Today I sat my students down and went over “Lisa’s List of Pet Peeves”. I have been teaching long enough to where I feel I have earned the right to wave my big stick. I have two big classes on Wednesdays, and it is imperative that they all behave, and not annoy me badly, or I won’t help them. Just kidding. No I’m not.
I will now print the list along with little notes in purple that I would like to add but my boss won’t let me:
1) Leave your caps off your tubes of paint. This encourages you to use paint more freely (and discourages me from slapping your hands).
2) Do not leave your brush cleaner jars open in class. This is unhealthy and unnecessary (and likely to make your jar mine once I have confiscated it behind your back).
3) Do not attempt to clean your brushes in your palette cups since you are not allowed to have your brush cleaner jars. (I will bust you every time since muddy medium is a dead giveaway that you have cheated shamelessly.)
4) No whining allowed. It brings everybody down with you. (Who do you think you are, freaking Rembrandt that you should be painting like already?)
5) Clean up your mess. (I am not your mother although I act like her with all the bitching I do.)
6) I don’t mind cell phones ringing in class, but PLEASE walk out of the room and out of the building entirely to have a conversation. (We can still hear you in the hallway, and we do not care about your mother’s colonoscopy.)
7) Always have good brushes (or you might as well go snap a twig off the tree and freaking paint with that).
8) Always squeeze paint out onto the EDGE of your palette NOT in the center leaving the center for mixing. (Edge means SIDE!!&#$*.)
9) I hate paper palettes (and people who sing badly with ipods).
10) Do not drag easels or benches across the floor. (It has the ‘ol twig in a hurricane effect on me.)
11) Please wear paint clothes to class. (This is not a Project Runway audition.)
12) Do not be late to class. It is hard to organize a large class without knowing how many students will be there from the outset. (This makes me decidedly cranky, and you should always remember to bring a gift of coffee cake or chocolates or something.)
It always helps to go over this list at the very beginning…for about one class…and then I’m back to shrieking PLEASE DON’T DRAG THAT EASEL!!!