by Lisa     

       A few weeks ago, I risked life and limb to go landscape painting in the desert. And if you recall, I came across the skeletal remains of some unidentified animal. I shlepped the nasty thing home, found a black widow spider the size of a golf ball in it,  cleaned the skull with bleach and left it to whiten up in the sun. This, all for the sake of an interesting vanitas still life painting.

       When I boasted to Bill of my archaeological find, he immediately wanted to get in on the action, and asked if I could send him pictures of it so that he too could paint it. When I did not immediately comply because I simply got busy and forgot, I began getting sniveling whining emails from Bill. He implied we may not be friends much longer. He reminded me that he had once loaned me his turp to wash my brush in (though he complained I splashed his painting with all the sloshing I did). And lately, I have been getting these weird phone calls from some illegible mumbler with heavy breathing. Each time I say, “Bill is that you?”, and he just hangs up.

       Okay, so here is the damn picture Bill. I don’t want to hear another word about it. Next time you want a skeleton go brave the desert yourself. PS – I have caller I.D.

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4 Responses to Numskull

  1. wrjones says:

    Man, I had forgotten about you ruining my painting. Never one to carry a grudge (they are heavy and I’m lazy) both the acrimonious feelings and the memory of the incident must have leaked away like the air from those tires of yours I slashed. How was that walk home from Palm Desert?

    Sorry about all the phone calls. I inadvertantly mixed your number and the 900 number I have for Trixie and Bubbles in my speed dial directory. I wasn’t mumbling, I was asking “Hey baby, what you wearin?”. They reply, “Unionalls and a John Deere ball cap; your favorite.” They like me alot. They are always asking me to call anytime I want. We talk for hours. Sometimes I think they have fallen asleep as I could swear I can hear them snoring. It makes me feel good that they let me talk them to sleep. My phone bills do get quite large. It is getting harder to borrow on the house to cover the bill. Soon I will have to call from my van. I asked them if it wouldn’t be cheaper for me to write, but they insisted they LOVED hearing my voice.

  2. kevmoore says:

    Your pointed reference to “cleaning the skull with bleach” reminded me of an awkward childhood moment when i brought home a bird skull i had discovered. i gave it a bit of a rinse under the tap. looked clean to me. a day or two later (it was summer) my bedroom had taken on the aroma of a week-old corpse. My interest in natural history was deemed officially to be at an end.

  3. cordieb says:

    OMG, you two are too funny! I’ve read the last three posts, not really understanding very much, but figuring I’d get more understanding if I read the post before, and the post before . . . Then I am anticipating seeing the picture of the, perhaps, dinosour bones, and this is what I get. I burst out laughing with actual tears running down my eyes. Not sure I understand the whole story . . . but the way you two communicate with each other and that metalic looking dinasour photo was priceless! I needed the laugh – if laughter rids us of all those body aging chems, then I’ve reduced my age by at least 20 years. Thanks for sharing!

    Peace, Light and Love,

  4. lbtowers says:


    Cordie, thanks for stopping by. Happy to make you laugh anytime. You know what they say — laugh, laugh, good for the heart the more you laugh the more you – wait …

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