By W.R. Jones
Lisa is whining again. I SO put her out by asking for a photo. A Herculean task to be sure. Let us see, that would require selecting the file, another click to attach it to an email, and yet a third click to send it. OK, I can see why she would balk. That would tucker out her tennis playing arm and leave her team vulnerable to defeat.
HERE IS THE REST OF THE STORY –
She told me about this fantastic painting trip with hills aglow with blooming poppies. Orange as far as the eye could see and she had found this wonderful complete set of bones which looked, to her trained eye, to be tyrannosaurus rex remains.
With my secret desire to be an old lady flower painter I headed off into the desert looking for these floral vistas. Here is what Lisa directed me to. ONE damn poppy, and the little orphan wasn’t even in the right place for my painting. I had to dig him up and move him.
After she mentioned bones, it occurred to me they might work in my piece. Once locked on to this concept I couldn’t let it go even after that lazy woman’s refusal to help me. I had to go back to the desert, shoot Peter Cottontail, skin him, then set for months waiting for the bones to bleach. I lost over two months wages while I sat in the desert over these bones. For that reason I’m raising my price on this piece only to $12. Once again I will cover the cost of framing, shipping, insurance, and a piece of Lime pie that I will include as a good will gesture to you, the first person to ever buy one of my paintings.
And thanks a lot, Lisa, for showing me those bones you found. Now you’ve put me off plein air painting entirely. I’m not going if they have creatures like this out there, and something even bigger may have killed this one.
I’m going to create a plein air enviornment in the safety of my home. I will add a sunlamp then connect an umbrella to my easel to block it. Then another sunlamp to shine directly on the palette to simulate the umbrella not working worth a damn. I have a atmosphere program which lets you select from 50 birds and 30 insect sounds. It also has cows, dogs, horses, church bells, etc. I will play that. Depending on the insects I select I may have to put on some insect repellant. I will put some books and a pail of water under one foot to simulate standing in a stream for that perfect view. Finally, I will tape a National Geographic outdoor photo to the easel. That’s the scene I’m painting.
There’s no worries about copyright here. My copies are so poor there is no way anyone will recognize a connection, and even if they did, no jury is going to convict me. They would jump up in unison and say, “Let the poor old devil go. Just look at his work; he has suffered enough.”