Solitude

By W.R. Jones

 

   Driving on a winding mountain road I pulled over to let a truck pass.   All those curves were making me dizzy so I decided to stay there and force myself to paint something.  After setting up the easel, laying out paint, doing my pre-painting meditation, and initial layin, I noticed that because of the extreme curves in the road, from behind my van, I was out of sight of anyone driving by from either direction.  I hadn’t seen a building for several miles; my own little Walden Woods.

    Alone;  good, I had to pee like a racehorse.  A cup of coffee and two cans of Pepsi were backed up in the plumbing.  I started to relieve myself with a rather beautiful stream.  This may seem a strange comment to you younger folks, but at my age with a prostate like a cantaloupe, a good stream is a sight to behold.  I canted my head to one side to see if I could spot a rainbow in there.

    “Hellooo…. good morning!”,  two female heads pop up over the edge of the drop off at the tree line.  What the hell, I spun around to cover myself; peeing on my backpack, pant leg and shoes in the move.  There is no spigot to shut this thing off on a dime as they say. 

    These two oblivious hikers kept coming, where is the backwoods etiquette?  “Hey, what are you painting?”  “Oh… nothing”, I reply.   Oh, nothing?  Where did that idiotic answer come from?   I couldn’t say trees, sky, rocks, grass, woods, my dick, anything but nothing?  I’ll tell you where that lame reply came from; long hours and countless repetitions of futile attempts to coverup things I shouldn’t be doing. 

    Mom, “What are you boys doing down there?”  “Oh, nothing.”   This was the go to answer while making blow guns, playing with fire, designing spring clothespin dart shooters, cutting apart shot shells to make a bomb, looking at the girlie magazines, smoking, etc.  In short, the answer for just about everything we did as children.

    What am I doing now?  Oh…nothing.

 

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This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Plein Air. Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Solitude

  1. betme says:

    We know the ambiguous answer always means, “oh, Something.” I love the soft hues and can envision myself squatting behind one of the trees.

  2. Dar says:

    it’s a beautiful painting,
    …of trees, sky, rocks, grass, woods…
    something’s missing.

  3. Anna Surface says:

    LOL LOL LOL

    Oh gosh, I’m going to laugh all day thinking of this ‘Oh…nothing.’

    Native Americans, long ago, used pee to bleach hides.

    LOL

    Lovely Solitude painting…. quiet and soft and meditative.

  4. I hear that answer all the time from my kids and I know it means something more than nothing!

    Say, I just added your link on my blog and wanted to send you an email but don’t find any contact info here anywhere. If you want to email me, my contact info is on my website or blog.

    Blessings, Diana

  5. wrjones says:

    Betme – Thanks, the image is a little different than the actual painting. I’m not sure what happened. Was that you in camos? I thought you were a little bush. How did you like that stream? A beauty, huh? Did you happen to see a rainbow?

    Dar – Thank you, I ran out of canvas.

    Anna – Thank you, glad you enjoyed it. We have all used the oh .. nothing bit I suppose. I’m reading a book about Civil War re-enactors. The hard core sometimes soak their uniform buttons in a bowl of urine to give them an authentic look. On taking a wiff, one wife remarked, “you’ve been peeing on your buttons again.”

    Diana, Thanks for adding us to your blog, we did the same for you which given our wide readership should increase traffic to your site by 1 or 2 a quarter. Better hoard your blessings, you’ll run out trying to save me.

  6. Dianne Mize says:

    At least your pants weren’t down. You fellows have it made when you’re trying to sneak a pee in a quiet place. Oh, and I like the painting. Good ground shadows.

  7. wrjones says:

    Dianne – I mostly sit at home. After a few beatings for the odd tinkle that strayed outside the rim I feel safer sitting down. So now I know why the women scream when the lid is left up. I carried this practice to the outdoors until I sat on that damn cactus. Now the mere thought of peeing leaves me trembling. I’m giving up all fluids.

  8. bonnieluria says:

    Nice mauves and golds- It’s hard to say if the paintings are better than the funny stuff or the other way around.

    You’re just good at it all.

    PS- Thanks for slipping my moniker into your blogroll.

  9. lbtowers says:

    Bill that is TMI (too much information).

  10. wrjones says:

    Thanks, Bonnie.

    Lisa, I expect you are right. From now on I won’t tell anyone I paint.

  11. 100swallows says:

    A nice painting, Bill. And I thought that was a fine, well-written story.

  12. wrjones says:

    Thanks swallows, I appreciate the compliment from a great story teller like you.

  13. 01varvara says:

    Bill!

    You forgot spud guns and lighting… AHEM!… farts. You sound like the sort to have had EXTENSIVE experience with both. Was anything singed, Bill…?

    Vara

  14. Susan says:

    There’s a lot of yellow in this lovely painting Bill – uh, I was just wondering. . .

  15. ivdanu says:

    Great little sketch (I mean the post) and nice, subtle painting Bill! Definetely, you are as good a writer (in the Saki ironic style of your own…if that could make sense to you…) as you are good as a painter. I love those very refined nuances in your apparently simple landscape…

    As for the canteloupe and stuff, I know what you mean and that’s one of the reasons I prefer painting indoors, after photos I took (quickly)… the right place is only 5 feet away, no hitchhikers…

  16. zeladoniac says:

    Nothing like a little forest art-making to really get the plumbing going. Just watch out for poison ivy!

    Lovely painting!

  17. zeynepankara says:

    I like your painting.

  18. wrjones says:

    Susan, yep.

    Thanks, ivdanu.

    Zeladoniac, you don’t suppose that is where I picked up this rash?

    Thank you, Zeynep. I like your little dog and the motorcycles.

  19. Wow!! You mean that if one is outdoors emitting a good steady pee stream at just the right angle to the sun, one can actually see a rainbow? Awesome man! Plein air pissing at its most artistic best! Dick, pee, and rainbow painted on stretched canvas (or maybe a watercolor, Yea, watercolor would be more appropriate)…I’m going to enter my watercolor into the art exhibit at the State Fair this year. Thanks WRJ!!!

  20. One more comment and ha ha!…you have no control on my number of comments! Anyway, this is a great story and you tied it up at the end so well that I’m about to cry. I’ll never be able to write as well as you two, but I do cook a mean kung pao chicken!

  21. wrjones says:

    David, good luck with that State Fair entry. Myself, I think it is a sure winner. On the cooking, you must move away from Chinese and do the Thai stuff; much more flavor.

  22. zeynepankara says:

    Thanks for stopping by. I screamed on forum lately that was why I am having comments rarely. Have a nice day, cheers, Zeynep xx

  23. Dar says:

    Bill has been on a strict diet of mango leaves. He pees Indian Yellow.

    It’s pumpkins seeds, boys, Pumpkins Seeds for prostate health. Those mango leaves will kill ya.

  24. wrjones says:

    Thanks, Dr. Dar. If I have to eat pumpkin seeds I think I will just let the ole prostate puff up.

  25. Really funny stuff Bill. Good thing you were not in the number two position eh?
    I am enjoying catching up on all of the good writing over here. Oh, and art.

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