German Junk

By W. R. Jones


    I don’t want to hear a word about the vaunted German engineering.  Their cars suck.  I have a 2000 Eurovan.  As a van it is a totally pathetic design.  Why did I buy it?  It is a van conversion to a camper by Winnebago.  They also produce junk.  But, you can raise the roof to stand, you can cook in it,  it has a bed and a fair amount of room.  So I put up with the expensive unreliability. 

    This weekend, for the second time, the transmission failed.  By failed I mean it would not shift and would only creep forward.  I paid $130 to have it towed to Barber VW in Ventura.  They could not find anything wrong.  I asked them to change the transmission fluid at least.  I was looking for a placebo effect like the doctors give me when I think I have galloping cancer and less than a week to live.  The sugar pill does me a world of good and never fails to cure my ailment.

    Seven hundred dollars gets me the placebo.  I should have taken the van to a doctor.  It would have been cheaper.  And probably at the doctor’s office I would not have had my 2Gig thumb drive and my photo memory transfer device stolen.

   This clever German designed auto cost $1000 to have the spark plugs changed.  I know this because I’ve had it done 5 times at 5 different dealers in two states.   I exaggerate, at one dealer, when I returned to pick up the van I remarked, “Don’t tell me, let me guess; this is going to be $1000.”  “Oh no, nothing like that.  You are going to be pleasantly surprised.  It is only $850.”  “Wow”, I say, “Just like Christmas.”

This entry was posted in Drawing, Humor, On Suffering, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to German Junk

  1. Is it a standard shift? Do you ride the clutch? I’ve got a 2003 VW Jetta with automatic transmission. I LOVE my VW (but then, the Jetta model, especially the station wagon, was actually made in Germany and not one of these low wage, all profit for the auto manufacturing countries!) Made in Germany, what a “novel” idea! :!:

  2. wrjones says:

    It is an automatic. I did ride the clutch when I drove cars with manual transmissions. Were you watching me?

  3. 100swallows says:

    I don’t know what a Eurovan 2000 looks like but I like the standing-up option. Must be fun on a summer’s day with a beer in one hand to stand at the helm and drive her through the rolling asphalt like a ship captain.
    You used to ride the clutch? Shame on you.

  4. I must “commend” you on your admission of “guilt” (that is, about riding the clutch). What else can I say? Outfit your Eurovan to be a rolling art studio! Or, have you already done so? Show us some pictures.

  5. gypsy-heart says:

    Sounds like you should have a bus ticket in your pocket when you travel. :O

    Years ago I was told I “ride the brakes” too much..I wonder if that was a metaphor for my life then. Now I am on “toads wild ride”…hee, hee.

    I really love your sketches!

  6. wrjones says:

    I didn’t know I was riding the clutch until I took a car into the dealer 3 times because the cruise control keep shutting off. Each time they told me they could not find anything wrong. The third time I insisted there was something wrong, they should look harder. Finally one tech asked me if I kept my foot on the clutch. I said I didn’t think so but was not sure. When I drove after that I paid attention to what I was doing with my left foot and sure enough it was setting on the clutch just hard enough to shut down the cruise control.

    Thanks gypsy, you can have one if you fix my transmission. I do travel with enough money to call a cab.

  7. kevmoore says:

    We had an ad in the UK some years back promoting Audi with the words “vorschprung durch technik” which, roughly translated by those who could only afford the cheaper 10 year old audis meant:”my car won’t start”.

    Remember the Volkswagen was Hitlers brainchild…and I always wondered about those handstraps on either side of the VW bug…they look suspiciously like stirrups to me…can we be sure Dr Mengele didnt put a few ideas on the table.

    but hey, let bygones be bygones, im not one to bear a grudge, we drive German cars. who knows, in 50 years we might all be buying Iraqi convertibles….trouble is, the sat-nav will always point you towards mecca.

  8. wrjones says:

    And each car will come with a prayer rug and a prayer mouse pad. Marketing brilliance; Kev, let’s head for Baghdad to apply for the dealership rights.

  9. Miki says:

    I generally don´t like the design of German cars,I find them boring. I don´t like either the French or Spanish or American car designs… all boring! But we have a German car, and its functionality is simply perfect, and always has been.
    But we have too the only car I ever found beautiful: The Smart Roadstar! What a great design, and until now, it even works great, even if it looks like a toy…
    and the other cars I find beautiful are your car sketches, Bil: I wished I could draw cars as well mas you do!

  10. wrjones says:

    Thanks for the compliment. I looked up the Smart Roadstar, it is a great design. I’m too old for cars that slick. My creaking old bones need something I can enter standing up.

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