By W.R. Jones
No, I’m not wearing red, I’ve got on some beige corduroy pants, a black shirt, and black and beige sweater.
Today I Wear Red is a Milkweed post. When she is wearing red, don’t bug her, and take out the garbage like she told you. I used Google Earth to find her and using a little known feature of that software was able to zoom in and look out her back window. Damn it looks cold there. She is thinking, “Nuts, I’ve got to shovel the driveway again.”
Speaking of wearing things, this morning my wife asked me if this sweater is new. It is at least 5 years old. No big deal but the tone of her voice has unnerved me. I have been planning on unveiling a new shirt, sweater, and sport coat I ordered from Orvis when I felt Santa had gone cheap and shorted me again this year. Now I’m afraid to bring them to the light. On the way to work I racked my brain for someway of explaining them. I can’t go with the “I picked them all up for $5 at the Goodwill store” as she will notice the Orvis labels. If I could find a woman who sews maybe she could swap the labels to “Cheap Charley’s Bargin Basement” for me. Barring that I guess I will use the standard wait a few months then wear them. At that point I will be able to pass the lie detector test with, “these old rags, I’ve had them a long time. I’m surprised you never noticed.”