The Dangers of Landscape Painting – Like, Coronaries

by Lisa

Bill tells me I need to brave the elements more and practice landscape painting en plein air. I am simply not a real elementy kind of girl, but I know it is true that the best landscape artists get their butts up and go out there.

    I don’t like bugs for one thing. They don’t like me either. Put a grasshopper near me, and you might as well light my hair on fire. The worst creepy crawly of all are tree frogs. I have had more than one near coronary resulting from the little bastards. Once, I was in a bathroom stall in the bayous of the deep South, and after I sat down to pee, I noticed what looked like a big wad of bright green bubble gum stuck to the back of the stall door. As I sat there contemplating how gross it was that someone would stick it there, I suddenly noticed that two little places on either side of the “gum” were pulsing in and out. Now…I ask you, what would you do, if you had a major phobia of bugs and creatures, your pants at your ankles, you’re locked in a stall where the door swings in, and on it is a tree frog two feet from your face? Remember, bugs don’t like me. Tree frogs jump. This is a dilemma of epic proportion. My first tendency to shriek may have dislodged him prematurely. Second tendency – sudden movement, also not good for positive outcome. Even if I had had a cup to clasp over him, I would not have been brave enough. At the very least, I was interrupted midstream. It’s a good thing I am a fairly agile person because I was able to scale the side of the stall from standing on the toilet and the situation was resolved peacefully without squad cars and paramedics being called in. I’m sure the person in the stall next to me was a bit surprised when I stepped on her head, but I didn’t stick around long. That was when the shrieking and running commenced.

   But I do need to overcome my ‘discomforts’ with the ‘elements’ since I have that new easel, and am all dressed up. Got places to go, and pictures to paint. And tree frogs to slay. 

frog.jpg  This is a tree frog. Doesn’t he look so cute and innocent here? I guarantee you that is not my hand and I will so not be painting his portrait.

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7 Responses to The Dangers of Landscape Painting – Like, Coronaries

  1. kevmoore says:

    I am assuming that you will not be appearing in wildlife documentaries any time soon. on another amphib-o-phobian note, I’ve always found it incredible that people would lick toads to get high…I would think you’d have to be off your face to go near one in the first place wouldn’t you?

  2. gypsy-heart says:

    They say to overcome fears you should face them..embrace them. So I think your next plein air trip should be to produce a frog series!
    Maybe kevmoore is on to something…lick toads then paint. Could be a very interesting series!

  3. lbtowers says:

    (cringes visibly)

  4. wrjones says:

    Clearly, as was plain to our naturalist, Lisa, that green monster had large pointy teeth and claws that could rip a roll of toilet paper to shreads.

    She was correct in her panicked flight. Any other course of action and she would not be with us today.

  5. Carol King says:

    I’m with you. Outside begins with “ow”!

  6. Janet says:

    You would LOVE the Bahamas and all those lizards & snakes! :lol:

  7. wrjones says:

    Would that be Country Carol King from New York City? I think even Lisa would prefer a tree frog to a mugger.

    Forget about Lisa, Janet. Let’s go to the Bahamas by ourselves.

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