On Being Buff

by Lisa

Okay, here is the faux letter that I would have loved to have provided to my friend’s attorney (see my last post). I changed the names to protect the truly innocent:

This letter is to confirm that I, Lisa Towers, photographed Dan Jones a total of three times last year. I am a local artist, and I asked Dan to pose for me for reference photos. He is my tennis coach and is very buff. I needed buff for my reference. Photos. And buff he is, as you will see in the thumbnails that I have provided to prove that I am the rightful owner of this set of pictorial buffness.

Dan asked me for a disk with copies of the photos at the time, as he is apparently as impressed with himself as I am. From what I understand, Kinko’s can create large posters from your kodak moments.  Dan not only made a copy for himself, but generously, for his girlfriend, your client, Diane, whom I understand is going through a rather nasty divorce. Perhaps saturated with his physique in person, she apparently chose to store the photos for future reference in the front pocket of an old suitcase. A year diminished her memory of her act of selfishness, and upon needing a larger suitcase to accommodate a skateboard, she sent her son to visit her husband in New Jersey with the tainted suitcase.

Which brings us to how her husband wound up with the photos. I personally fail to understand how he could consider these images pornographic. Yes, a chain was involved in some of the photos, and it is a large, heavy, hard chain. Please be aware that I myself scored that chain from an actual shipyard, and that Dan did not provide it. He even rejected my offer to loan it to him. I feel sure that Dan does not engage in kinky, pornographic, lude, promiscuous, over-sexed, wild, lusty behavior beyond what you or I or the general public engages in, and feel that Diane’s husband is out of line, and probably out of shape, in suggesting otherwise. The poses are standard poses for artists studying the human figure as gorgeous as this one although I did not photograph any frontal nudity, feeling that mystery and suspense grows from merely seeing the goods in back. Every woman I have shown them to at the Art Institute agrees and I have shared them generously as a result. It may help your client to make her husband’s attorney aware that there is a serious following here in California of Dan afficionados willing to vouch for the sanctity of his artistic body.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy, that I must select only a few photos to show below. It is no easy feat to relegate such a veritable human vista to a mere few pictures. Please be aware that these are a representative sampling of a larger body of work.  Quite larger.  If you have any questions, or would lust like to see more, please do not hestitate to contact me.

Yours truly,

Lisa Towers

This entry was posted in Drawing, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to On Being Buff

  1. What a hoot! Love it! Now I want to see those photos – but do not want to get into the middle of this business between feuding ex-spouses!

  2. Lisa – I love this post!!! What a great story –

  3. Love it!! Thanks, again, for making me smile!!

  4. Just love it when you talk dirty…

  5. donna says:

    Good grief. Why is it these assholes in divorces must punish everyone around them? Jerks.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s