Handy Man

By WR Jones

Plein Air

Plein Air – 8″ x 10″ – Oil on Linen Panel
This little girl is getting a head start on a life of frustration.  Good luck kid.

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I’m going to talk about some general handy man stuff today.

The first issue:

Keeping track of your glue.   Last week I needed some super glue.  I needed it to glue my broken guitar playing thumbnail.  The nail broke when I fell with my bike (again). Guess the pain from the first fall didn’t register to the extent I would learn something.  Now I’ve got a note taped to my handlebars reminding me to un-clip feet when stopping.  Had to use tape instead of glue as I didn’t have any glue.  It just occurred to me that if I’m going to stick with those biking shoes (and my wife is insisting that I do so having spent all that money on them) I ought to put those training wheels back on.   Well, I take the car to Walmart to get a $7 big bottle of super glue for the thumbnail.  Would have ridden the bike but now I get the shakes every time I go near it.    I get home and open desk drawer to put my car keys away and notice I did have a big bottle of super glue.  Ok, let’s not get started on the memory issue.  I open the new glue and apply to thumbnail.  All is good.  The next day I need to glue the trim on my pickleball paddle.  Can’t find the new bottle of glue.   Fine, I have another in my desk.  I use that bottle to fix paddle.  Two days later my thumbnail is splitting again.  I look for the glue that was in my desk.  Not there.  In fact not ANYWHERE.  It has gone to glue heaven with the first bottle.   Now I have lost $14 worth of glue in a few days.  Could this sort of thing have led to that saying, “a fool and his money?”   I bought a third bottle of glue.  This time paying only $5 so if when I lose it my total glue expense will be less than $20.  Brilliance comes in spurts they say – after fixing my nail I glued the bottle down.  Good idea eh.  Well the concept was ok but not so much the execution.  I glued it to my desk.  If I rip it off it will leave a noticeable spot on the expensively refinished top.  I’ll just dust around it.  If I need it for my thumb again I will have to turn the desk over to get glue to drip out.  This feels like a future disaster.

The second issue:

Plumbing – don’t do it, pay someone.

I changed to a fancy shower head this morning.  The first attempt failed as the water shot out the connection onto the shower head wall and ceiling instead of coming out the expected holes.  Not sure exactly what happened.  I tried again.  This time I planned on tightening the connection so the water could not possibly escape backwards.  Well really, how was I to know a wrench could slip off like that?  Gouged a small hole in wall.  Not that big of deal and I didn’t spill all that much paint while touching up the wall repair.  Now it sort of works.  At least the back spurt doesn’t reach all the way to the ceiling.  This shit is some sort of black magic, pay your local warlock to do it.

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12 Responses to Handy Man

  1. Gina Agrav says:

    so glad to see you writing again… nice to start my morning laughing at someone else’s expense. I thought I was the only person this sort of thing happened to. Like when I was redoing our bathroom, smashing apart a resin tub (had to, weighed a ton) and saying to myself “gee, those pvc pipes are so thin..i’d better not hammer near there” as I swing the sledge right there – talk about water gushing, cuz, do you think I shut off the water? And then, in a mind fart panic, I can’t remember where the main shutoff is. The bedroom carpet finally did dry though…

  2. wrjones says:

    Hi Gina, Thanks for the chuckle. Now I don’t feel so alone. I really like the image of “swing the sledge”; so much more powerful than “thump it with a stick”. You could be my ghost writer and polish my image. I want to look 6’5″ 245lbs. I had a leak on to carpet in an appt years ago. A few weeks later I had mushrooms growing out of carpet. I could never tell if my hallucinations came from eating them or that cleaning stuff I was snorting.

  3. Bill… I’ve missed you… Glad you are back to painting and blogging again. (While you MAY have been painting all along, I didn’t get to see the result.)
    And as always, you made me smile. — Thanks!!

  4. Cool, you’re blogging again!!! I love how you captured the little girl in this painting – her movements, concentration, stance. Perfect!

  5. It is so good that your handy! because I would have to hire someone to help me fix the shower head. Love this painting- the orange brings energy to the piece.

  6. Lisa says:

    Bill, you need to keep this painting. It is one of my all-time favorites of yours.

    I will post soon!

    Lisa

  7. Nancy Hartley says:

    Bill, love your painting, and love your helpful hints! Wonderful blog! I love it!

  8. wrjones says:

    Marian – thanks. I have been painting the entire time. Didn’t get to show them as I tossed, er um no, sold them all. I see your skills have been progressing nicely!

    Holly – thank you. I will give it a day or so then check to verify you have posted a painting. Don’t want to hear that you have been busy raising boys, or working full time, or preparing for Thanksgiving, etc. These are my excuses. But then, you can slip schedule to shop for my Christmas stuff.

    Erika – yep I’m handy. If you are very lucky and can cook as well as paint you may someday have a man such as I to do the shower repairs. Then you will be showering at the neighbors and they will have a nice cup of hot coffee, and a cookie when you are done.

    Lisa – thanks – will be reading your post soon. Luckily it will be right here where I can find it.

    Nancy – thank you. Best thing you can do with my hints is to ignore them. If you do pay the slightest attention to my hints you may have wondrous adventures to share.

  9. Dawn says:

    Very nice painting Bill! Hope all is well~

  10. Connie Chadwell says:

    Hi Bill – I love this painting – really great – and enjoyed the comment, too, about a lifetime of frustration. So true. And the plumbing – I agree totally about paying someone to do it, but there’s always this temptation to fix something oneself. I never learn.

  11. rahinaqr says:

    the painting is beautiful William! An excellent composition and beautifully painted.
    your stories had me laughing and i am sure if you had taken the desk into the shower and turned it upside down and got some glue on that shower head everything would have worked out perfectly :)
    you got to hang out with smart people …. like me, i mean ;)

  12. wrjones says:

    Dawn – thanks :)

    Connie – thank you. I’m with you on trying to fix it first. It never works. And people call me a pessimist go figure.

    Rahina – what the devil – you are a genius! I would be too intimidated to hang out with a mind like yours. I’m more of a let’s go get a beer and some french fries while the plumber cleans up my latest mess type of guy.

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