By W.R. Jones
I thought I would get my eyes checked since I get a headache if I read with my bifocals. I can and do read fine without them but only one eye is doing the reading while the other is screaming, “I can’t see a damn thing. Are you reading that smut again?” Likewise at a distance the left eye sees fine while the right eye sees a ball of fuzz and says, “I can’t see a damn thing. You aren’t going to get us run over by a truck are you?”
Being parsimonious, part of the decision process to get the eyes checked was that I have insurance that pays for it. Every two years I can get the checkup and a pair of glasses (sort of I found out). The optometrist said the glasses were slightly unbalanced for reading. So even though each individual eye saw clearly through the lens they were struggling. He gave me a prescription for new lenses and sent me on my way.
I went to another optometrist office to get the lenses fabricated. There, when I entered, a young man and an older man were having a discussion. Older feller, “You don’t like them because you’re young.” “No, I’m 27 and I’ve worn glasses since the age 8. No one would want that style frame.” The older man left the office and I waited for my turn to order glasses. I like my current frames and only wanted the lenses replaced. But they said that it would leave me without glasses for 10 days and besides insurance would cover the new frames. It made sense to get new frames.
Alright, let me pick something. “I want fames like what I’m wearing now. What have you got like these?” “Are you kidding me? Hey, Mary, what is that salesman’s number again? Grandpa here actually wants that style.” He called the salesman but they did not have the frames available so I went to the wall and picked a frameless style (for even older folks).
The insurance covers frames upto $100. The new frameless (this is weird – I’m buying frames but they are frameless) style is $260. Not to worry they tell me, they will give me a deal. And, furthermore, they will give me an additional deal on the lens UPGRADES so my out of pocket expense is a mere $150.
I picked them up yesterday. I can’t see a smidgen better, don’t look a smidgen better, do look a smidgen older in my new glasses. I can’t see a damn thing.