Performance EnhancingFebruary 15, 2012
By W. R. Jones
I don’t get what the fuss is about performance enhancing drugs. Those athletes are doomed to train-wreck bodies anyway. Do you really give a shit what drugs they take? If you do simply because they may influence your little Johnny or Mary to imitate their heroes, then you should start a parents against ball players chewing tobacco and scratching their nuts on TV group. I may join that one myself.
If they had painting enhancing drugs I would take them in a pair of seconds. I’ve Googled every possible combo looking for such a thing. If fact I’m surprised they don’t have at least a high cost placebo. Look at all the ads suggesting 98% of men have limp peckers. We must have an equally high of percentage of us that don’t paint all that well. We need a drug promising excellent painting results in 90 days; accompanied by TV promos showing suck work before and pieces of great beauty hanging in the Louvre with the painter speaking fluent French (when before the drug they spoke a lower form of Eubonics).
I’ve tried alcohol (more than a few times) all with the same result. It seems the painting is going swimmingly but the next thing I know I’m waking on the bed with paint loaded brush still in my hand now resting on the pillow next to me. So far I’ve been lucky in that the brush has always landed on my wife’s pillow. She will have to check her hair in the morning light for undesired highlights.