Gone Fishin

By W R Jones

    I was parked along the mountain road with a good start (not good in quality, good in the sense; no ant bites, no wind, not cold, didn’t have paint all over myself, didn’t have to go to the bathroom, wasn’t hungry, etc) when a carload of rough looking Hispanic teenage boys pulled up blocking my van from any movement.

    I felt very uneasy and was thinking about moving toward the van where I had a pistol.  What kept me rooted near the painting was the memory of the last time my paranoia got hold of me and I unloaded on that busload of preschoolers.   My attorney said I was extremely fortunate, that is exactly how he put it, “extremely fortunate”, those lawyers talk real smooth, that I was using a cap pistol at the time.  I’m off those wild mushrooms now.  Lesson learned there, don’t eat something just because you kicked it loose with your boot and don’t want to see it go to waste.  I was only locked up long enough to get me a new jail Tat.  Not a real one, that would hurt.  I got one of those band-aids with animals (for my ant bites).  I told the fellas it was a tattoo.

    I had a friend who always carried a concealed handgun wherever he went.  When I asked him if he wasn’t concerned about being picked up with an illegal weapon he replied, “Better to be caught with it than without it.”  This lose – lose type of scenario is where the term horns of a dilemma  springs from.

    Anyway, my worries were unfounded.  One of the teenagers came over asking if it would bother my painting if they fished in the area.  At that, I took a breath for the first time in a few minutes and let out a very squeaky, “no no no no no no bother at all”.

    Later another of the boys came by with some information, “you know, there are a lot of good painters in this area.”  Yes, I say, I know.  He looked at my painting and muttered, “not all of em, I guess”.  “Say, what’s that you are painting?”, he asks.  “Is that suppose to be an old Buick?  Pretty good, pretty good.”   I hope that asshole never catches a fish.

LISA – is this short enough for you?  Made it all the way down to here?  Didn’t fall asleep?

(Lisa says I’m too long winded and that, coupled with being boring, is killing the blog.  She is keeping me on out of charity.)

 

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This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Plein Air. Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to Gone Fishin

  1. Don’t listen to Lisa (or those Hispanic youths) … and stick with the “real” plein air paintings. This is where your talent really shows!

    Nice work!

  2. ratedxtin says:

    you’re just such a raconteur ;-) and your paintings are lovely.

  3. Dianne Mize says:

    I might turn on you and borrow this design myself. Good, cold-feeling water! Good fishing tale, too.

  4. wrjones says:

    Thanks Janet, One of my few remaining joys is ignoring Lisa.

    Damn, xtin, I thought raconteur meant tall handsome man. I should not have looked it up. So, I a whiffledust blower?

    Help yourself Dianne. I’m going to be in your flower bed like a lanky gopher

  5. 100swallows says:

    That’s a really nice painting, Bill. Great water rendering but scary rapids. You wouldn’t want to lose your paintbrush in those waters. What were those Hispanics trying to catch there: dragons?

  6. wrjones says:

    Thanks swallows. I’m over the fear of losing my brush. Susan made me a watercolor brush that loves a swim.

  7. Tell the “HO” to bug out of your affairs…you spin a fine yarn…and…the plein air looks good…love that cold stream!

  8. P.S. The “HO” spins a fine yarn as well!

  9. lbtowers says:

    Yeah, what are you talking about Bill? My last post was just as long as yours.

  10. wrjones says:

    Well boys and girls, word of the day – hypocrite. Boys and girls, I’ve lost my train of thought. What was I talking about?
    .

  11. Susie says:

    I don’t believe a word either of you say…..but am always greatly entertained. Bill, I think this is one of your best yet……

  12. lbtowers says:

    I didn’t say your POST was too long. I said your NOSE was too long.

  13. Okay, off subject here! Why did you two switch themes? I thought I had the wrong blog!

  14. ratedxtin says:

    haha. so what if you’re brimming with so many wondrous tales?

  15. lbtowers says:

    Yeah Bill, listen to Janet, stick to the subject and stop spinning yarns about me.

  16. wrjones says:

    Susie, I can understand being a little cautious when listening to Lisa, but me? Thanks for the compliment.

    Janet, here is the whole story. I say, “Lisa, we probably shouldn’t mess with our theme. What if something goes wrong?” She says, “Hold your nose, Bill, nothing will go wrong; I’ve got this under control.”

    Christine, I looked at photo of you on your blog and must say I’m disappointed at your slender figure. I thought you were a food expert/good cook.

    Lisa dear, I will never again tell a story about you. Further more, I promise to stop spraying your phone number on the overpasses with the words “Call this number if you are looking to have your wedding painted.”

  17. betme says:

    Wow, today is going to be a very good day for me. I can feel it in the air. Finding a talented artist and a fabulous writer all rolled into one.. Yes, a very good day indeed.

    ;) Thanks for leading me over to your blog.

  18. wrjones says:

    betme, with an avatar like yours, this is a good place for you to hang out. Thanks for the compliment.

