Wetback

By WR Jones

    There is a winding road leading up to Taos.  I stopped along the roadside to paint this small stretch of river.   It was cold and windy.  You know you are too damn high and it is liable to be cold when you see a sign that shows a Bighorn sheep crossing.

    It was too windy for an umbrella, again.  The wind honed itself against my easel; then used the new edge to chop it down.  The painting went face first into the front of my pants while the easel continued down into the dirt/gravel mixture. 

    I, of course, kept my composure, set the easel back up and begin mixing paint again,  but the paint had picked up grit that I could feel grind under the palette knife.  Still keeping my composure I stepped back to relax and think things through.  I was wearing clogs and when I stepped back I planted my heel firmly onto a “razor wire” burr that had jumped into my clog. 

    My mind, retaining the years of training in Sunday school (after that time I stole those 3 nickels from the collection plate – and gave myself up like an idiot, instead of keeping my mouth shut like the trained criminal I was destined to become) started, on its own, to spew out phrases like; “Gosh, that hurts”, “This is certainly not going like I expected”, “I think these pants may be ruined”, “I bet I can save this painting”, “I’m not sure I’m going to like this area”, “MOTHER F………….ER!“.

    Still, I did benefit from this experience; I found out you can get jeans at Wal Mart for only $15. 

    This whole thing set me off on a shopping spree where I ordered a pair of kangaroo skin boots, some insulated bib overalls, and a jacket (what can I say, I liked the jacket).  Now, this is where things can get tricky.   Suppose my wife goes on a simultaneous shopping spree.  When the bill comes I can’t go screaming about her waste of money if my crap is on the same credit statement.  I was thinking maybe I could put my thumb over my charges and attack.  This carries considerable risk.  She might yank the statement from my hands and see what I’ve done.  This is a nighmare scenario; I’d better just eat the statement…again.

    I was surprised to find this was the Rio Grande river.  It started me thinking, why did the Mexicans swim across to get access to the US?  Couldn’t they stay on their side of the river and walk up here?  In the winter it freezes over and they could just walk across.  Then they would be known as “cold feet”.  They were probably too smart to walk up here; it is cold and there are a lot of stickery things.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Plein Air. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Wetback

  1. Could you model these $15 Wall-Mart jeans for us please?

  2. wrjones says:

    Nathalie, I would be delighted to model for YOU. I want a professional without an agenda taking the photos. Do you have very fast film so I don’t have to hold my stomach in too long. I’m getting up there in years (oh, I know, you can’t tell that from this picture) and it is hard to hold my breath for more than 20mSec. With modern software you should be able to do the glamor retouch in less than a generation. If you can wait awhile I’m planning on having that 6 pack ab enhancer implant done before Christmas. Then I won’t need to hold my breath and you can use slower film. Hell, turn the lights out.

  3. bonnieluria says:

    And you still manage to crank out paintings. And PS-be careful before you sign on to model for miss “H” up above.
    She might have some fancy snips and cuts in mind and you’ll wind up on the cover of People Magazine as the father of Brittany Spears’ sisters’ baby.
    ( But she will make you look sooooooo good, it would be worth it!)
    Lovely painting Bill.

  4. Bill! You do not need to hold your stomach in. I will give you the body of Schwarzenegger. (I don’t think he buys $15 wall-Mart jeans – but eh – with Photoshop, you bet he’ll wear them!) Just email me a picture of you and let me play…

    Of course, this could be a little dangerous depending on the mischievousness of my mood…

    Oh come on… Take a little risk!

  5. Bill Sharp says:

    I like the subtlety of this one, Bill.

  6. wrjones says:

    Bonnie, thanks. I like that sooooo good part. Do you know something about this woman you would like to share?

    Nathalie, I do like your photo work a lot. If I get time this weekend I will put on a little makeup and take some shots for you to make me look sooooo good. Just keep in mind I have a daughter I wouldn’t want to embarrass beyond reconciliation. I was even thinking of a shot in those Wal Mart jeans with my shirt off. I believe I can use my wife’s makeup to shade in some nice looking abs.

    Thanks Bill.

  7. Bill, overnight, my Bill project has now taken a new direction. If you could just send me a few high-res or medium-res photos of you, it would be lovely! No nakedness necessary. No Wall-Mart Jeans. Just you from head to toe. I promise to keep your daughter in mind.
    Thanks for liking my work!

  8. wrjones says:

    Well shoot, I guess I will get out of these Speedos, if you want normal photos.

  9. One of my favorite paintings so far! Great subtle color… Obviously you avoided large red blotches from the copious blood you must have spilled after falling on the razor wire!! Great agility, too!
    Thanks for always making me smile!

  10. wrjones says:

    Thanks, Marian. I needed a transfusion. It was very expensive so I only had enough money left for the cheaper student grade paints which perhaps explains some inferior work I cranked out on the trip. Also, to save money, I accepted a transfusion of an incompatible blood type. Can’t say as I recommend this practice as my body rejected itself; much like all those ladies over the years who have given me those 555 telephone numbers.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s