Painterly Mastectomy

by WR Jones


    I LOVE the Residence Inn Hotels.  I was on a trip to San Jose last week and stayed at a Residence Inn.  This was the housekeeper who volunteered to pose after doing the dishes.  I asked her to stay for some wine and pop tarts (it was all I had) after the session but she said she had to clean the next room.

    Naw, but it is good for the spirit to fantasize once in a while.  See was actually a model at the Los Angeles Academy of Figurative Art.  The back breast was pushed against the chair giving it an odd shape.  I thought I had painted it wrong but the person next to me had it the same.  I didn’t care for the look so I attempted to improve by covering it with the red cloth.  This doesn’t look much better but I just could not think of a good way to handle it.

    What I liked about this model was the very dark hair and the light skin. 

    On the plane to San Jose I was looking through the Skymall catalog and came upon an ad for an electric exercise saddle.  It looked like the saddle part of horseback riding with some controls.  The ad contended this device would exercise your core muscles and increase your metabolism with almost zero effort on your part.  I can see the fat fools that would purchase such a device, “Yep, this time I’m really serious about dropping some weight.  Would you slide that coffee table a little closer to Trigger here?  It’s difficult to lean out of the saddle to reach for a nacho with the table over there.  Hand me the TV remote while your up.”

   A double curse, overweight and dumber than 40 water buffalo. 

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