By W.R. Jones
This jacket is the color of my skin getting out of the pool last night. Jeeeesussss it is cold when you get out of the water at night with the wind whipping across the pool deck.
I was going to write about my suffering but after reading Lisa’s last post, I really can’t compete. That woman will do anything for a story.
The class wasn’t too awfully bad not counting the incident where both calfs cramped at the same time. Very hard to undo the cramps in the water when you can’t straighten your legs to touch bottom and you are not flexible enough to straighten them by hand.
Ok, it was a little humiliating when the instructor said shouted, “Will one of you ladies please tow BILL to the side before he drowns?”
I was considering a strong drink when I got home to loosen up those tight calf muscles when memory of the suffering of others came flooding back. Namely, I can’t seem to hold my liquor. Here are a few examples in case any of you would like to invite me over for a Super Bowl party:
1. My senior year in high school I was living with a family in Illinois. New home, new carpet. They went out Friday night and I decided to drink. Started in on the scotch which I could only keep down by taking a shot then eating a cracker. Apparently I passed out falling and breaking the coffee table then hurling on the new carpet. I woke up the next day with a huge hangover and the man telling me he had cleaned the carpet and turned on some heat lamps to dry the spots. He wanted me to shut off the lamps when the carpet was dry. I next awoke to the smell of burning carpet. They were somewhat put out with me – really surprised I’m still alive.
2. In the navy on a blind date in San Francisco, blind drunk I guess. At least I wasn’t driving. We picked up my date and I threw up on her lap as she sat in the car. Don’t remember the rest of the date. I’m just guessing here, you understand, but I don’t think she had that much fun.
3. In the navy off a ship to a ship mate’s house for a weekend. New sofa – new as in delivered that day. Yep, you guessed it. Perfect opportunity to throw up. The man says and I quote, “Oh don’t worry, I will take care of it. You must feel terrible, go lay down over there.” I sort of remember his wife saying something like, “What the fuck is wrong with you bringing some fool like this to our home? I’m going to kill him. The sofa is ruined, a little blood won’t matter now.” I don’t recall ever being invited back. Of course, my memory isn’t so good anymore. We were probably best of friends.
I don’t drink like that anymore, at least not for the past week or so.