Christmas Memories

By W.R. Jones,  Painting by E.L. Jones


    Smell is a powerful trigger of memories.   When I smell pine needles, I think of Christmas.   I like to keep a positive upbeat world view, but Christmas has been trying right from the start.   

     My earliest memories of Chrismas were around 4 or 5 years of age.   I clearly remember running with bounding enthusiasm to the stocking over the fireplace that winter morning.   The next memory was running to the bedroom of my parents screaming in my high shrill 4 year old voice, “MOM, DAD,  I got another piece of coal, Santa screwed me again.  Why doen’t he like me?”   Then I was surprised to watch the smiles flood their faces as they gave each other the high 5. 

    Perhaps those stories of my early trying behaviour were not as exaggerated as I believed.

    Here is a MUST have item for me to have a successful Christmas morn – I saw it in the SkyMall magazine on the plane.   It is a small piece of brushed steel that you put into your class of wine to “age” it.   Cost $99.   This is a brilliant idea.  I can continue buying my cheap wine, throw in this lump of steel for awhile (they didn’t mention time) and walla I have a $90 glass of wine.

    I find it astounding that the wine makers don’t know of this scientific breakthrough.  They could dump a load of steel into their vats and produce world class wines out of rotgut.  Probably some wine making industry conspiracy.

   I can see myself standing in a tux at a fine restaurant, ordering the cheapest wine they got for the dinner party with the Governor as the honored guest.   I will pass around my piece of steel and tell them to drop it into their glass to soak until they have a fine wine.   Etiquette requires you not drink out of the glass with the steel in it.  You reach in with your cleanest two fingers and drop it into the person’s glass on the left of you.   After it has passed all the way around the table, it is 3AM and you are ready to drink and eat.   A fun version is to try to toss it into the drink of the person across from you.   Did this once, “Oh, Mrs. Whitney, I’m sure those red stains will come out of that fur.   Don’t you find it wonderful that the glass didn’t break?   I took the liberty of ordering plastic wine glasses. ”

    If Santa brings me a lump of coal this year I’m shooting one of those elves.

This entry was posted in A Mother's Love, Humor, Painting. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Christmas Memories

  1. Sign me up… Two Buck Chuck… becomes an instant award winning wine!!
    No, wait….. Didn’t Chuck win all the awards in a blind test last year???
    Maybe wine is like art a bit… Whomever savors it.. either enjoys it or not….

    Happy Holidays, Bill.. So who is E.L.???? — A multi-talented family it seems!

  2. Bonnie Luria says:

    Turning cheap wine into vintage is easier than painting great flesh tones. Be happy for that since that’s what you did here and really well.
    Just don’t take out your angst on those innocent elves. They’re not even union and terribly overworked as it is.

    You’re so right about the sense of smell being a catalyst for long ago memories.

    Happy Holidays regardless of what you pay for wine.

  3. Maybe this will be the year when you get that toy you always wanted Bill. You sure have been good.
    Merry Christmas.
    What’s that smell?

  4. You know what I’d like for Christmas is for me to get a new avatar pic on your blog. I always look cranky.

  5. A chunk of coal ain’t so bad. Beats the bag of switches I always found.

  6. Barbara Pask says:

    Nice painting Bill, really nice skin tones. Come on now, I can’t believe that you got a piece of coal in your stocking. I just know you were a perfect little gentleman, Oh crap, I just spit out my wine when I typed that.

  7. kimiam says:

    bills, hand me that magical lump of steel and if you hold my magical left nut, it will turn your ordinary, common life into a magnificent life of privilege and prestige! The only, minor flaw in the plan is, I don’t really have any nuts.

  8. wrjones says:

    Marian – I do drink Two Buck Chuck and like the taste. The actual name Charles Shaw seems elegant enough. I didn’t relate it to $2 Buck Chuck until I was putting it into one of those give wine bags to take to a dinner party and my daughter jumped on me – “DAAAAD, you can’t take that – that is $2 Buck Chuck!” Oh. The painting was done my my daughter, Erika.

