Green My Ass

By W R Jones


    On a walk yesterday we picked up more than 50 plastic water bottles, soda, and beer cans.  Doesn’t ANYONE teach their children not to litter?  Every household and every apartment has trash cans, can’t these people wait until they get home?

    Hell no.  You look at the parking lot of a grocery store and see trash everywhere.  There are litter receptacles just outside the door.  If you can’t wait to get home to eat that ice cream bar shit-for-brains, stand by the trash can to unwrap instead of walking 50 feet then dropping the wrapper on the ground.

    Here are my proposals:

        1.  No more plastic water bottles.   If you insist on paying $1.30 for some water, you must buy an authorized hard reuseable bottle for $10 ($3 of which is mine for coming up with this idea).  Then at filling stations, grocery stores, etc,  you can pay your money to refill YOUR bottle.  There would be an ID associated with each bottle.  If you lose it and it is found on the street or in a landfill, $1000 fine ($300 of which is mine for coming up with this idea).

       2.  I would follow the lead of England and place cameras at areas that collect a lot of trash.  Those caught dumping anything would be fined enough to pay for the cameras, people to man the cameras, and a first class flight for me to europe.

    We also found two cans of spray paint in the bushes by the high school.  I’m all for killing outright those graffiti people.   I’ll get into the details of my graffiti solution in another post.

    I probably should have ran for president.  For those of you who think my ideas too middle of the road for me to get elected, think again.   I would have won by a landslide.  I know this because I am special.  I know I am special because I keep getting mail telling me so.  They tell me I have been especially selected to receive this offer.   I get enough of these to know somewhere Bambi has lost his forest, he will soon be road kill (maybe in time for Thanksgiving dinner).

    If we think logically for a moment (but only for a moment) and take the intersection of all these offers, I must be the only one special enough to get more votes than there are people in the country.

    Oh oh, I just had a scary thought – anyone as popular as me will be having people who want to take pot shots at me, like the neighbors for instance.



I have been chain tagged by three at once.  This is call gang chaining I guess.  I would normally ignore it but I have great respect for the painting/writing skills of my taggers so I will (sort of) keep it going. 


  1. put a link in your posting to the person who tagged you.

  2. list 7 unusual things about yourself

  3. tag 7 other bloggers and let them know

RULE 1.     Bonnie

                 Jala Pfaff

                 silvina       (Studio 280)


RULE 2.     I don’t think so; there is nothing unusual about me.  Mediocrity is my curse.  If something comes to mind later I will fill this part in. 

RULE 3.     Cara Dawn Romero      hey, if you are not painting you

                                                    may as well be blogging

                 Carol King                   you just finished a painting

                                                    so you have time for this

                 Barbara Pask                this is what you get for commenting

                 Connie Snipes             Connie – I always liked you

                 Dar                              We haven’t heard from you in a while –

                                                     this should wake you up

                 Diana Moses Botkin     Maybe you can follow behind me and

                                                     clean up my comment litter

                 Rebecca                        You have not been painting

                                                      my weed so take this!

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to Green My Ass

  1. Lisa B. says:

    If fast food chains would serve all their happy meals on fine china, I’d have service for twelve by now. Until then, I’ll just have to keep picking up the trash out of my front yard. Did you know that it takes 2.5 miles to eat a Big Mac?

  2. carolking says:

    Bill, Yes, you ARE special. Very, very special!

    I agree with you that when it comes to trash most people are idiots who can’t see past that one second with a piece of trash in their hands that they need to get rid of. So, toss it on the street, rather than take it with you to throw out at home or look for a garbage can. One time a car in front of us on the West Side Highway threw a whole bag of McDonalds stuff out the window. Bag, wrappers, cups, soda, straws…. I thought my husband was going to get out of the car, go over to him and make him pick it all up. I had to remind the husband that he was not in uniform. And why do people eat on the subway and then shove all their trash under the seats. Disgusting. Do they do that in their own homes? Is that the way they were brought up? Have they no repsect for everyone else that shares the subway? Oh, don’t get me started. YOU HAVE MY VOTE.
    Oh yeah, nice painting. No litter in it.

  3. bonnieluria says:

    You’ve hit a real nerve here. In my old apartment building, people threw their trash off their terraces onto the grass below them. I’d lose my mind.
    What gear is missing, what genetic molecule, that says this is an ok thing to do!!!!
    People can carry a tote bag, a brief case, a cell phone case, a baby papoose, a nappy bag- that, they have arms and hands for, but a candy wrapper- oooh, that’s a nuisance to carry around. Bing!!!!
    On the ground.

    Your ass may be green but perhaps this will make your face red: I’ve tagged you on my blog- come have a look and watch your pulse subside!

  4. Ken Januski says:

    I think you might enjoy ‘Sick Puppy’ by Carl Hiaasen. It takes Revenge on Litterers to Places Not Previously Known to Man.

