Falling Blossom Touches Lips That Lie

By W R Jones

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    Ok, in the spirit of that completely dorky blog tagging that has spread like a flu virus, I will share heretofore unshared bric-a-bracs about my character/personality/life/etc.

    1.  I can remember the very first thoughts that ran through my newly formed brain.  These thoughts occured as I decended the birth canal.  “HEY, what the shit?  My house broke.  Who is the jerk pulling on my head?  What is that blinding light at the end of the tunnel?  Oh, Christ, I’ve died already.   Was it the nachos she ate last night?”

    2.  I can remember the very first words out of my mouth; a flurry of lies.  “Great, so happy to be delivered.  I love leaving my warm cozy room for blinding lights, cold, and some idiot beating on my butt before I’ve even had a chance to do something wrong.  Perfect, now I’ve got to suck tit for my nourishment.  Thanks everyone!”

    3.  I wanted cowboy boots REAL bad so I convinced the neighbor boy, Mikey, to take his off.  I threw them out the window then raced outside and hid them.  “Geeze, Mikey, what on earth could have happened to those boots?”   It was a very nice try but one of many failures portending my future lot in life.   I was to extract my revenge later in the year.

    4.  Just before Christmas I convinced Mikey that he had a very cool toy under his family tree if only he had the nuts to open the box.  “No problem wrapping it back up”, I says.   “Your parents will never know.  Who’s to tell?”   In a word, me.  I ratted him out and enjoyed his spanking immensely.

    5.  It was me riding the neighbor’s cows that time they had to call in the vet from Omaha.

    6.  It wasn’t me who fired that derringer at the countertop target in the sporting goods store, missing the box, going through the window, across the street and through the barber shop, but I know who did.  Interestingly enough, the owner of the store took the gun from him directly thereafter, refusing to let him shoot anymore.

    7.   It wasn’t me who carved “SUCKS” in that Marine captain’s ornate desktop name plate, but I wish it had been.

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22 Responses to Falling Blossom Touches Lips That Lie

  1. sandysays1 says:

    Really good! Great to see ligit humor posted as such. Visit me at: http://www.SandySays1.wordpress.com

  2. I just knew you would have some great facts about your life..apparently you’ve been a little rascal all your life. Loved it.

  3. Bill Sharp says:

    One word, Bill – KARMA

  4. silvina says:

    I looked up the word ‘ornery’ and saw they put your picture and blog address with the definition.
    On a side-note; your poor mom.

  5. Dianne Mize says:

    Did I know you as a kid? Sounds strangely familiar. :)

  6. Cool pic. I like images that emerge from the background. Usually it’s not hot orange, which works well here. Hope you got your cowboy boots.

  7. Hahahaha… What a brat you were! LOL Why does that not surprise me? ;)

  8. kimiam says:

    I’m just glad you didn’t elaborate about the cows…

  9. bonnieluria says:

    That nose, those lips, those fibs…….
    All of them- one better than the next.
    Sardonic even as a zygote!

    Do these facial parts belong to the owner of the eye?

  10. You are a very bad boy. Can you spell “lump of coal”?
    Did ya hear about Santa on the pyschiatrist’s (how the f–k do you spell that word?!) couch and the shrink tells him “you need to believe in yourself.”

  11. Bill, please tell your wife you need more attention.

    The painting is really interesting, though. I’m real curious who it is and if you’re going to do another one of the whole face. I hope so.

  12. Lisa B. says:

    Dang Bill, did you grow up in Indiana? Cows hate being ridden, but not as much as they hate riding in the back of a Camaro.

  13. wrjones says:

    Thanks Sandy, I didn’t know dogs had a sense of humor.

    Connie – It was tramatic for me to share my innermost stuff like that.

    Bill – you are right about that word Karma, I need a Karma transplant.

    Silvina – this was your idea. Funny, my mom kept saying the same thing.

    Dianne – maybe. Were you evil too?

    Connie K. – That is cad red in the background. I did get some boots but never wear them. Hey, I’m dumber than 40 water buffalo, what can I say?

    Carmen, you little seed eater, I’ve changed. I’m a good boy now.

    Kimiam – I’m not sure how to take that. You stone pounders are a rough lot. Let she who drops beer bottles behind men’s backs not be the first to cast cow chips.

    Bonnie – thanks for the education. I had to look that stuff up. Going to try to work it into some conversation today.

    David – “lump of coal” oh oh, you are scaring the bejesus out of me. NOTHING for Christmas? You are right about that spelling. I wonder if they can spell it?

    Diana – I don’t think I want more attention from my wife. I try to avoid her knowing what I’m up to. The nose/mouth is made up. I’m trying little body parts on different colored backgrounds just for the hell of it.

    Lisa – Iowa. Are you talking about cows in the back of the Camaro or my dates? I once talked my cousin into picking up a cow’s rear hoof. Cow kicked him in the head. Maybe I was evil.

  14. kevmoore says:

    Have you ever thought about doing the voiceover for a documentary about the Miracle of Life? you know- one of those gynaecam things..with close ups of unformed offspring and other…gooey stuff. I’d pay good money for your take on that.

  15. wrjones says:

    Kev – I think that is just the ticket. Let’s hear from the babies point of view. Warm, cozy, carried everywhere, enjoying that 3rd or 4th glass of wine buzz as mom ignores those TV warnings. Ripped from a great life and slapped on the ass. Welcome, kid, you are going to love school.

  16. Bill – first off, love the painting.
    Second, very entertaining but I wnat to know more about the cows.

  17. Dar says:

    luscious lips, very sensual.
    It looks like you were 15 minutes into the painting, and you made a move on the model.

  18. jalapfaff says:

    That is one awesomely painted nose!

  19. wrjones says:

    Cara – You are the second person asking about cows. We were having a little local rodeo and one cow got injured – I don’t remember how, but it wasn’t all that serious. Why were we riding cows? Even at that young age our brains had come in so we were not about to get on a bull.

    Dar – I’ve been laughing at your comment for the last 10 minutes – very good.

    Jala – Thanks.

    Carol – Now you sound like mom.

  20. Bronwyn says:

    Excellent nose & mouth in the painting.

    I’m so glad I wasn’t your mother!

    Reading the comments, I’m relieved to find out that you’re male, whew! I read your blog post thinking you were a woman, & was much disturbed.

    Being so persuasive, have you considered a career in sales?

  21. wrjones says:

    Bronwyn – can I interest you in buying a painting?

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