Dumber Than 40 Water Buffalo

By Lisa,  no doggone it, it is me again, W.R. Jones.


    This is a painting of Zhilun Li.  She works for me.   She is very smart, very hard working, and very very driven to get given assignments completed.   Someone I have nothing in common with and can’t relate to.

    I do things that are beyond the pale in stupidty to the point I’m wondering how I lived this long.   Perhaps just a random long string of blind luck.   This morning I dropped a painting behind a metal 3 drawer filling cabinet filled with heavy shit.   I’m here at the office all alone.   I tilted the cabinet forward to see if  I could reach the painting.   I could not.

    Having an engineering type mind I tried making double sided tape with a large piece from my scotch tape dispenser.   After I untangled myself from a bunch of it, I fastened it to a ruler.  Tilting the cabinet forward again I leaned over it and reached down with my tool of genius.  The tape came off about 3/4 of the way to my target and stuck to the back of the cabinet.  Oh oh, this was going to block me from getting the painting if I attached another piece to the ruler.  I would have to get this tape off the back of the cabinet first.

    Darn near had it before the cabinet fell all the way over blocking my cubicle door.    The good news is this allowed me to retrieve my painting along with a coat hanger hook (I’ve been looking for that thing for years) and a broken red pencil.   The bad news is now my cubicle door is blocked by the fallen cabinet.

    I briefly (very briefly) used my head in a sensible manner, thinking I should wait for help in picking this thing up.    After all, I had left the gym early last night after injuring my lower back doing some dumb exercise or other.  I sat most of the evening with ice on it so it was not too bad this morning.  

    The sensible part of my brain stopped operating in less than 30 seconds and I picked that cabinet up in an attempt to hide my idiocy from the rest of the office.   Now my back is telling me I have only been using my head as a button to keep my spinal cord from unraveling and I’ve injured my leg.

    I’m going to explain the limp as related to bull riding last night.  I expect you people to back up my story on this.   If the truth should leak out I’m afraid they will put me in an old people’s home.

This entry was posted in Humor, On Suffering, Painting, Portrait. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Dumber Than 40 Water Buffalo

  1. Pegi Sue says:

    I just have to tell you, after reading your blog for months, that this is the most entertaining blog out there!!! You two make me laugh everyday!! Thank you and please, don’t stop. Just be careful!!LOL

  2. Davis says:

    What a great painting — thanks for sharing.

  3. Barbara Pask says:

    This is a wonderful painting, looks like a nice gal. I can relate somewhat to doing things like that, my problem is I move too fast and hurt myself all the time. Bull riding, I’ve got it.

  4. 100swallows says:

    I bet Zhilun Li loves this portrait, Bill. It is very nice.

  5. Irene says:

    Your painting is wonderful. Between that and the description, I feel like I know her. I’m now wishing I could be more like her. :)

    Ok, so now you need to go to the dollar store and get two “easy reach grabbers”. Get one of the shorter metal claw type ones, perfect for getting a bracelet or watch out of the garburator (tested), and one the long plastic kind, perfect for getting paintings out from behind filing cabinets. The longer plastic kind is also great for picking things up off the floor when your back is really sore.

    Thanks for sharing! :)

  6. Rhonda says:

    Bull riding Bill! You bet’cha! Laughing out loud (truly, not just that LOL thingy) at this story – sorry your pain causes me such pleasure, but at least I’m truthful about it.
    Be well – ice and heat and no bending over for a while…

  7. Jane Hunt says:

    Hi Bill and Lisa,
    I really appreciate your blog – beautiful work and very amusing commentary. I have awarded you the “Fabulous Blog Award” which you can pick up at my March 12 post (with follow up and link to you on March 13) at http://janehuntart.blogspot.com
    Thanks for sharing your inspiring work with the world!

  8. Jala Pfaff says:

    Nice portrait, Bill!

    “using my head as a button…” hahahaha!!!!

    I could TRY to back you up on your bull-riding story, but how oh how would I ever be able to explain the reappearance of the broken red pencil?!

  9. Nava says:

    So… if this is a painting of Zhilun Li, why is it called “Lucy.jpg”? Just wondering. It’s a very sensitive portrait, nevertheless, and I like the mood you created with a clean, elegant color scheme, and how the red rose tie with her scarf.