  5. ivdanu says:

    Your ARE special. I’ll vote you Prime Minister of Canada! (better then Harper, no doubt!) and we can make a death squad (or at least a BB gun squad) to teach some manner to both litters and graffiti people!

  6. wrjones says:

    Lisa B. – 2.5 miles to the Big Mac. I wonder how much further for the fries and then the drink. Maybe we could follow the culprit home.

    Carol – it would have been a better illustration if I had put, oh say, a Tootsie Roll wrapper in it. I positively hate littering, except when I’m in Lisa’s car. It aggravates her more than me which makes it kind of fun. You won’t be sorry for electing me. I LOTS of good ideas. If I were king you husband could have shot that whole carload under the Green Defense law.

    Bonnie – I’ll be right over. Can I stay? Oh my, would that bug Carol. I’ll send her photos EVERYDAY of me laying in the sun.

    Ivandu – consider yourself in my cabinet.

  7. bonnieluria says:

    PS- I agree with Ivandu – having just finished reading Sick Puppy. It’s your kind of humor.

    Did you mean right over to my blog or to my deck?
    One requires a browser, the other some hair and makeup.

  8. This problem is bewildering to me, too. Maybe it’s time to run those public service announcements again that reminded people not to be “a litter bug”. Put those on the internet, as well as the tv. Our generation got the message but apparently we didn’t pass on the concern to our children and grandchildren? Or maybe there are so many newcomers to our country who have just never heard of the concept of putting trash in appropriate receptacles instead of on the ground.

  9. Barbara Pask says:

    Well you have my vote, I like the way you think. My husband and I always pick up litter. One time we were sitting in the car outside a Rally’s eating and two young boys walking down the road starting littering, my husband screamed out the window “pick up that litter”. They never even looked around they just started picking it up. Another time we drove like maniacs chasing a car we saw littering, I think I was glad we didn’t catch up with them.

  10. Jala Pfaff says:

    You are, in fact, so special that you’ve been tagged AGAIN–this time by me, today.

  11. Jala Pfaff says:

    P.S. How do I get rid of that creepy little cartoon face that shows up next to my posts?

  12. silvina says:

    Hi Bill, I agree with the junk mail solicitors, you are indeed mighty special. So special in fact, I have especially selected you to take part in a rousing game of tag! Please check my blog.

  13. wrjones says:

    Bonnie – I meant to the blog. Later for the deck; I have to make sure everything is packed. I have some makeup to use, but do I really need hair?

    Diana – I don’t think it is newcomers. It is us; we are not training each other properly.

    Barbra – WOW, you better settle him down. He will get you shot. Carol’s husband is a cop so he can shoot back and I don’t think even he would do that in a civilian car with his wife along. She has a cute face and there would be no one to walk the dog if she got hurt. (However, I think she recently put on a few pounds so he might consider her as extra muscle for the fight)

    Jala – told you I was special. I out here on the porch waiting for my painting. Damn it is cold out here. If you want control of your avatar, get a wordpress blog (free and actually a much better blogging machine than blogspot). Comment on wordpress blogs from your wordpress site. You can have a link from it to your normal blog. Chose your body part carefully as Carol has a very cute face and Bonnie a beautiful half-foot (her face is quite nice as well – don’t know why she uses that foot). You could use a hand or maybe an ear. Don’t use a breast I will spend all my time trying to enlarge the avatar.

    Silvina – you have made my day or at least used up a great deal of it. I like your work anyway.

  14. Bill,thank you for tagging me. I shall get right on it as soon as I can come up with 7 unusual things…I also tend toward the mediocre. I may have to list just “things” rather than “unusual things.” I think you should do this…would love to know more about you. I agree about the littering.
    I will be so delighted when you are elected King of Everything and put a stop to this.

  15. Dar says:

    Bring back the litter injun that could…cry.

    I’ve been hibernating, Bill. It’s cold and gray. I should really move to California. Or you can sub-let to me while you’re in St Croix.

  16. I am with u about the litter. In Australia we get $200 on the spot fines for littering and kids who graffiti have to scrub their tags off. It’s been so drilled into me that I get scared to throw an apple core out of the car window… but I wish they were stricter on graffiti in Italy! Here it’s like artwork… we had an enormous exclamation of love from one kid to another in lieu of their 2 month aniversary out the front of our place the other day.. I was so mad! Totally cheapens the area… By the way I am so disappointed you didn’t list 7 random things about u!! Can’t be that difficult? Can it?

  17. Rebecca says:

    Thank God (Bill) for finally sounding like a plausable candidate! (You know Arnold is leading one of the causes!)

    It’s kind of like cake; a minute on the lips, forever on the hips. Bottles; 45 minutes on a treadmill, forever in a landfill.

    I have been painting, but trying to get ready for a show..I’ll post stuff then..sorry!!

    P.S. Some smart elected official once said that any person who actually wants to be president is probably not qualified to do so!

  18. kimiam says:

    Bill, I swear that wasn’t my empty bottle. It was the one armed man…

  19. wrjones says:

    Connie – your vote means the world to me, or at least most of the USA.

