Profoundly Inefficient

By W.R. Jones

This may be one of my last paintings with any green in it, we are moved to the desert now.   The new house is still a mess of flooring and bath changes, painting, etc.  I do have a prospective painting area with good north light which will expand the hours I can paint.  Not that I expect to use the extra hours.  I’m too attached to my habit of pissing away time of any value.

I’m operating at a estimated 1.7% efficiency.   If it weren’t for my nanosecond attention span I expect I could get a lot of shit done.

Example:

Got milk from fridge for coffee.  Pick up scrap of paper on floor on way to coffee cup.  Start for garbage can in garage to toss scrap.  Open garage door and see golf cart.  This reminds me to connect it for a charge.  Then I look out the door and see mail box across street.  Reminds me to pick up mail.  Go in house to get key.  I get key then have to pee.  Go to bathroom, leave both key and scrap.  Did remember to pee so not all of my memory has been damaged.   Walk across street to mailbox.  Damn where is the key?  Oh ya, left it by the coffee cup.  Nope, DAMN IT, my wife has put the keys in some obscure spot AGAIN.  I’ve told her a thousand times to put it in the drawer by the door but nooo she can’t remember that simple act.  If she weren’t visiting the neighbor I’d kick the slats out of her.   Now what was I doing?  Oh ya I left that scrap of paper by the toilet.  I will get that taken care of right now.   Hmmn that’s strange what are the mail box keys doing here?  Oh well, I’ll get the mail.  Well nuts, there is too much mail for me to carry with this milk carton in my hand.  I better return it to the frig before it goes bad……

Thirty minutes later … phooey my coffee’s cold, I’ll heat it in the microwave and while it’s heating I’ll get some milk from the frig.  Don’t understand why my wife doesn’t think I can multitask.

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Profoundly Inefficient

  1. Anne says:

    This is really lovely! Thank you for sharing.

  2. Steve says:

    Just wanted to say that I think this painting is really great! The desert is really too beautiful for words, though, so I’m sure the paintings will remain wonderful (and, depending on where you are, still might have plenty of green)!

  3. Oh Boy Bill,
    I am just thinking of (looking forward to) all that you will be able to complain about in the desert…all that will be new to you! So, it is with that that I don’t feel sorry for you. I love this last dash of green before the desert landscape painting! You are terrific. :)

  4. Erin says:

    Really love this painting! Can’t wait for the desert landscapes though… but I want to make sure you keep your wits about you. As your trainer, I’m thinking you may need to find a pool to both cool off & exercise in to get the blood flowing back to your brain. Clearly, circulation is becoming an issue ;-)

    Miss you more than you know. I bought a bag of Tootsie Rolls & eat 1 after each time I Spin…. it’s my reward ♥

  5. Irene says:

    Beautiful work Bill, as always. :)

    That sounds so familiar. I always tell people that I lost 33 percent of my memory with each child, and I have three. :D

  6. rahina qh says:

    William, you have excelled yourself with this painting and clearly in your case, your brain is not a necessary organ when you paint and the lack of its function seems to have an enhancing effect on your balanced colour choices and perspective.

    i’m just wondering, you actually took the milk carton into the bathroom? did you wash your hands? and it’s good to know your wife has belief in your multi-tasking (those two negatives make it a positive??)

  7. wrjones says:

    Steve – thanks. You are right the desert does have its own beauty along with a bunch of stickery plants. They all seem to want to hurt me.

    Rebecca – as a bitching master I’m stocked for life with material. Among which is the lack of reading material you have been supplying me. One scrawny paragraph please. It can be wobbly I don’t care.

    Erin – thanks. I miss you. I’ve totally annoyed the instructors here telling them how you ran the classes. The water aerobics is particularly weak. You could move here to teach. Thought of that Tootsie Roll made me drool on my keyboard. Can’t really explain the rest of the drool down my shirt.

    Irene – thank you. You are still running hot and true with the remaining 1%. I do recommend forgoing any more children. Once you go negative you will be finding drool on your shirt like me.

    Rahina – wash wash wash. I thought you eurofolk never bathed; bad for the skin. I guess I did take the milk there. But maybe not. I can’t figure out how I would have unzipped with a carton of milk in my hand.
    Funny I had that sentence correct at first then changed it. Just like my old school test taking days when I would change a perfectly correct good guess to the wrong answer when 2nd guessing myself. Good to know my test taking abilities are still intact. Makes me feel young.

  8. Ann Grimaldi says:

    Beautiful street scene!

