Painting Trees; Lots Of Trees

By WR Jones

    While the elephant painting hoax was cleverly done, I think those people should be ashamed of themselves for causing Lisa so much stress. Rest assured, Lisa, you paint every bit as good as the simple majority of elephants.

    For the longest time I was returning home after work and finding rough sketches of trees throughout the house. I would find them in the oddest places; under the bed, behind the sofa, by the dog bowls, etc. I thought the housekeeper was influenced by my work and was learning to draw instead of clean. I would also notice my paint supplies had been tampered with from time to time, and even more disturbing was that my favorite brush had the tip of the handle chewed off.

    It had to be the housekeeper, but what an odd habit. I tried to make her smile so I could look for bits of paint brush wood between her teeth. I couldn’t get a laugh out of her. The only Spanish I know is “where is the bath room?” (I’m writing it here in English for you big dummies). She did not laugh at that but just kept repeating “Que?” Of course, she used those upside down Mexican question marks but I can’t find them on my keyboard.

    Finally, in frustration, I spent the money for a cheap small hidden still camera. Let’s just say I was totally unprepared for what I captured.

    Mango was painting.  He was painting trees.  I couldn’t afford the more expensive full video cameras so I will have to tell you what I witnessed.  I know many of you will be skeptical as I have been known to embellish, however slightly, a story in the past.  But this time the man who lied wolf is telling the honest to god nearly truth.

    He would paint a tree trunk, sniff it, then raise his leg and squirt a tiny amount of pee on each tree.  His little leg just quivvered; he was really into this painting.  It seems as though he has been academically trained somewhere as I noticed he would squint down to look at the outside reference trees.  But then he would doze off, so maybe he was simply copying my painting technique.

    So, altough he has the intelligence to paint, he can’t tell the difference between a painted image and the real thing.  I tried to explain to him he doesn’t need to mark every damn tree in the painting like he does on our walks.  That right there perfectly illustrates the difference between man and animal.  I don’t pee on my painted trees.  I save my water for those nights Mango and I go for our walk.

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Painting Trees; Lots Of Trees

  1. I think you are surely one of the funniest men I know! And now we readers are left with an image of dog and master watering trees together at night. Hmmmm.

  2. carol says:

    today trees, tomorrow, fire hydrants. Bill, just don’t start humping strangers legs.

  3. wrjones says:

    Susan, it’s not something I do for pleasure. I’m doing it to help Mango become a responsible citizen. If I don’t draw/water boundries he will become spoiled. I can’t let him think EVERY tree is his. So sometimes I say no Mango this tree is mine, we have to learn to share. “Oh gawd, here comes a car! Ok, ok, Mango you can have this tree, take it take it, quick.”

    Carol – you are making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Are you a Tarot card reader? Mango HAD painted a fire hydrant in the middle of his landscape field. When I mentioned it looked out of place he said he didn’t care it was his painting. After one last squirt he did finally relent and paint it over. I just look at those legs longingly. Recent trends toward political correctness have made those days a thing of the past.

  4. gypsy-heart says:

    Well, well, the secret is out…it has been Mango all along! I suspected as much!

    Next you will tell us Mango isn’t with you on the plein air ventures…sure, sure.

    You know my Ringo tried to take over my blog a while back! I let him write something on one post, and because of the response he threatened mutiny. I appeased him by promising to mention him as Ringo, my dog guru on the blog.

    Hmmm..I may have to lock the studio when I am gone. If suddenly paintings of a red cattle dog chasing cats or squirrels appear on my blog please call 911 for I am being held captive. :O

    Thanks for another laugh my crazy painting friend!!

  5. Anna Surface says:

    LOL LOL “I don’t pee on my painted trees. I save my water for those nights Mango and I go for our walk.”

    Bill, you crack me up! I thought peed trees were pee-mails for doggies. Like–‘You got mail.’ ‘Please leave a message.’ ‘There are no unread messages.’ LOL

    I think Mango makes a right fine painter. :)

    Thanks for the laugh!!!

  6. ratedxtin says:

    as always, Mango is so adorable. you guys are all so funny!

  7. Rhonda says:

    Mango seems to be a fine painter, indeed – and I like the model (or is is an art critique in the corner of the easel watching?). So fun to get back to your posts and read something that makes me laugh out loud. If you get the word out and put a little splint on Mango’s leg, I’m sure you could make hundreds of thousands in Mango-aid paintings!

  8. wrjones says:

    Christine – Mango and I are waiting for a Thai food care package from you. Mango doesn’t care for spicy but I do so you should probably break that order into two shipments.

    Rhonda – Mango is an excellent painter but he is becoming increasingly bitter that I sign the pieces and take credit. I sat down with him last night to explain the crushing burden that fame would place on us if I let him paint in public.

    On the easel is a Brush Bear named Rocco. He is there to guard my brushes He is crushing (in a bear hug) a Rhodesian Bristle Backed brush plucker. These nastly little devils pull the hairs, one by one, from my Royal & Langnickel series 5590 brushes.

  9. wrjones says:

    Gypsy – I thought I did leave a comment to your comment. It was to the effect that I was going to break my very expensive habit of calling 900 numbers so I would have to write your local sheriff to save you. Unless, of course, your dog writes better than you.

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