    Dar – cold and grey? Perfect weather for some plein air work. Tell your husband to prepare Thanksgiving dinner while you paint out in the front yard. Carol says I can’t go to St Croix, I will be arrested if I do. Can I come paint with you? Do they have a police department anywhere near where you live?

    Seeds – I’ve got an idea. You make up 7 things you think might be about me and I will use those.

    Rebecca – we will be waiting for the show paintings, and the wine for the show, and some cheese, but not any pomegranates, and some olives (green).

    Kimiam – you think I did not see you with your arm behind that man discreetly dropping that beer bottle? I noticed because that is the way I do it.

  20. carolking says:

    Thank you for tagging me Bill.

    Unfortunately I only have 4 regular visitors to my blog and you are one of them. So I can’t fulfill Rule # 3.

    I’m in the Federal Witness Protection Program so I can’t fulfill rule #2.

    However I will be happy to put your link in my next posting.

  21. gypsy-heart says:

    wr…I so agree about the liter. You should see what washes up on the shore of the river here! :O

    Another nice really are a good painter!!


  22. Bill – Thanks for the tag – check it out when you have a minute…I think I did ya proud!

  23. silvina says:

    You cheated. I was really looking forward to laughing hysterically about your 7 unusual traits.

  24. Nava says:

    Awww, but we all know you are so very special! I’d vote for you (but it won’t count, as I’m not a citizen).

    I wonder if that green-ass symptom comes from you sitting on the grass trying to come up with more plein air paintings for your leaf series? I think Vicodin can take care of that.

  25. wrjones says:

    Carol – I will look forward to being in your next posting (sometime in … spring of ’11, based on your posting frequency). We don’t actually get that many visitors either. I make up all these other names and their comments – I’m getting so tired.

    Cara – I will be over after I post. Shoot, I don’t have any ideas for a post.

    Silvina – you have shamed me. I will make an attempt over the weekend where I can get help from my daughter (although I’m a little afraid to ask).

    Nava – I’m going to be King. You can vote, but only for me. If you have some Vicodin – you can be Queen, but I need them by party time tonight.

  26. Looks like someone else beat me to the tag, huh??? I was counting on reading some of your secrets…. But then… who would have believed them anyway???? … So how about Lisa????

  27. Oh thanks a lot, Bill.. like I don’t have enough people to clean up after already. :~)

  28. jalapfaff says:

    Bill, you can pick out a small oil painting from me after you list 7 true and interesting items about yourself. If you do it quickly, I’ll let you come in off of the cold porch.

  29. jalapfaff says:

    P.S. Can you tell me why a wordpress blog is better than blogspot? The Husband has been trying to convince me of the same.

  30. jalapfaff says:

    Wow, you got rid of the little cartoon face for me?!

  31. wrjones says:

    Marian – Lisa is a curmudgeon, she won’t play. But her last post is interteresting, especially to a 6’4″ athlete like me.

    Diana – sorry, just ignore it if you don’t mind being called a curmudgeon like Lisa.

    Jala, for Christ sakes, you are using up all my comment space. They have to be TRUE? You believe in setting the bar very high indeed.

    When I had a blogspot blog, I had to mess around with adding widgets to do this that and the other that are taken care of in wordpress. The counter of visits would count each time I went to my own blog unless I did some trick or other to block it. Then if I logged in from another computer it would count me again. Overall I found wordpress to be way more intuitive and user friendly with better user services. I don’t know if this is still true as I dumped that blog over a year ago.

    I didn’t do anything related to your avatar. You are looking a little green to me.

    Your comments are 1 minute, then less than one minute apart. Try to gather your thoughts before hitting the submit key. (Na, I don’t care – just glad you stopped by).

  32. jalapfaff says:

    Seasick, I guess, from all the hitting the Submit Comment keys.

  33. kevmoore says:

    I can’t even begin to formulate my response on littering, Look, I’m getting so angry i cantttt type…grrr…I think i’ll just go out and punch someone. Call my lawyer.

  34. wrjones says:

    Jala – do you pop out of your clothes when you get mad?

    Kev – calm down and apply for a sniper’s license. You might as well make a few Euros while trimming the world of a few of these little buggers as the brits might say.

  35. Actually, Bill, “curmudgeon” is fairly accurate… just ask my kids. The label puts me in good company, anyway.

    So… I suppose I should really do something with this tag thing.

  36. gypsy-heart says:

    What did I do that you stopped “talking” to me? :O

  37. wrjones says:

    Jala – The Green man superhero who breaks out of his clothes when he gets angry. Maybe it was another hero (Crack Man or the like). Maybe someone will take pity on me and tell me what the devil I’m talking about.

    Gypsy – Nothing, I was out of town then had a short week. I will be by shortly to harass you. Today I’m putting up a poem. You like poems; I’m interested in your response to this. I’m so sorry I missed the comment about the flotsam washing up on your river. On the weekends and nights I only have access via phone and it is easy for me to miss something.

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