your ass off.

    Bonnie – Thanks. I suppose she does get the humor but maybe she likes to hit me. I’m not all that crazy about being battered but the class is good.

    Katrina – Thank you. Which Susan’s blog?

    Barbara – Thank you. Did your husband catch any fish when you were painting on the river?

    Erin – What? Could you speak a little louder? My hearing aid batteries are low.

    100swallows – I’m not yet an apprentice fish. Have to work up to it. I’m considered a bobber, but really work more like a sinker. If she keeps hitting me I will be a floater.

  22. Rebecca says:

    Bill, can you hear me?
    Hands off! That stuff is for Lisa, lisa. lisa.

  23. Katrina says:

    Bill, when wrote for 100swallows “I’m not yet an apprentice fish. Have to work up to it. I’m considered a bobber, but really work more like a sinker. If she keeps hitting me I will be a floater.”
    …I laughed n’ laughed, oh lourd! too funny.

    The Susan I was referring to is Susan Cornelis.

  24. It’s an unwritten rule that pool peeing is A-Ok. That’s why they invented chlorine, so whats up with all the slapping? I say, slap her back before you say one word to her. Good peeing, my friend!

  25. Nava says:

    Bill, a little surprise is awaiting you on my blog.

  26. wrjones says:

    Rebecca – come a little closer. That is a nice perfume you are wearing. Hands off? What? I don’t understand that part. Pls splain.

    Katina – I took a workshop with Susan last year. It was a delightful experiece that I would dearly love to repeat. If you feel like painting with her for a weekend let me know and we can paint together and get on each other’s nevers which adds tension to the paitings.

    David – I tried to slap her back but she ducked and I hit the brick wall. That smarted some. Anyway she slaps with love.

    Nava – Went by your blog and thank you for the honor. We have done those in the past and now found we don’t have time. Me because I have a lot of normal work to get done; lisa because she is bone lazy.

  27. Katrina says:

    OK, I’d love to take another workshop with her. She is a dear friend of mine. Do you live in the area, then? If so, try Monday Morning Painting, sometime (plein air). Today we are going to Lake Sonoma.

  28. kimiam says:

    Bills, clouds for the deaf?? brilliant!! Next painting could be ocean for the incontinent.

  29. Nava says:

    Bill, I understand the lack of time. I just think you confused you and Lisa in the excu… um, sorry, I meant the reason.

  30. wrjones says:

    Katrina – this sounds suspiciously like you don’t have a day job. Does this mean your husband makes enough to support two of us? Susan is a neat lady but she does not like to be called neat or cool. You have to be modern to address her. So if you are with her and ready to leave you could say “hey, Susan, you ready to scrape?” I learned that from Lisa who learned it from her son, Dylan.

    Nava – I’m so totally overbooked it is hard to believe. I need to go back in time to being a bored youngster who could think of nothing to do.

    Kimiam – I like the idea. A cloudy yellow ocean.

  31. yvonne ayoub says:

    Hi Bill,
    I have given you the “Passion for Painting” award. Check out my blog for details:
    Kind Regards,

  32. Katrina says:

    I squeek painting in between graphic and web design. I work from home, so I can get at the computer early in the morning or late at night, or when my clients need me.

  33. wrjones says:

    Yvonne – Thanks for the award. Lisa is in charge of awards. I generally just handle the cash or drugs if that is your preferred method of payment.

    Katrina – I need you. Could you make the rounds of comments for me while I have a glass of wine? Make them stupid, sarcastic, and useless and they will never know it isn’t me.

  34. wrjones says:

    Katrina – I tried to leave a message earlier. I totally forget why now. But anyway your site keeps asking for information that I don’t know what it is talking about. This would normally be ok if it is only me whom you probabaly don’t what to hear from anyway but it might be some important customer. It asks for name, email, incomming server, outgoing server, etc. You should look into this as it is rediculous. One should be able to email you straight forward without all the junk. Why don’t you just call me at 805 990 4950

  35. Nice to see that you and Katrina have met here Bill. Now I can tell her more about you when I see her – you know about how handsome you are in real life and all.

  36. wrjones says:

    Susan – excellent idea. Don’t forget to tell her how tall I am (6’4″).

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