  9. Hi Bill, this is a fine painting. I look forward to seeing your interpretation of the rocks and canyons in your new home…missed your entertaining posts. Thanks for visiting my blog.

    Are you on Facebook? Talk about multitasking.

  10. wrjones says:

    Ann – thanks. I’ll be back to look for your self portrait in the future.

    Cathyann – thank you. I think I’m on facebook but don’t have any friends. Rahina was my only friend for awhile out of pity but then she felt embarrassed to be my only friend (what a chickenshit). I really don’t get the concept of facebook. I say just send me an email. I don’t care for everyone reading about Rahina calling me an idiot.

    • rahina qh says:

      Bill, you never posted on your FB page or visited it or responded to me saying ‘you’re an idiot’ on your FB page. It was then that i made the assumption you had died since you would normally have a ton of words to throw back at me. If you do go back, send me a request, and i might befriend you again… i’m feeling magnanimous this morning (only) ;)

  11. Karen Bruson says:

    Good luck with the move. Greens are hard to paint, anyway, even though your painting is lovely.
    Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog.

  12. Nicely painted, Bill. It’s a very relaxing scene and makes me want to take a nap after that stroll around the block.

  13. 100swallows says:

    This painting makes me miss American green but I’ve been living in the desert for a long time now and I would miss this too if I had to go. That good place to paint makes a big difference. I hope you do more scenes like this one. I noticed you painted the sky over the leaves rather than the other (usual?) way around.

  14. Carol King says:

    So, you moved to your “adult community” in the desert! I can’t wait to hear stories about THAT!

    I really like this painting. What color did you use for the sidewalks and steps?

    Looking forward to some brown paintings next. :) Enjoy your new place.

    BTW, I don’t think you could kick the slats out of your wife (whatever that means), I think she’d have you by the cojones first!

  15. Barbara Pask says:

    What a lovely charming street scene. You poor man, losing your mind and all. Oh wait, what was I saying??? lol Join the crowd, we laugh about it , what else can you do?

  16. lesliepaints says:

    Bill, thank you for the laugh. That is exactly how my day goes! I think it is great you managed to get a painting done. I actually want to take a walk on that sidewalk and see the rest of the view. Draws me right in!

  17. Love the greens, Bill; you did a really nice job with them and they are so tough to do. As for the post, it was frighteningly familiar. I’m worried about both of us.

  18. wrjones says:

    Karen – thanks. I mostly moved to the desert to escape the need to try to mix all that green. That and the damn near perfect weather all the time. Here we have grime and dust and heat. Smart move I say.

    Diana – thank you. Wake up wake up.

    100swallows – I’m way off in the desert now. I will have to work to find some greens here except for the cactus and a particular tree bark. I did paint sky over leaves and vise versa. I usually need to do this multiple times. I generally start with which ever has the largest mass.

    Carol – this is an adult community not counting myself. Luckily (I think) they let me in based on my wrinkles and not on the age I act. Kick the slats out of my wife is an expression I use when I’m irate. It translates into I don’t do my chores as fast as I’m expected rather than the direct action expressed in the words (inside my head). The grays are a mixture of Burnt Umber, Ultramarine Deep, White and a little of some other color to make it warmer or cooler. I might add Yellow Ochre for a warm area of sidewalk or street. I also create grays from Alizarin Crimson and Viridian sometimes.

    Barbara – thanks for the sympathy; all I was really after and you came through!

    Lesliepaints – thanks. You can take a short walk down that sidewalk. You will end up coming out the back of the painting which is sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. I haven’t dusted there; try to sneeze quietly so you don’t wake me up.

    Connie – thanks. Don’t worry. Be happy. I worry enough for both of us.

  19. Damn fine piece to end the green phase. Pick up more yellows at the art supplies store. But wait, ain’t y’all got no cacti – cactii – cactuses out there? They’re green, I think.

    I avoid all that multi-tasking confusion by just not doing much of anything. Very relaxing.

  20. connie says:

    Loved the account of your morning–did you recently retire? That is one excellent painting. Too bad you moved to the desert because I think you do greens like a pro.

  21. wrjones says:

    Albert – thanks. They do have those pokey plants out here. Great I can still practice greens.

    Connie – I did retire. Thanks for the compliment. Albert pointed out I can still find some greens around here.

  22. Dawn Fetty says:

    Glad to see you posting again!

  23. wrjones says:

    Dawn – glad to see you reading post (or at least scanning it.) Thanks.

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