    Bonnie, my daughter did the painting and it is painful for me to watch her mix paint but she does get the job done. If those little buggers give me one more lump of coal, I’ll be doing some elf bowling.

    Frank – that smell is probably Mango relieving himself on the carpet. He is not fond of cold floors and certainly does not want to venture out into the rain. You can get any avatar you choose by opening a wordpress blog (free). You can then use that blog to comment on wordpress places. You can have a link between your blogspot and wordpress blogs to go easily back and forth. Or, you can just keep looking cranky, we don’t care just glad to have you stop by.

    Preston – did they use them on you? My family used to throw the coal at me. Boy these are some fond memories of Christmas past.

    Barbara – the spitting out of wine is a good sign. It shows that at least part of your brain recognizes truth. The painting was done by my daughter, Erika.

    Kimiam – if you did have a nut, you would be the cutest transvestite ever seen or heard tell of. Anyway, you are not alone, when it comes to such things as bull riding, skydiving, etc. I don’t have any nuts either.

  9. 100swallows says:

    Merry Christmas, Bill. (Just that. I can’t top Kimiam’s comment.)

  10. wrjones says:

    100swallows – It is a wise man who knows he can’t top the words of a beautiful woman. Merry Christmas to you.

  11. Lori says:

    Merry Christmas Bill! Thanks for the comment on my blog.

    Your daughter paints well, I like the painting.

    I heard tell if you take all that coal you got and press it really really hard you can make diamonds out of it.

  12. Bill, Merry Christmas!!! It’s been fun getting to know you and your artwork this year. This is an intriguing composition and subject. It makes me wonder what’s going on . . . Til next year, Holly

  13. Jala Pfaff says:

    I’m sorry to report that we did not actually buy any tequila during our José Cuervo tour yesterday. If we had, I would not hesitate to send you some. As it is nearing Christmas, you may have to make do with eggnog (which, as a vegetarian/near-vegan, has always sounded kind of gross to me…but maybe you like it?). It is VERY hard for me to believe that someone like you ever got coal in their stocking! ;)
    Happy Hanukkah.

  14. wrjones says:

    Thanks, Holly – till next year. May we both achieve such success that we must commicate via agents.

    Jala – Happy Hanukkah to you. Vegetarian? Is that one of those misguided people who eat carrots instead of pork fat. Youv’e made me so hungry I must go get some bacon.

  15. carolking says:

    Walla? Seriously?

    Nice painting, your daughter gave you some of her talent I see.

  16. Rebecca says:

    Merry Christmas you two, from Seattle, this stinkin’ snowed-in hellhole; over-burdened snow-sloshed town…not meant for the two solid weeks of snow that they’ve received here. The gods were generous to let us get here only to trap us ever since, unable to go anywhere, because there are only 40 snowplows in existence in the state of Washington…
    Oh well, we still have enough liquor to go a while.
    I’ll be back in Atlanta soon to write to you both. Ps, I now think since you are clever about your relationship, that Lisa must be your daughter. Plus, she looks my age…please advise. lqtm.

  17. Lovely painting … by your daughter, huh? That’s so cool!

    My dad is also an artist. I used to work for him sometimes back when I did freelance commercial art (back in the day before computers made it all very easy to do the stuff we used to do by hand).

    I never heard of putting steel into a glass of wine to help age it. I’m scratching my head trying to figure out what that would do for the taste. Guess I’ll have to look that one up.

    Wishing you and your family a blessed Christmas holiday and 2009!

  18. wrjones says:

    Carol – my daughter mostly takes from me, big time. Still she does give some back. It is fun to paint with her.

    Rebecca – why would you write to Lisa? She is young enough to be my daugher, and she is cute enough, but she does NOT have my sweet disposition. She is more on the order of an irascible junk yard dog. You can see my daughter, Erika, (painter of this post image) in the portrait section of my paintings. She also is not quite as sweet as me, but WAY nicer than Lisa.

    Diana – It is cool to have a child painting with you. The add mentioned it removed tanins or some such stuff. Ridiculous. $99 for a small piece of steel. Thanks for the Christmas wishes.

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