Discretion

By WR Jones

    This is a watercolor sketch I did of Karen, an aerobics instructor, some years back.   I was planning on a large oil painting based on this but it never got off the ground.  In fact, I don’t think it even got off the couch.  So what’s new.

    She has caused permanent damage to various parts of my body to the point I wonder why I keep taking her classes.  Then I remember, oh ya, it is because she gives me a Tootsie Roll before each class; she is my favorite teacher.

    Last Thursday I was in her spin class riding next to Barbara, a nurse – she told me – but I question this as when I told her I had some chest pain and asked for a little CPR she slapped me.  Are nurses allowed to strike their patients?  Still, it may simply be a technique I’m not aware of as it did get rid of the chest pain.

    So, anyway, I’m riding along minding my own business as usual when I notice a scrap of tissue hanging over the top of Barbara’s sports halter (or whatever those tops are called).  I casually leaned toward her and in my most discrete voice said, “Your breast enhancement product is leaking.  Would you like me to tuck it back in for you?”  Just trying to be helpful you understand.

    Karen then says, “Is there something you wanted to share with the class, Bill?”  “Ah, er, nope I don’t think so.”  

    I was alway taught those in the medical profession carefully guarded the privacy of their patients.  So, once again, I question if Barbara is really a nurse as she – and this was NOT in her library voice – blurted out, “He wants to touch my breasts!”.   Oh my Lord.

    I quickly let the class know I was trying to discreetly help this woman out.  I was totally unprepared for the almost unanimous unanimous hoots of derision from the class.  Apparently they do not hold my view of my ability to be discreet. 

    Thus my week was a mixed bag; on the plus side, since being ejected for life from the gym, no more injuries; on the down side, no more Tootsie Rolls.

    Anyway ladies, don’t come running to me when the stuffing comes out of your enhancement products, you are on your own.

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This entry was posted in Humor, Painting, Portrait, Watercolor. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Discretion

  1. Wow Bill… this is a wonderful watercolor. The woman sure looks like she’s a tough cookie in real life. I’d be careful getting next to that left hand of hers. She’s obviously been developing it to oversize proportions.

  2. Lori says:

    Wow Bill, so is that the secret to looking like Karen, Tootsie Rolls?

  3. My sight is just fine and I can see that Karen’s hand is out of proportion to the rest of her body (i.e. too large). There is a well known Caravaggio painting, however, where Jesus’s right hand was painted out of proportion so you are in good company. He too was easily pleased when presented with bags of Tootsie Rolls instead of money for his church commissions. Catholic priests have always been extremely miserly (except when it came to persecuting Jewish money lenders. Of course, since that time, we now know that money lending has been perfected into a fine science of economic disaster.) Now I know what to get you for the holidays!

  4. wrjones says:

    Diana – She has trimmed down in the years since this was painted. That hand does seem a trifle large. This is where the cropping sissors trump the brush. Please note that if you are up on your art history you will have seen the drawing by Van Gogh of the man with the HUGE hand holding the saw. So I’m carrying on the work of the masters who preceded me.

    Lori – she is not eating the Tootsie Rolls, I am.

    Yep, David, all I will be needing is a bag of candy and a hand trimmer.

    One of the horrors of watercolor is seeing the drawing off after you have painted.

  5. What a powerful woman! Beautiful painting with extraordinary shades…

    well done

  6. lori says:

    Hmm, back in the dim past when I used to go to the gym they would make us drink odd drinks with fruit and protein in them. Supposed to be good for us so naturally I thought there most be some magic properties to Tootsie Rolls. Darn!

  7. Anna Surface says:

    LOL ‘sports halter’ LOL I like that. Great watercolor, and she looks like she can march an army…”Move it! Move it!”

  8. carolking says:

    you went to a spinning class???? Hmmm, interesting. And I don’t believe one word of your story. With those hands I think that aerobics instructor could have decked you and never missed a beat with her class insructions.

    I did 30 minutes on the elliptical today and then went to a bootcamp class. All before coming to work. I was so tired I couldn’t have gotten in trouble even if I wanted to. You sure are “special”

    Nice watercolor!

  9. Rebecca says:

    Geez, she should have been happy to have someone cop a feel. You know it’s like hugs..5 a day keeps you healthy. ANY NURSE SHOULD KNOW THAT!!

  10. wrjones says:

    Disturbed Stranger – I like your name so much I think we should go out together on Halloween night.

    Christ Lori – you fell for that fruit business?
    Jog on down to the seven eleven and pick up some powdered dounuts. It is time for you to act responsibly. If you can’t find any, call Rebecca, she makes them out of bagels.

    Anna – she does move armies, but her mantra is hurt it hurt it.

    Carol – step back non believer or the rain will never come. You are going to look so good with all that exercise. Your dog could use a few laps as well.

    Oh my god, Rebecca, finally someone who understands medicine.

  11. Nava says:

    Alas, yet another devastating example that the world just doesn’t understand you, Bill. All that good intention and well-meant gestures in one saintly man, and yet you keep being misinterpreted – it’s just unfair, ain’t it?

    With those biceps and that super-hand, I don’t think I’d mess with that aerobic teacher. Real good painting – the expression is so very determined, so reminding me of an aerobics teacher I had who missed her real calling, which was more like a warden at a high-security prison.

  12. Rebecca says:

    Ok all, I posted a petite ode to Bill, (at his request!) Bill CAN be the subject of nightmares…..AAAAHHHHHHH!!!
    Luckily, Bill, you don’t have to pay for copies!

  13. wrjones says:

    Nava – I have to take classes with the stronger instructor so they can handle picking me up and carrying me to the car when I start crying over how hard the class is.

    Rebecca – you are my favorite blogger forever! I’ve been looking at my name on your title for hours. I keep looking at the name then checking my wallet to make sure it is me. My neck is starting to get a little sore, but I’m not asking that nurse to rub it.

  14. Rebecca says:

    he he ~snort!~
    Charm school made it all possible.

  15. Wonderful sketch – your posting cracked me up as always…love visiting here.

  16. gypsy-heart says:

    Never a dull moment with you Bill!

    Good rendering of an aerobic instructor.
    You captured her energy too…makes me tired just looking at her. :O

    How did I miss #2 in your leaf series..it’s lovely very delicate feel to it. Uh..does this mean the series is over? So it is to be a series of two? I’ve had more husbands than that. eh, eh

  17. wrjones says:

    Very very sorry about that thumb, Rebecca. I’ll take a collection for the cosmetic surgery.

    Cara, here is what I want you to do – take a brush and make a single stroke. Post that stroke. We must take baby steps to return you to painting.

    Gypsy-heart – I have missed you. I do have number 3. How many husbands have you had? I think that should be my goal for the leaf series.

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