    Bull riding – sure! you can easily Photoshop yourself doing just that, if you need proof.

  10. Anna Surface says:

    LOL “Now my back is telling me I have only been using my head as a button to keep my spinal cord from unraveling and I’ve injured my leg.” I’ve never thought of it this way. LOL

    I really like this portrait as well as the previous one ‘Making Coffee’ ….smile… These are excellent in capturing expressions. Well done.

    You sure get yourself in quandaries, Bill. I understand. Commiserating but laughing…

  11. Jeez Bill,
    I just love this painting. It’s got a perfect composition and I feel like Zhilun Li is just about ready to speak to me about something calm and reassuring. There’s a nice contrast of that very engaging and perky red balanced with the blue greys. I think the painting is great.
    You could have done with some of that calm reassuring stuff as you went through your fishing expedition in the office. Here’s a suggestion – you could keep a fishing pole complete with hook in your office for capturing things that fall between the cracks…
    Thanks for the chuckle.

  12. Leslie Saeta says:

    Thanks for making me laugh … and for making me appreciate all of the stupid things I have done … and there a re a lot of them!

  13. Lori says:

    Lovely painting as usual Bill, its a superb composition with the red flowers and scarf.

    Bull riding huh? Ok, what color is the bull, we got to get our stories straight.

  14. Bonnie Luria says:

    You really captured the eager and aware appearance of Zhilun Li. This portrait has great personality- a beauty, really.

    I bet by now, your office co-workers have Googled your name dozens of times, found your blog entries, bookmarked them, and seek them out like caffeine and ciggies at the 11 oclock break.

    So don’t fudge the bull riding thing.

  15. Carol King says:

    Your imagination is only surpassed by your wonderful paintings.

    Great job, great story, great bull riding!

  16. I’ll bet working in the same office as you do would be a real hoot!!
    Do people take bets on what you’ll come up with next…….. or do they hide…. fearing that they might somehow get involved??
    Hope you’re feeling better Bill!

  17. wrjones says:

    Pegi Sue, Pegi Sue, oh how my heart yearns for you. Hope you like my singing too. Glad to have you as a reader. It is ok to leave barbed comments on Lisa’s post if you need to vent for a day.

    Davis – Thank you.

    Barbara – Thanks. Yep bull riding, don’t forget.

    100Swallows – She did not. And she does not like me having it on my desk showing people. She feels it shows her face as too wide but understands it is wide. She was telling me some Chinese have operation to narrow cheeks. In truth while it does look like her it is not a flattering portrait. And I will NEVER again attempt a painting from a bad photo. I was going from a front flash lit photo taken at a Christmas party. Thought I could make the light up that I wanted. It is very hard. The color was wrong and I had to reverse the lights and darks. So I brought lights and camera to work and took another photo with the light I wanted but now the color was again changed and her face shape completely chanaged. Now I had two references that were very different and neither was flattering and neither showed her true color. I was going to have her pose but she lives far from me and is afraid to drive on freeway. I would see her at work and try to remember what she looked like. That was hopeless. Lesson learned – don’t do that again.

    Irene – thanks for the tip. However, my plan is to stop dropping things behind the cabinet.

    Rhonda – could you come give me a massage after the ice and heat?

    Jala – thanks. Just stick with the story no matter what.

    Nava – thank you. Many of the foreign born employees here go by anglo first names and the company officially uses those names. I expect it is because they get tired of hearing their names butchered.

    Anna – it’s ok, go ahead and laugh at my pain. I can take it.

    K – thank you!

    Lelie – glad you got a chuckle – you are not even in my league for dumb ideas.

    Lori – thank you. I like your spirit of cooperation. Let’s go with a basic black bull.

    Bonnie – I can’t get anyone here to read my blog no matter what I offer. Perhaps it is because they are already aware I’m full of shit so why bother to read about it.

    Carol – I do have a great imagination for catastrophe but this post is a true depiction of events. This reminds me of a week or two back when I went painting with Lisa. She saw my shirt with the bleached arm (which my wife now insists I paint in) and remarked she thought I had made up that story about spraying bleach on my arm to get off red paint.

    Marian – They appear to be hiding. I’m the only one here and there are supposed to be about 2,000 employees.

  18. This is one of your strongest pieces, Bill. It’s a beautiful painting.

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