By W. R. Jones
I’m going painting for the next two weeks. As a clairvoyant, I think this could be a painting of my trip. It is a view from a park and ride in Camarillo looking back toward Thousand Oaks. As soon as the painting was finished I wished I had rotated right about 40 degrees for a better scene including a mountain.
I couldn’t get this field worker to move to the right so I could paint the motif I preferred. The only Spanish I know being, (where is the bathroom – sometimes my accent throws them off even with this question – my backup Spanglish version “is it ok if I pee here?”) wasn’t applicable in this case. Oh, and I suggest you be careful where you use my Spanglish phrase; it is not good in most restaurants. After a couple of beatings I was able to absorb this lesson.
I was so pissed off by my inability to communicate with this woman, I screamed “La Migra”, and damned if she didn’t freeze. This is a valuable piece of information for future field studies. She stayed like this ’til I yelled out my window as I drove off, “ALL CLEAR”. I think she was trying to look like a turnip.
The logical reason to think this might represent my upcoming “party time” trip is that I have been doing my checkbook balancing for the last few weeks. I’ve managed to go from minus $14,000 down to minus $500. I didn’t actually take in any more money I just decided to leave out some of those bigger checks I’ve written. After repeated attempts to get a positive outcome I could clearly see they were being obstructive.
But then I’m thinking that minus $500 doesn’t look all that promising for an upscale vacation anyway. This spot is about as far as I will get with the gas I can afford, and it looks like I may be sleeping here as well. I could end up in the field picking for a little something to eat. I’m going to practice shouting “La Migra” and see how long I can hold my position.
I’m hoping my neighbor will leave his car out in the driveway before I leave. That should get me enough gas to get past this location. I should be safe as he is so busy watching his flowers in the back yard.
By the way I sold this painting to Hillary Clinton for $3000. Ok, that is a lie. I thought if I sold something to a famous person my work would be more desirable.
I’m off to paint the wild west, native Americans, flowers, cactus, and maybe a few bars. This will be followed by a lecture tour coming to your area. Advance tickets can be purchased by emailing me $5 cash.
Once this lecture series about my fabulous landscapes begins I expect the value of these pieces to skyrocket. For this reason I want to give you, my faithful readers, the opportunity to preorder these works of great beauty. To get in on this onetime (unless it actually works) chance at owning a genuine BJ, email another $5 cash. For those of you who can’t balance a checkbook with my skill, that is $15 total for the lecture and the little square of canvas.