  19. grfxho says:

    More importantly, her name implies she’s willing to take a risk. And we all know how risky being associated with you two can be…

  20. bonnieluria says:

    Two Two Two blogs in one. It’s a darkly, twisted, humorous one, no, it’s a skillful, creative, artistic one.
    Always a treat.

  21. wrjones says:

    I hadn’t thought of it like that grfxho. I’ve always admired a woman willing to run wild in the streets or blogs.

    I tried to slog my way through that religious tome you posted today but couldn’t get to the end to leave yet another smart ass comment. Bet you missed that, huh? Ever since I took that heavy punishment for helping myself to those 3 nickels from the Sunday school collection plate I’ve been off anything remotely connected to religion. I thought I was punished rather more harshly than even God would require. I really needed those nickels to get that miniature football I coveted. I learned that word “coveted” from the bible. At 5 I wasn’t yet aware I could not account for having pocket money and proudly showed my parents what I was going to use to get that football. That was the last time I showed them anything.

    Bonnie, good to see you again. Can I see the top of your foot?

  22. grfxho says:

    I wrote all of 200 words about the trauma of finding out a religious icon was a misogynist and you can’t get beyond your childhood trauma to comfort me in my time of need?

    (does guilt still work on you?)

  23. No, no, no Lisa! Look at all the comments Bill got for that long-winded made up story. It took me 5 minutes to scroll down to the bottom where I could leave this comment! Good going Bill.

  24. wrjones says:

    grfxho – I have been up all night on my knees praying for your forgiveness. Now my knees are all red, but I think I can cover it with my wife’s makeup.

    Susan – what do you mean made up? You are not suggesting I, The Right Reverend Shifty, would fabricate events?

  25. 01varvara says:

    Bill!

    Your post inspired me to look in my files under “Bogdanov-Belsky”. Yep… there were some kids fishin’. I put “Catching Trout” up on “Art”, and you should take a look. Are kids like those OK? Or, is it “Bah, humbug!” to the lot of ’em?

    I just put up a photo essay on my other site. It is 18 art photographs I pulled off a Russian Orthodox website for art photographers. I call it “The Faces of Holy Russia”. I think that even a hardened old curmudgeon village atheist such as yourself can appreciate its value as art.

    http://02varvara.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/the-faces-of-holy-russia/

    It is part of a triptych I call “The Faces of Holiness”. Lisa… you can look too! I would appreciate your comments on two photos in particular… “Grandma’s Prayer” and “Perhaps, That’s the Way to be” (I heard those growls about feminine slushiness, Bill. I never get angry… I get EVEN).

    Bill, one of the photos is by a painter I have posted on “Art” before. It is by Pavel Bezrukov, and is called “You Must be as a Child”. I find it “painterly”… do you agree?

  26. bonnieluria says:

    Bill- the top of the foot looks like the bottom, but with nails. And sometimes color ones.

  27. wrjones says:

    Oh, ya. I think I know what it looks like. We went over that briefly in med school. Our cadaver lost both feet and her nose in a wood chipper so I’m a little vague on those parts. Lesson learned here – if you plan to use your husband for garden fertilizer, don’t try to force feed him through the chipper with your feet then stick your nose down there to see what happened to your feet.

  28. bonnieluria says:

    Just want to tell you two funny people that I’ve left you ” A You Make My Day Award ” on my blog.
    You both more than qualify.

    And PS- I stay away from Chippers due to my theory of Outside begins with OW!

  29. gypsy-heart says:

    I do think this is one of my favorites of yours.

    I hesitate to comment here for I am just not funny enough. I don’t even know a good joke to leave.

    Maybe I have been a hermit painter too long..eh? Nah..I like my hermit life.

  30. wrjones says:

    Bonnie, that foot looks like it is on the beach to me or your walls are painted funny. The the OW pertains to outside work? I’m with you there. Thank you very much for the award. We are going to hang it on our blog wall over the fireplace.

    Thanks, Gypsy. I think many people prefer high contast images. I’m more drawn to softer value transistions and like painting on cloudy days, but not PARTLY cloudy. Humor is fun but getting a sincere critque/comment is very much appreciated and we thank you for stopping by and saying hello.

  31. Nice painting Bill. What’s up with the fear of Mexicans? Or did they have head bands with a cap over them and shirts with only the top button buttoned?

    I for one like the long blog posts, but it keeps me from working. Maybe I have the same disease you do.

  32. Oh, and please turn my smile on my little icon photo back up the way it should be.

  33. wrjones says:

    Frank, I don’t have a fear of Hispanics per se, I’m married to a woman from El Salvador. Four teenage males that pull up to within inches of your car, blocking your exit, when you are far from town and they have plenty of other places to park is unsettling whatever their ethnic origin. I’ve had them scream obscenities and throw beer bottles at me in the past.

  34. I was not really too serious about that question. I have had similar things like that happen here and it was time to go. Being blocked in would make me nervous.

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