Oh, What We Go Through

by Lisa

    This is a flower painting of mine, that is as I recall, or I may have bought it at a garage sale (depending on what my lawyer wants me to say).  The flowers all came from a nearby park. I didn’t think the rangers would mind terribly if I snipped a few.   I’ve always found wild flowers appreciate being trimmed.

    Of course, to be safe, I had a back up plan.  I left my stock car running (actually I always leave it running – it spews so much smog it keeps the back yard mosquitoes in check), and had a loaded 9mm in case things got ugly. 

    I don’t think the rangers saw me dashing off with my bundle of cosmos (they were busy removing the salt lick I placed for the deer – the season is coming up soon and with gas being what it is I figured I would just hunt in the local state park), but I sped away narrowly missing some pedestrians who were only two steps into the crosswalk.  I’ve always found people walking with those white canes are slow to get across the street.   I knew I could beat them, and hey, what’s more important their feelings that I had been a bit rude, or the masterpiece that I was surely going to paint.

    I was able to discard my camo clothes by chucking them out the window.   There were some street cleaners nearby that probably needed them anyway.   Did you ever drive naked on hot leather seats?  Don’t!

    I was so busy shifting from cheek to cheek to keep from getting 3rd degree burns that I almost missed some plums on my neighbor’s tree.    Overhanging the sidewalk, they looked like fair game, er fruit to me.  They’d look great in my still life.  The owners of that tree couldn’t possibly eat all of them. I helped myself.   That damn yappy dog of theirs (the one that consistently refuses the poisoned hamburger I toss over the fence)  barked at me, but not for long after I sprayed him in the face with the ammonia bottle I keep for just such occasions.  That dog is so bothersome.

   Once I finished this painting, I knew I’d go down in the annals of painting history as one of the finest flower painters of all time and that it would be worth every bit of hassle I went through.

   Oh, and let’s not tell Bill – I painted this from a photo.   Nah, that’s a lie, I just like to torment him.  He won’t eat my hamburger either.

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This entry was posted in Humor, Painting, Still Life. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Oh, What We Go Through

  1. You went to all that effort and put your subjects on a stinkin piece of corigated (how doya spell this damn word, and howcum there aint no spell checker onya comments section!!!) white cardboard! If it aint cardboard, it sure looks like it!
    Hey, check out my latest post…I talk about the both ofya…in the most of glowing of terms…exceptin for the weird painting stuff you post.

  2. wrjones says:

    Damn, that does look like cardboard – good eye David.
    I expect it was supposed to be lace but it is hard to paint with one eye over the shoulder looking for the cops.

    I’ve told her more than once the smell of linseed oil and turps will NOT mask the meth begin cooked.

  3. 100swallows says:

    A very pretty painting, Lisa.

  4. Lovely painting Lisa, esp. considering all the trouble you went to… not to mention risking arrest.

    Risking Arrest would be a good name for a rock band.

  5. It’s also a good tongue twister. Say that 5 times real fast.

  6. lbtowers says:

    The cardboard came from a u-haul truck I ransacked when it was parked momentarily in front of a Goodwill Store to donate items. I figured I had to stick with the found items theme.

    risking arrest, rithking arrest, rithking arrestht

  7. wrjones says:

    Even though you tried to poison me with doped hamburger, I like this painting, cheap cardboard and all.

  8. I love it, the painting is beautiful.

  9. Okay… so this comment isn’t funny, but I have been admiring this painting which is on the wall at CAI since they moved it out into the hall. It is really gorgeous. I know you make fun of yourself, but you sure as hell can paint!!!!
    Be well! Make nice with your buddy. He deserves better than tainted hamburger… Or… maybe Bill isn’t your neighbor? ?????

  10. Madame Monet says:

    I really like this painting, Bill. To me, it has colors that I like, and s full of vibrancy.

    Madame Monet
    Writing, Painting, Music, and Wine
    winewriter.wordpress.com

  11. wrjones says:

    Madame Monet – This is Lisa’s work so let’s just tone down the praise. It is ok to like it, but do so quietly please. Actually, the more I look at it the better I like it as well.

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