By WR Jones
Vincent and I have a couple of things in common. We both have some small mental issues that need resolving and neither of us can sell a painting. From that commonality it goes even further downhill for me.
I can’t give paintings away. Here is a typical conversation with a friend as I try hard to unload at least one piece:
Me, “Do you like any of these paintings?” “Ya.., that one is not bad.” “Would you like to have it?” “Nah.., you keep it, we really don’t have any wall space to hang it.” “What do you mean no wall space? This is a 6″x8″ painting and you have a 6500 sq ft home.” “Ya, I know. But, you know, we have the TV and there is that calendar we hang, and the windows take up a lot of space.” “How about hanging it in that 7 car garage you have?” “Ok, I suppose that would work. No, wait, that seems like an empty wall, but that’s where I hang my rake. I just forgot to bring it in from the yard last fall. I do like the frame on that piece. Could I have just the frame?”
I sometimes wonder if Vincent’s after death surge in sales was not somehow linked with cutting off his ear then shooting himself. That seems like a fairly extreme sales technique. However, I have been giving the concept some consideration, with modern modifications of course. I feel I have the edge on media savvy over Vincent. If I cut my own ear off no one will give a shit. However, if I cut Lisa’s ear off (and what does she need it for, she never listens), and shoot her, not fatally (that would ruin my source of Jordan almonds and boba drinks) maybe in the foot, sales might just pick right on up.
Look for me and Lisa on the 11 o’clock news, or save Lisa’s ear, buy this painting today!