By W.R. Jones
Politics is all we hear now. They talk about the war, the economy, the health care crisis, and how evil the opponent is, but the ELEPHANT in the room is ignored. I’m talking about the global epidemic that if it were flu would be daily headline material.
The pandemic I’m referring to is tiny limp dicks. Apparently some type of virus is sweeping through the male population leaving no natural wood left. This morning I deleted 27 spams, each of which promoted some male “enhancement” product. Shoot, I just remembered Lisa is growing that new mustache – I probably should have let her read them first.
With all of this flacidity the population is bound to crash. This will, of course, put further pressure on the already sagging housing market. There will be no one to buy.
Last night on TV I was assailed by yet another add promoting a larger more vigorous pecker. A “natural” product. The virile male actor (virile until he admitted to a macaroni sized member) testified how this product made him “perform” better. His “wife” was sitting next to him with a shit eating grin as further testimony.
This product was so good and so effective they would send you a week’s supply for the cost of a stamp! They were so certain of its value they could make this incredible offer.
Whoa – the price of a stamp? Trust but verify as the man said. I backed up the DVR and paused on the fine print. You had to give them your credit card number for the stamp. What? You were also obligated to sign up for an automatic product shipping deal. So, you get the first week for a stamp but before the week is out the next shipment is in the mail. And guess what, this one is a bit more than the cost of a stamp. In fact, if you hold your wallet in one hand and your pecker in the other, it will, by comparison, seem very large indeed.
Entrepreneur I am, I’ve decided to make my own natural enhancer from the plant in this painting. I don’t know what the hell it is but it is natural, therefore it must be healthy.
I’m going to call my product Big Timber. I think I will put a picture of myself on the bottle. I like the idea of being in EVERY medicine cabinet and on EVERY bedside table in the world. It might not taste so good, better take it will a little wine and cheese. Also, for most effective use, you should dump that sweat hog you married and find someone you can stand to look at.
Yes, ladies, I will be coming out with a product just for you and a recommendation you leave El Gordo to give it some (however slight) possiblilty to work.