Carving The Natural Breast While Dreaming Of Sea Paintings

By WR Jones


    Ok, I’m prostituting my titles again.  Trolling for readers, I’ve optimized my bait.  Of course, once they start reading, the hook tends to slip out of the mouth and I lose them.

    kimiam is working on a bas-relief in stone.  I would like to learn sculpting, but how to find the time?  I’m in awe of those who can carve from stone. 

    I had this piece of walnut with the knots that left it useless for most projects so I made a mirror with a bit of carving.   I did this many years before I started drawing the figure.  I think I could do a better job now but who cares. 

    From childhood I did projects in wood.  This was before TV which left many long winter nights to build things.  My wood projects were much like my painting projects in that there was an order of magnitude difference between what was started and what was completed.  I remember wild enthusiasm to build a soap box derby race car.  I finished 1/4 of 1 axle before I found a simpler project much more attractive.  I made a lot of rickety stuff; you wouldn’t want to set your good china on any of these.

    In those days boys had to take shop where we learned the different woods and made things like a foot stool, shoeshine box, and weather vane.  I got a ‘B’ for my weather vane.  I wanted an ‘A’; this was my first encounter with the concept of bribery.  It didn’t go like I had read about in books.  Did you know they can drop your grade from a ‘B’ to an ‘F’ for offering the teacher a little something to tide him over?  Lesson learned there I tell you; I didn’t try bribery again until that DUI business.

    When my son was born I made an old fashioned covered rocking cradle.  Even then, for the cost of the wood alone, I could have purchased (retail) a baby grand piano.  I don’t think the blame for the failure of this project can be laid solely on my doorstep.  That little rapscallion son of mine grew up too damn fast.  By the time I finished the cradle he was 18 and refused to sleep in it.  He wouldn’t even get in it long enough for a photo.

    While working on the cradle I made use of a large industrial power saw at work.  I came very close to losing my arm/life when the board I was cutting along with my arm was pulled into the blade.  My hand rang the outside edge of the blade.  My knees buckled as I realized how close I came to disaster.  I couldn’t hide my ignorance as the wood had so jammed the saw it had to be dismantled.  For a very long while I had to endure the nickname “woodpecker” which morphed into “peckerhead”.

   This scare put me off using power tools of any sort.  Then the fear spread so I avoided all tools, and eventually widened to where I avoided work of any kind.  Thats about where it stands today.

   With modern medication for OCD and anxiety I’ve improved to the point where after only a couple of  swigs of Southern Comfort  I can use one of those electric toothbrushes.  I’m still waiting for the pill that will make me consider working.

This entry was posted in Bas Relief, Carving, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Carving The Natural Breast While Dreaming Of Sea Paintings

  1. kay crain says:

    Thanks WR! I just blew away a perfectly good half hour of painting time following the link from my blog and laughing over your blog posts!!!!! Thanks a lot! ;)
    Oh, and thanks for the nice comment, as well!

    In my day, girls had to take wood shop too. I have a twin brother so it was an instant competition to see which wooden Key Shaped Key holder mom would actually hang up.That was 1962 so I truly don’t remember now…knowing my mom, she probably hung both of them.

  2. wrjones says:

    Well, you young wippersnapper, did your brother have to take home economics as well?

    If you ever find those key holders think what a nice painting they would make.

  3. kay crain says:

    Yep, the boys had to take home ec…….The first thing we ‘cooked’ was hot chocolate and cinnamon toast. They didn’t have to do the sewing part though.

  4. 100swallows says:

    That was quite an ambitious carving, Bill, and really well done. I’m surprised you didn’t go into cuckoo clocks later. Of course you’d have had a nude lady pop out (and perhaps sigh?) every hour instead of a bird.

  5. wrjones says:

    Wow, Kay, what an advanced class. You must have had a town full of good cooks.

    Swallows, I like the idea of functional art. I think I will go with the simple and do uni-breasted nude sundials.

  6. ivdanu says:

    Funny, very funny! You know, Bill, we ex-communists had a saying about work: we said that we do not fear work…because we know how to avoid it… Seems it’s not exclusively a commie thing…

  7. wrjones says:

    No, ivdanu, it is not exclusive. Just keep a rag in your hands as if you are about to do something.

  8. My eyes went straight to the truck mud flap naked lady. I knew you were going to post some more! Thanks, and good luck with the e tooth brush. I don’t use them, because they tickle my gums. I prefer a Dremel tool.

  9. wrjones says:

    Dremel is good for those cases the entire pork chop gets lodged in there.

    I was on the ground behind an 18 wheeler mud flap using it for a model when he backed up. Apparently not all trucks have a backup warning bell. Now my glasses are broke and I have a road kill looking head.

  10. kimiam says:

    lol, bill! I love your stories. The nude on your carving is quite nice.

  11. wrjones says:

    Thanks, Kimiam.

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