By W R Jones
ABCD fishies, LMNO fishies. My father told me this short alphabet ditty when I was a few years old. Turns out, these were apparently the only letters that stuck with me. I wish he had made up a verse for the remaining letters.
Remember those school days when you had a spelling list of 20 new words to learn each week? Now I seem to be on a program of forgetting 20 new words a week.
I must use the Word program spellcheck on each word I write. Thus it takes me a week to finish one paragraph. Often I can’t even spell close enough for Word to figure it out. Then I try to google the word. It is remarkable in its ablility to determine the actual word you want. “Did you mean – spelllikethis – you dumb shit?”
When I’m so far off that google can’t help, I substitute for the “word that can’t be spelled”. However, the thesaurus part of my brain has sustained considerable damage as well. Then I’m in trouble and start pissing away large chunks of time looking for a word/s that will work so that no one will know I’m an idiot.
Yesterday I wanted to use the word mayonnaise – I don’t remember what for. I typed manoaise into Word. I knew the spelling was wrong and was seeking help; not close enough. I tried it with 2 n’s; nope. Then I tried the various combinations of oai with a single and a double n; nothing.
Screw it, I thought, I will use “ketchup” – they won’t know the difference. By the way, ketchup can be spelled catsup as well.
Later in the day I thought to look up eggs and oil to find the word mayonnaise. Who in the hell put that ‘y’ in there and what for? Even later – oh ya, you tell them to hold the mayo not mano.
This spelling business sucks. I know how to spell that word.