By W R Jones
Ok, in the spirit of that completely dorky blog tagging that has spread like a flu virus, I will share heretofore unshared bric-a-bracs about my character/personality/life/etc.
1. I can remember the very first thoughts that ran through my newly formed brain. These thoughts occured as I decended the birth canal. “HEY, what the shit? My house broke. Who is the jerk pulling on my head? What is that blinding light at the end of the tunnel? Oh, Christ, I’ve died already. Was it the nachos she ate last night?”
2. I can remember the very first words out of my mouth; a flurry of lies. “Great, so happy to be delivered. I love leaving my warm cozy room for blinding lights, cold, and some idiot beating on my butt before I’ve even had a chance to do something wrong. Perfect, now I’ve got to suck tit for my nourishment. Thanks everyone!”
3. I wanted cowboy boots REAL bad so I convinced the neighbor boy, Mikey, to take his off. I threw them out the window then raced outside and hid them. “Geeze, Mikey, what on earth could have happened to those boots?” It was a very nice try but one of many failures portending my future lot in life. I was to extract my revenge later in the year.
4. Just before Christmas I convinced Mikey that he had a very cool toy under his family tree if only he had the nuts to open the box. “No problem wrapping it back up”, I says. “Your parents will never know. Who’s to tell?” In a word, me. I ratted him out and enjoyed his spanking immensely.
5. It was me riding the neighbor’s cows that time they had to call in the vet from Omaha.
6. It wasn’t me who fired that derringer at the countertop target in the sporting goods store, missing the box, going through the window, across the street and through the barber shop, but I know who did. Interestingly enough, the owner of the store took the gun from him directly thereafter, refusing to let him shoot anymore.
7. It wasn’t me who carved “SUCKS” in that Marine captain’s ornate desktop name plate, but I wish it had been.