Van Gogh y Yo

By WR Jones

   vangogh2.jpg

   Vincent and I have a couple of things in common.  We both have some small mental issues that need resolving and neither of us can sell a painting.  From that commonality it goes even further downhill for me.

    I can’t give paintings away.  Here is a typical conversation with a friend as I try hard to unload at least one piece:

    Me, “Do you like any of these paintings?”  “Ya.., that one is not bad.”  “Would you like to have it?”  “Nah.., you keep it, we really don’t have any wall space to hang it.” “What do you mean no wall space?  This is a 6″x8″ painting and you have a 6500 sq ft home.”  “Ya, I know.  But, you know, we have the TV and there is that calendar we hang, and the windows take up a lot of space.”  “How about hanging it in that 7 car garage you have?”  “Ok, I suppose that would work.  No, wait, that seems like an empty wall, but that’s where I hang my rake.  I just forgot to bring it in from the yard last fall.  I do like the frame on that piece.  Could I have just the frame?” 

    I sometimes wonder if Vincent’s after death surge in sales was not somehow linked with cutting off his ear then shooting himself.  That seems like a fairly extreme sales technique.  However, I have been giving the concept some consideration, with modern modifications of course.  I feel I have the edge on media savvy over Vincent.  If I cut my own ear off no one will give a shit.  However, if I cut Lisa’s ear off (and what does she need it for, she never listens), and shoot her, not fatally (that would ruin my source of Jordan almonds and boba drinks) maybe in the foot, sales might just pick right on up.

    Look for me and Lisa on the 11 o’clock news, or save Lisa’s ear, buy this painting today!

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17 Responses to Van Gogh y Yo

  1. 100swallows says:

    Don’t do it, Bill. Lisa has a nice little ear–I saw it in her last post. She needs it to keep her hair back while she paints.

  2. gypsy-heart says:

    I am not into self induced pain or the sight of blood (even others) so I would have to figure out some other forms of attention drawing drama.
    Hmmm! Maybe I can use my family somehow..which side though, the religious nuts on one side or the hell raising drinking gamblers on the other side. Which leads me to this…I could just plead insanity. Oh that won’t work either for that’s already a requirement for an artist.

  3. wrjones says:

    Handcuff members of one side to those on the other. That should produce a potential reality series.

    I was watching the documentary, Baghdad Hospital, that showed the incredible stress they are under to handle so many gunshot and bomb wound victims. A shocking sight was watching a young boy with tubes in both sides of his chest to drain blood from his lungs. They jabbed a long needle deep into his abdomen 3 times to check for internal injuries. They did not have any other way to test, no xray film and no ultrasound. All this with no anesthetic.

    I would never put Lisa through that. I’d give her some aspirin.

  4. lbtowers says:

    I go away to do a demo all day yesterday with a cold and fever, log on this morning, and find all this chatter going on about my ear. Do me a favor Bill, take my nose instead. It’s going to fall off anyway.

  5. grfxho says:

    Not to interrupt this fascinating discussion (and potentially criminal activity), but I really like this piece, Bill.

  6. 4urpets says:

    I don’t have any clever comment to say. Everyone’s just about said it for me. :)

  7. wrjones says:

    What a cute little dog. Not as pretty as Mango of course but very lovely. Does he/she need to pee at 2AM?

  8. wrjones says:

    You got me thinking 4u. Being clever is not nearly as important as just being yourself. Thanks for visiting with us.

  9. 4urpets says:

    That little doggy on the right is my baby Tinky. She is my third and last Chihuahua. And yes, they all have tiny bladders, but most nights they hold it.

  10. wrjones says:

    Most nights is the important fragment in that sentence. She is sleeping in your bed.

  11. cantueso says:

    But you are lucky. What if your friends, seeing that you LIKE paintings, gave you some for Christmas? What would you do? Do you know? You’ll have to hang it up, you know, because they might come back any day and would want to see it in a good place.

    The best you can do is take pre-emptive action and let it be known that you collect miniature children’s toys or hand-painted clothes pins (easy to store).

  12. wrjones says:

    One can only admire a pragmatist such as you are. Let it be known I am a dedicated collector of ornately carved petrified rabbit dung.

  13. kevmoore says:

    I do believe you have pinpointed the single most annoying excuse put forward by those whining hypocrytical toadies masquerading as “prospective buyers”. No wall space!!! I join you in being incensed…so often Miki and I have accepted this excuse as though ot is a perfectly reasonable reason for not buying a perfectly reasonably priced painting, but of course, it is not. It is a cunning bamboozle, unless they live in a cardboard box. Come to think of it though, the last guy who nearly bought one was an alcoholic and didn’t have any shoes….

  14. kimiam says:

    van gogh looks a bit tepid in your painting. Maybe you need to feed him better. Bet he wasn’t American. er…uh…

    Heart warming artist story. I can relate. I, too, have a rake in my garage. …and also I have a fabulous, luxurious art studio where I happen to park my cars. It’s also my gallery.

  15. wrjones says:

    Kimiam, are you wearing a live dog as a neck scarf? What a brilliant idea. A lot warmer than a plain strip of wool. Might be a little heavy however.

    It is heartwarming, I cry everytime I read this post.

    Tip: Don’t run the cars while you are painting in the garage.
    1. The exhaust will smudge your work
    2. Gas is expensive
    3. You don’t need to heat the garage as you have that dog scarf.
    4. You are going to get sleepy and want to lay down. When this happens you will get paint all over yourself and the dog. Then they will take your paints away like they did from me.

    Went to your site and saw you are a sculptor so just ignore the above advice, try to sit the clay down before you fall asleep.

    Like your work.

  16. kimiam says:

    I use the poodle to cover up fine lines and wrinkles. Saves me loads of cash on cosmetics and surgery.

    I do sometimes paint and I get paint all over myself even when I’m awake. I teach kids art classes mostly so I have other, shorter people around to blame all the stains and spills on. Don’t tell anyone.

  17. wrjones says:

    It is interesting how we sometimes think we have an idea no one else has used before. Placing the blame on someone else is a standard. I try to blame Mango for any stray paint. To make it plausible I have dipped his paws in the paint and turned him loose. Didn’t work. My wife,”If you can’t lie any better than that you might as well tell the truth.”

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