Performance Enhancing

By W. R. Jones

I don’t get what the fuss is about performance enhancing drugs.  Those athletes are doomed to train-wreck bodies anyway.  Do you really give a shit what drugs they take?  If you do simply because they may influence your little Johnny or Mary to imitate their heroes, then you should start a parents against ball players chewing tobacco and scratching their nuts on TV group.  I may join that one myself.

If they had painting enhancing drugs I would take them in a pair of seconds.  I’ve Googled every possible combo looking for such a thing.  If fact I’m surprised they don’t have at least a high cost placebo.   Look at all the ads suggesting 98% of men have limp peckers.  We must have an equally high of  percentage of us that don’t paint all that well.  We  need a drug promising excellent painting results in 90 days; accompanied by TV promos showing suck work before and pieces of great beauty hanging in the Louvre with the painter speaking fluent French (when before the drug they spoke a lower form of Eubonics).

I’ve tried alcohol (more than a few times) all with the same result.  It seems the painting is going swimmingly but the next thing I know I’m waking on the bed with paint loaded brush still in my hand now resting on the pillow next to me.  So far I’ve been lucky in that the brush has always landed on my wife’s pillow.  She will have to check her hair in the morning light for undesired highlights.

This entry was posted in Drawing, Humor, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Performance Enhancing

  1. Rebecca says:

    I see the desert air has not affected your demeanor, yet, or your conscience. I agree, by the way, and think they should also do something for tone deaf musicians who need help.

  2. rahina qh says:

    the drawing of the window clearly shows what an excellent understanding you have of figure drawing…. you don’t need drugs, i think you should just leave the States for somewhere more calming… Tibet, that sounds nice…. send me a postcard ;)

  3. lesliepaints says:

    I like your drawing, Bill. It beckons to be painted. Would like to see what you would come up with.
    I laughed so hard at what you said, here. Especially the tobacco spitting.
    Interesting. Performance enhancement for the artist in the form of a drug…what will you think of next? :)

  4. Carol King says:

    Is she looking for the postman to deliver her performance enhancing drugs?

    I would love some painting performance enhancing drugs. Right after I take the weight loss, grow taller, look younger drugs. I have feel good drugs, but don’t take them. I live in NYC. No one feels good here. :)

    Lovely drawing Bill. How’s life in AZ?

  5. wrjones says:

    Rebecca – you are right. I still keep the same gentlemanly demeanor I’ve had since directly after my first post birth feeding. Yes I could use some drugs to advance the guitar playing as well.

    Rahina – I DO need drugs. Send me yours which clearly you are on; leading you to comment on your own comment. Isn’t Tibet one of those places with cold high mountains? If we stick with the ‘T’s I vote for Tahiti.

    Leslie – thanks. I was planning on a painting but my model flaked out on me. I believe I’m done thinking but thanks for the implied possibility of continued thought.

    Carol – excellent interpretation of the drawing! Hey, send me those feel good drugs, I’m sure they will work as painting enhancers. Life in AZ will be better soon when all the home remodel work is complete. But then the heat hits which, when you think about it, is good; I will have something to complain about.

  6. Very good, lifelike drawing. You got a real knack for the figure.

    If anybody suggests pot to enhance painting, don’t buy it! It’ll make you think you’re doing great but when it wears off, you stare at the crappy painting and feel like an idiot. Which you (and by ‘you’ I mean me, of course) are anyway for trying it in the first place.

  7. david lobenberg says:

    You are one AWESOME writer, and god I hate that over used word!! In fact I take that word back! Instead, you are one funny man! Speaking of funny men, have you seen the Jonathan Winters mockumentary about him trying to get his awesome paintings into the Museum Of Modern Art in New York? I found it on HULU. It’s AWESOME dude!!

  8. Lisa says:

    Hey Dude!! You are getting pretty good at this art stuff. I just logged on to look for an old post of mine, and saw your last three posts. I love the sketches. Jeremy Lipking, look out. I miss you Dude!

    Lisa

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