By WR Jones
Prior to leaving for my last trip Lisa warned me to leave the room service maids alone. As the fellow says, I had the right to remain silent I just didn’t have the brains.
Saturday morning I had my easel set and the lighting in place. When the maid gave her timid little knock, “room service”, I let her in with a flourish and a “good morning you little beauty.” I told her to disrobe and get on the sofa where the light could catch her blue/black hair.
Problem number one; that old bugaboo, language. She didn’t understand me. Being a resourceful fellow I figured I would demo what I wanted. I took off my clothes and sat on the sofa.
Problem number two; really now, was I expected to know she was a cage fighting warrior, an Ultimate Fighting Champion belt holder? Now my eyes are swollen nearly shut, I have matching cracked ribs on both sides, my jaw needs to be wired, and I broke my nose trying to run through the sliding glass door in my panicked flight to escape her wrath.
Still, she didn’t escape unscathed here, as the maid she will have to clean up this mess.
Anyhoo, lesson learned. I asked Big Red here if he would pose as I was ready to paint. And, being a glass half full type of guy, I look on the swollen eyes as a built in squint to see values tool. There is an up side to having my jaw wired shut as well. I’m now on a diet of bird seed which will help keep me from ballooning up like Lisa. She has packed on 2 or 3 lbs and if you catch her in the right light it looks like her air bags went off.
I got Big Red to hold steady by telling him I didn’t much care for cats. I also told him I thought cats should be limited to 7 lives at the most, and if he would maintain the pose I would share my birdseed with him.