Lying Little Children Turn Into Pumpkins

By W. R. Jones

    This painting gives me the impression of an illustration for a children’s fable.  “Little Children Who Lie About Eating The Candy Turn Into Pumpkins”.  So that would be me and my friends there in the field.  The big one in the foreground is me.

    A remark I heard on the news – “New hope for older women who want children.”  So I’m thinking they have developed a new drug that makes women come to their senses.

    Another line I heard on TV – “Love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru”.  Are you shitting me?  Does this work?  Does this trigger a buying impulse?  Can these shitbirds say just anything that pops into their mind and the lemmings will toodle on down to the car dealer?

    Does this line appeal to young men?  They connect the word love with the word laid and visualise themselves driving down the street slowly with sunglasses and their arm out the window.  “Hey baby, like my new ride?  Hop in.”   “Is that your car or you mom’s?”  “Mine, all mine – it is a love car.”  “Thanks anyway, I’ll walk.  It is only 12 more miles and it isn’t snowing that hard.”

    There should be a law that would allow you to hit someone who spews such disconnected nonsense in the head with a hammer.

    Oh ya, I know what you are thinking, but I will be wearing a helmet.

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35 Responses to Lying Little Children Turn Into Pumpkins

  1. grfxho says:

    Brilliant post and brilliant painting.

    Protective gear suits you, Bill. You’ll look dashing in a crash-helmet.

  2. Anna Surface says:

    Beautiful painting! LOL Most ads are cow patties as love glamorized. :)

  3. bonnieluria says:

    Bill- I had to look twice to see if this was a painting or a photo. ( Irrelevant that my visual acuity has ahem , changed over the years…) but still.
    What a beauty this is.
    That big foreground pumpkin is terrific in it’s light and shadows and ridges.

    I don’t think YOU would get snookered into buying anything based on moronic advertising.

    My response to imbecilic marketing is the mute on the remote, or if that fails to shield me, the power button. We haven’t lost ALL of it yet….

  4. 100swallows says:

    That’s a great pumpkin patch, Bill–really! I only noticed the fine bird on my second look–he’s so black! Is he a crow? I didn’t know they wore trousers like a hawk. Well, shorts. Is there a gleam in his eye or didn’t that come out in the picture?

  5. Rebecca says:

    Nice painting Bill! So, you’re the sticky faced fatty in front, eh?
    2 new posts. no weeds yet. next month…

  6. Dar says:

    This must be the leg cancer painting. I am astonished by the authenticity of the color and light. Very cool!

    I’ve trained my kids to scrutinize television ads, you know, in an effort to raise cynical children. They still think I know everything, but they are starting to look at me like I’m the OxyClean guy.

  7. wrjones says:

    Thanks, Shay. I should look pretty good until all those hammer dents take the shine off my helmet.

    Hi Anna – Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco.

    Thanks Bonnie, I don’t need any prompting, I make moronic purchases under my own steam. Try to get the place fixed up so I can come there when it gets too cold.

    Thanks 100swallows, there is a gleam in the eye. That is the wicked witch waiting to eat all the children turned to pumpkins (they are stuffed with candy which gives this sweet toothed bird a gleam in her eye).

    Yep Rebecca, that’s me up front. I’ve been a dedicated weed hunter as Lisa can attest to. I simply have not been successful. I want a weed with only the tip in sunlight and leaning just so on the sidewalk or against a wall or post.

    Dar – I’m impressed by your memory. This is the very painting that gave me scratch off cancer. I’ve decided not to amputate until I get another 12 or 15 opinions.

  8. Bill you keep me laughing. I love the painting – do you think love makes a pumpkin a pumpkin?

  9. Lori says:

    Wow Bill, you must of ate an enormous amount of candy, that pumpkin is big! So what happens next? You all turn into jack o’lanterns? Or get baked into pumpkin pies?

    I love the painting, nice composition and colors its all excellent.

  10. I see leaves in this painting…. Is this another one of your series series???

  11. Bonny says:

    Great painting!!It really would make a super illustration for a children’s story. In some societies, I believe crows are harbingers of death,so along with the pumpkins you’ve got Halloween covered! Its just missing some ghouls.

    Thanks for vidsitng my Blog :))

  12. I like the way your mind works way, way to much to ever,ever tender the disgusting idea of hitting you in the head with a hammer!

  13. Don Gray says:

    Really nice painting, Bill. The crow is a great addition–good foil for the children…er…I mean pumpkins!

  14. Yes indeed, it is a lovely painting.

    And you’ve made me laugh which is always good. Thanks for the serotonin boost.

    So what happens to kids who lie about other stuff besides eating candy?

