Huh? What’d You Say?

By W. R. Jones

    Mother used a thimble like this to thump me on the head.  She was always specific about the reason.  She never used acronyms.  “That’s for nothing, shithooks, now do something and see what you get.”  She believed in clear communication.

    Acronyms have, of course, been around since the first caveman wrote LDM (Lost Damn Mammoth) in the snow with his pee.  Today they are everywhere; they are not always so clear.  You think the other person understands, you think everyone knows the meaning.  You must keep in mind, some of us came from a little outside of Chickencrotch, Iowa.  We have not been exposed to such hacking of the language.

    I took an exercise class with Erin.  The class looked so tough I thought I might collapse so I told her I thought she should give me prophylactic CPR before we started.   I guess she thought CPR stood for Clobber the Prick, now I don’t hear so well out of my left ear.

    I am the master of the single entendre but today I used a double for the title of this post.  It stands for not being able to understand acronyms and not being able to hear out of the ear Erin slapped.  Christ I’m clever sometimes.

    LOL – the first email I got with this I thought it meant lots of love, I sent the woman flowers.  She sent back her husband; big bastard, he was.  Now I r not so gud.

    ROFL, ROFLMAO, TTFN, etc., etc.   I got this the other day – “c u @ SBX aftr”.   It was unfortunate  that I read it without my glasses and took it to mean “see you for the sex affair”.  She sent her husband; big bastard, he was.  Now I r wrse.

    I want a pen pal who writes complete words, sentenances sentences (OK, Kev, I buckled – my OCD would not let me leave it alone – I also added the word “and” to the right of the right parenthesis.  I think it reads better now.  Thanks for the editing.) and, thoughts.  I want her to write in flowing script with a pen dipped in ink then carefully blotted.  Bring back the old days before the cell phone.  Of course, I want her to include a self addressed stamped envelope for my reply, the cost of stamps being what it is.

    Here is one for you – BMA (Bite My Ass) – wait, wait, I think I hear Erin, what’s that?  “Point out the spot, you look like all ass to me.”

This entry was posted in Humor, Painting, Still Life. Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Huh? What’d You Say?

  1. LMHO Laughing my head off. I check your blog every day to get a good knee slapping chortle.

  2. bonnieluria says:

    LMAO- yes, if only it was that easy, I’d have been reduced to a size 2 when I first started reading your blog!!!

    Your mother seemed to be right with it- KITT:
    Keep It Thimble Thupid.

  3. Nava says:

    OMG, I see Connie’s LMHO and Bonnie’s and LMAO, and raise them a ROFLMAO.

    Nice piece of personal art from Chickencrotch, Iowa. I said NICE ART. (kinda tough leaving comments when you are not hearing so well).


  4. wrjones says:

    Connie – you just keep coming by; bring some powdered donuts please.

    Bonnie – you are so good with words. You would never need acronyms.

    Nava – could you please say that again? Please speak into my right ear.

  5. kevmoore says:

    Bill, I love the way you fight back against shortened textspeak by throwing in a few extra letters …”sentenances” for example. Pure genius. Let’s bring back wordism: Remember, a plethora of abundance is a surfeit of excess. I always though a thimble was what drummerth hit…..

  6. kevmoore says:

    By the way A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. stands for Absolutely Concise Rhetoric Over New Yoof Messaging Slang.


  7. wrjones says:

    Kev – I just give up on that damn spelling business. I’m not even going to correct it.

    NE – Near Enough

  8. grfxho says:

    I work for DoDEA and have the EPB as my main COM client. I live in DC but sometimes go TDY to NYC or visit my family in KC. My son takes TKD. Today I launched a website for SLOs, LEAs, and MSBs.

    That’s just a sampling. I live in acronym hell.

  9. wrjones says:

    There you go, grfxho, using too many letters – that would be acronym HL.

  10. Lori says:

    Ahhh so thats how you raise kids! Nice painting, reminds me of my grandma’s thimble. It was always getting lost and everyone was accused of stealing it.

  11. grfxho says:

    I also code HTML, CSS, and JS. Help! I can’t stop!

  12. Well I’m impressed, Bill. Not only do you paint but you write too. Now you tell us you go to exercise class to boot (or is that to be booted?).

  13. wrjones says:

    Lori – I’m always accusing my family of stealing my paintings – they always ask why on earth would they want to? I’m guessing they must be chucking them.

    Well, GRFXHO, u may have OCD, but I LK u NEway.

    As a matter of fact, Diana, I have been banned from certain exercise classes. I’ve learned you are not supposed to say, “Shame, really, this class isn’t helping your boobs at all.”

  14. Lori says:

    “I’ve learned you are not supposed to say, “Shame, really, this class isn’t helping your boobs at all.”

    They must not know the famous exercise chant done while flinging ones arms out like you are hitting two men on either side of you who are making smart remarks.

