Bitch

by Lisa

 

I was recently visiting a friend of mine who is new to the wonderful world of dating. She told me a story about a man who recently decided to try his hand at courting her. He apparently enjoys collecting art and invited her over to see his er–pad. As she went from room to room noticing the artwork on the walls, she finally arrived at the den. There, over the couch, was a gigantic painting with nothing on it but the word BITCH. In case you missed it, I have recreated the large word for your perusal above. Perhaps it smacked you in the face when you opened our site just now. Perhaps it gives you some idea of the lasting impression it left on her tender eyes so new to the wonderful world of dating hanging over this bachelor’s couch where he probably expected her to sit and chat with cozy tidings.

Upon first seeing this word, one must first question whether it is intended as a verb or a noun. Considering, in this case, it is a behemoth piece of artwork in a bachelor’s pad and that that bachelor apparently went through an ugly divorce, I feel confident that we can rule out verb as he most likely would not subject himself to flashbacks of an action that surely occurred with painful regularity. This leaves noun. Of the two possibilities, once again I have confidence– we can rule out mother dog.

Now I ask you, what would a man be thinking who would purchase such a piece of (we’ll call it – for the sake of argument) art? We can surmise that he thoroughly enjoys sitting beneath his grand tribute to his sentiments every night as he watches Girls Gone Wild. But did he give a moment’s thought to a woman walking into his lair and witnessing his passion to express himself so vividly? Obviously not, for the second thought would have been about how quickly she would exit. Which she did. And much to his chagrin I might add. I imagine him commissioning an even larger version of this piece right about now.

This all leads us to the philosophical question – what constitutes art? To bitch, or not to bitch? Or is that to BE bitch or not to BE bitch?

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This entry was posted in Humor, Painting, Rants, Tips. Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Bitch

  1. Here’s an excellent commentary on that very question:

  2. wrjones says:

    Diana, I love that video. Thanks!

  3. kimiam says:

    Are you trying to tell me something?

  4. Rick Nilson says:

    What is going on here exactly? Are you bitching about the painting. If the guy had diamonds in his grillwork its probably fashion and not really art. Did you ask him if you could use BITCH like that right across the top?

  5. bonnieluria says:

    So what we glean here is that while defining art is impossible gaaaddszooks- how do you define DATING!
    Poor girl. Glad she ran.
    Loved this post AND the video!

  6. Oh my!! Diana whoever you are! That video was hilarious!!
    Lisa I think your friend was wise to RUN!! but I’ve got to say that the blog and the comments were well worth the experience… At least to us readers!

  7. lbtowers says:

    Diana thanks for turning us on to that video. I have watched it over and over!!!

  8. Wow, buying art is supposed to be an investment… I guess this way he can screen for that pesky self-respect stuff that ruins so many relationships!

  9. organicsyes says:

    yikes…it would be interesting to hear the thoughts from the woman on the date…did she ask him about it? She seemed interested in the rest of his art collection…why not this?

    Wondering….
    love the video ubove from diana.

  10. RJ says:

    Is bitch like the word of the week or something?

  11. inmate1972 says:

    Personally, I would have stuck the evening out, returned the invite, and had the dumbass run headlong into a piece above my couch entitled: “Dick Head”.

    Seriously, what could that guy have been thinking?

  12. It may have been art, but the impact of it is much greater than its ability deliver a complicated commentary. I guess you could say that the word, “BITCH” in all caps lacks nuance.

  13. Plus, it’s a damned bonehead thing to put up on your wall. It shouts out that you are stuck in a certain viewpoint and development. It says, “I’m not only a whiner, I’m a bit of a wiener.” It states to all who care to read: “I haven’t developed the compassion or empathy I need to move on in my personal relationships. I prefer to wallow in my juvenile belief that when a relationship goes sour, it’s someone else’s fault.” That’s from me, post-divorce by about two years.

  14. lbtowers says:

    Good one inmate1972. That one really made me laugh!!!

    rationalpsychic, what is a rationalpsychic? Is that like, the latest thing in psychics? Or are you trying to blow my mind with a contradiction in terms?

  15. wrjones says:

    DICKHEAD – I just happen to have that particular painting. I can also customize for you if you want to match the color of your carpet or the shithead you are dating.

  16. AB says:

    The ‘core’ of meaning left within the saying offers a discourse of meanings; the text reverberates into many origins, centers peripheries and invokes a the following—a sacred gleam, a silly smile, an obvious look, a sacrilege in merriment, silent meditation, vulnerable saturation and innocence in gratification. It still does not answer “what” but leaves to the play of meaning.

  17. alasaurus says:

    This is pretty much what I think, but I am quoting Edith Wharton because her opinion carries more weight:
    “Another unsettling element in modern art is that common symptom of immaturity, the dread of doing what has been done before.”

  18. Be-atch says:

    I am the woman of the bitch date. Lisa did a great job of describing the date except the BITCH painting was on the wall facing the couch (above the plasma TV) so it was pretty much in our faces as we made first-date chit chat. Yes, I asked about it. He said, and I quote, “It is an artistic piece of painterly craft.” My response, I think, was hmm. I stuck around for about 20 minutes because (a) he had just given me a book I really liked and wanted to keep, and 20 minutes seemed long enough to get to keep it, and (b) he was driving and I couldn’t afford to piss him off since I was 50 miles from home and my car was at the hotel. I, too, thought of the Dick Head idea except my painting was going to say SON-OF-A-BITCH: THE SEQUEL. When I got back to the hotel I decided I did not want to know any more about this man or his painting so I checked out and drove the 50 miles home and had to call him the next morning to tell him not to pick me up in an hour because I wasn’t there. That was a dicey moment. He said, and again I quote, “I thought we had a good time. Is it because I am still married? Who told you?”

  19. wrjones says:

    Be-atch, great story. Did you keep the book? Be sure to tell us about your next date please.

    Alasaurs – good quote. I feel vindicated in my struggle to do what has been done before, via direct copying.

    AB – you hit the submit key twice and both times wiffledust came out. Get those meds adjusted before you overdose.

  20. chirousimaki says:

    um…i’d say not to be bitch in real life but to be a bitch towards the guy

  21. Susan says:

    Well, I am a graphic designer and in my business, that would be called a sign.
    Like “Exit”, I believe that sign means “exit”. I believe that would be labeled a “subliminal message” type sign. I think he ment that Art painted it.

  22. wrjones says:

    As a professional graphic designer, I would expect you to do better than that blue face. Let’s get those eyebrows plucked before the prom.

  23. Be-atch says:

    Yes, I kept the book. It is a book everyone over 25, no 30, no 50, no 16, should look through at least 4 times…slowly. It is called ‘The Brown Sisters: Thirty-three Years’ by Nicholas Nixon. It is, to borrow a phrase, ‘an artistic piece of photographerly craft.’

    A question of all you artists (seriously): The BITCH-Man said his painting of BITCH was ‘an artistic piece of painterly craft.’ In another lifetime I was an English teacher and I never once came across the word ‘painter’ used as an adverb. Is this a well-known word in your artistly circle?

  24. lbtowers says:

    I agree, this is a great little book.

    And yes, we often say “painterly”. But it would certainly be hard to apply it to FONT like your friend the woman-repeller did.

    BTW Be-atch, I got paranoid when I saw your comment just now, and went through my current post. I found that little typo right at the end. Whew. You scare me.

  25. Dar says:

    grammar can be a bitch. I think ‘painterly’ sounds like a Pee Wee Herman modifier. Like, if Bill could smell me right now, he might say, “Mmm, painty fresh.”

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