  15. grfxho says:

    David Lobenberg: I think his mind works that way BECAUSE he’s been hit, slapped, and kicked in the shins so many times.

  16. wrjones says:

    Cara – love keeps a bumpkin a bumpkin but has no effect on pumpkins that I know of.

    Lori – I have eaten enormous amounts of candy in an effort to save other children from bad teeth.

    Marian, Marian – you are right – this is number 4. Oh my goodness number 4.

    Bonny – my crows are harbringers of Tootsie Rolls. They wouldn’t know from death if they were laying in it, but they do know chocolate syrup.

    Well David, there is where you and my mother differ.

    Thanks Don. I used a parakeet for the model, placing a small black cape on him. Had a hell of a time sewing that cape.

    Diana, I will let you know in the future the consequences about other lies.

    grfxho, as a medical professional you are not suppose to share information about our therapy sessions.

  17. That’s a gorgeous painting, and the composition is spot-on. I love how you addressed the ground cover. I’m sorry I have nothing clever to say; I feel like the guest who came to the house-warming empty-handed.

  18. kimiam says:

    lol, bill, this is why so many of us roam the world feeling numb now -with so many lies from advertising, politics, religion and everyday life whacking us in the face all the time, eventually we lose feeling. You’re my hero!

  19. wrjones says:

    faerydroppings – thanks for your comment – you don’t have to say anything clever here, and you don’t have to spell correctly either. This is a whiffle dust bowl welcoming everyone. Thanks for coming. Did anyone ever tell you you look like a painting?

    Kimiam – I must say I like your low standards for heros. I, myself, have only a passing aquaintance with lies.

  20. carolking says:

    Bill,
    Bill, Bill, Bill,
    As I look at your painting (love it)and read your post I am always amazed at how your mind works. You start out talking about the painting and somehow end up ranting about Subaru commercials.

    No matter, Love this painting and your posts (and visitor comments) always crack me up.

    And no matter HOW MANY TIMES you hint at going to visit Bonnie in St. Croix I have first dibs on the guest room!

  21. grfxho says:

    A passing acquaintance with lies, yes, but a Bullshit is his BFF.

    Wait, did I just bungle that patient-doctor confidentiality bit again?

  22. wrjones says:

    Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, you and bowser can have the guest room – I’m angling for the master bath. Bonnie has a perfectly good hammock for the night. Could you please have my coffee ready in the mornings?

    Ok, grfxho, go ahead and embarass me – what does BFF mean?

  23. I agree… a very painting … and story…

  24. grfxho says:

    Best Friend Forever

  25. wrjones says:

    Sylvia – you are the rare woman of few words.

    Well, grfxho, I guess that knowledge and insight into my pysche is what makes you the doctor. I’m in the mood to elevate my feet and tell you some more of my problems.

  26. grfxho says:

    You just want an excuse to put your feet up on the furniture. That won’t work though, Bill. I don’t care how much Halloween candy you try to bribe me with!

    (Got any Reese’s Peanutbutter Cups?)

  27. wrjones says:

    Baby – I have the Reese’s. I will be over later. Please put a pillow on the coffee table so I will be comfy.

  28. grfxho says:

    Too late, I’m afraid. I’ve already been bribed by someone else with miniature butterfingers.

    I can make room for you to sit by tossing a blanket on top of the dog crate though.

  29. wrjones says:

    Done deal- I know you treat your dog better than Lisa treats me. I will be very comfortable there.

  30. grfxho says:

    Just because she won’t play fetch with you or let you off your leash…

  31. kevmoore says:

    I never understood all this subliminal advertising bull. I remember an adline from the film “Crazy People” starring the late Dudley Moore (no relation) – in the film a bunch of asylum residents end up working as top ad execs (no change there then) and they come up with the brilliant tagline : VOLVOS- THEY’RE BOXY, BUT THEY’RE GOOD.

  32. kevmoore says:

    P.S. In the spirit of halloween, I feel I have to declare -I like children, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

  33. wrjones says:

    But you are COMPLETELY wrong there, grfxho. Lisa does let me off the leash to play fetch. She will unclip me then throw a Snickers all the way across the freeway and scream GO GET IT BILL! By odd coincidence there always seems to be a lot of traffic around 5PM so it is tricky for me to fetch the bar. And also strange is her look of utter disappointment after I have completed the very task she asked me to do. I don’t understand that woman.

    Kev – as always you are right on – we musn’t overdo. Just a little tidbit of a child here a child there.

  34. Bill, Oooh I love those pumpkins! The one in the front left is my favorite. Maybe it’s the stem and the shadow that make it pop out more. Beautiful! Holly

  35. wrjones says:

    Thanks Holly – this is what could happen to that string of children you painted if they start lying about the candy they’ve eaten.

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