    We must! We must! We must improve our bust!

    repeat as needed.

  15. carolking says:

    WTF? I don’t know what most of you are talking about. And would someone tell me what ”c u @ SBX aftr” means? I still can’t figure it out.

    Nice painting Bill. I didn’t know you were from Chickencrotch, Iowa. I now have a whole different view of you.

    And as far as going back to the old days of communication….don’t go too far back or you’ll be grunting and pointing to communicate, just like those cavemen at the beginning of your post.

  16. The job I do 9 to 5 to support my “oil and turp” habit has me working with disadvantaged youth from the ages of 16 to 24. As if public school isn’t a nightmare on its own now you have dropouts who didn’t even get what was being offered at their local school who are text messaging constantly (remember in school when your teacher told you that repetition would help instill recall?) So you can’t imagine how these kids write. Reading a competed application is a feat aided best by seven or eight swigs off of the bottle I keep in the bottom of my desk (just kidding…no, I’m not)We are raising youth (and retraining the rest of the world) in the fine art of illiteracy.

  17. wrjones says:

    Lori – I’m going to take that chant to the gym board of directors to see if I can’t get a reversal of my expulsion. I’m going right now to practice in front of a mirror (both arms out – we must we must…)

    Carol – I don’t know what it means either but I got it in an email. Actually I’m from just outside of Chickencrotch. I do point and grunt, but just to have the wife bring me food or the remote (what? it is on the coffee table – you don’t expect me to REACH for it?).

  18. Dianne Mize says:

    You know what started all this mess, don’t you?–the FBI did it. Think about it.

    Oh, by the way, love your thimble painting.

  19. I don’t know which one of you 2 put the comment about my pumpkins but ,Thank you, you are so right I had a hard time not putting any color on them ! but it gave me the pleasure to visit your sites and I haven’t stopped laughing.
    I though I had started having senile moments until my brain began to work again reading everything , Oh Thank God maybe I’m not completely devoid of gray cell after all.
    Thank you all for the shot of brain juice !

  20. 100swallows says:

    May I say I like your thimble? I bet you needed your glasses to paint that one.

  21. Barbara says:

    Great thimble painting. Your blog cracked me up.
    My brother and I say “HuH” when we’re taken off
    guard and mean, “How utterly Hegelian!” We rarely
    take any flack over usage, because very few people
    get the reference.


  22. wrjones says:

    Cara – I didn’t answer before as I’m totally depressed by your situation. Have you considered drinking or drugs? Another thing that might help in the classroom is if you had some gang tattoos on your neck. You could blend in and no one will suspect you are the responsible party.

    Dianne – I’m going to do a small edit for you here; no need to thank me. What you meant to write was “BYW totally LOVE that thimble painting, and all the other paintings.”

    Dominique – I’m the only one here who understands pumpkins must be painted/drawn orange.

    100swallows – Thanks, I don’t see very well anymore with or without glasses. I’m in the market for a Seeing Eye Woman (with money).

    Barbara – don’t come ’round here with those big names. I had to look him up as I didn’t get the reference either. OK, you can come and say anything you like, but please save the big words for Lisa’s posts.

  23. Lavinia says:

    I am sharpening my quill right away.

    I didn’t realise that you exercised and I must admit that it caused me a few traumatic moments, s..o I had a lay down and a brief nap and felt a lot better for it.

    Very amusing site.

    By the way my mum always used to ask “do you want a clip ’round the ear?”….How was I supposed to respond?…Oh YES PLEASE!!!!

    or another favourite: Do you want me to give you a clout? I often wondered about that one, especially as there is an old saying: N’er cast a clout ’til May is out….I mean, well, it may have been something worth hanging onto..somehow the look in her eye told me I wouldn’t have enjoyed it though.


  24. Lavinia says:

    Hey I think I posted onto the wrong site??? oh I don’t know…….

  25. Well Bill I am amused. You posses a humorous trait that is consistent. How did you develop this?
    I like your work and am glad I visited tonight.
    Michael, a fellow Cafe Crem-er!

  26. Anna Surface says:

    LOL LOL I laughed my arse off. I’ve known a few people who hate acronyms, and get a little violent about it. Speak English, please! they say. They are the group called: H. A. A. Hate Acronyms Ass’n. LOL

    Really like your thimble painting. Never been thumped by a thimble before. Do you still have indentions from thumble thumping on your head? :)

  27. wrjones says:

    Lavinia – A quill? Can’t wait for the letter. I will pry off the wax seal with the greatest of care. Of course I go to the gym. How did you imagine I got to be 6’4″? The wrong site – maybe, it is ok though, you won’t be wandering around confused alone.

    Thanks Michael.

    Thanks Anna – My head looks like an orange peel; not sure if that was caused by the thimble or not. That thumping greatly reduced my desire to learn sewing.

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