Chicken Drover

By W.R. Jones

Given the infantile musings of my mind, I know exactly the thoughts racing through this toddler’s head.  He is calculating the odds that he will have to let go his beloved doll to throttle that chicken.

On another note, did you ever try to back out of the garage without first opening the door?  Doesn’t work well.  Outside of perusing the Merck Manual to stoke my raging hypochondria, I don’t have any formal medical training, but my “man on the street” gut feel is this lapse does not speak well for my mental health.

The good news is the remaining brain cells are still capable of working as a team to scheme our way out of the expected coming spousal brow beating in the offering.

Possibilities:

1.  Vandals – most likely those kids I strong armed to get their Halloween candy bags last year.

2.  A self healing gas line explosion from inside the garage that blew the door out.

3.  An international ring of car thieves wanting my van with 260,000 miles to sell in Mexico.  They forgot to open door first, panicked, and ran.

If you have any more plausible explanations stories lies, we could perhaps discuss a fee structure agreeable to us both.

 

 

 

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35 Responses to Chicken Drover

  1. Carol King says:

    Love the way that kid is staring at those chickens. I’d be running away from them.

    So, you really drove the car out of the garage without opening the door first? I say blame it on Aliens. The extraterrestrial kind.

  2. sam says:

    I say blame those extraterrestrial chickens. Just make sure you tell the same story twice. Excuses fail if you can’t. Oh, and don’t squirm.

  3. I never did…but a friend of mine did a while back. Wish I could remember his excuse. That kid might be thinking of a way to sove your problem, though.The chicken is distracting him.
    I like Carol’s excuse :-)…oh, but wait, I know…you were plucking some belly button lint to add to Carol’s dryer lint for her new art work. (see Carol’s post)
    aka ‘a good deed never goes unpunished.’
    Hope your week goes better.

  4. rahinaqh says:

    that is one cute kid and i love the way you handle the grasses and foreground.
    as for your excuses, i think you should take the frying pan over the head like a man and stop wasting those last few brain cells on excuses you’ve probably already used.
    ps could you take a photo of the lump on your head for your next post?

  5. lesliepaints says:

    Go on with your bad self! You did not! Around here, we call those happenings “brain farts”, but if you really care about not having had one, and you have an electric garage door, you could say you hit the button and it got stuck partway up but you were already in the car and didn’t look behind you.
    That chicken is as big as he is. I’ll bet he is worried about his doll. Love the painting, Bill. :)

  6. Does the kid throttle the chicken? I think you’ve got another painting there. Could be pendants. Before and after …

  7. wrjones says:

    Carol – I took your advice. Thanks for the beating – I had it coming.

    Sam – Well, if I had the memory to tell the same story twice in a row I probably would have remembered to open the door. I will practice not wiggling when lying. Sounds like a good character builder to me.

    Cathyann – too late I used Carol’s excuse. I don’t think you get another chance for a new lie. That is, of course, unless my wife has a memory leak as bad as mine.

    Rahina – you will be happy to note that I did take the pan over the head (yet again). Not so sure of the “like a man” part. Does a man normally tear up with a quivering lower lip?

    Leslie – I did. Damn I should have talked to you before going for the lame Carol story. You are good. I need a pal like you to turn to for cover stories.

    Aletha – thanks for the painting idea. I will kill the neighbor’s chicken to use for a model. I will back over the chicken if I can remember to open the door.

  8. Barbara Pask says:

    Just precious Bill, very painterly and so nice. We are all struggling with lapses in memory or most of us anyway, we try to laugh at it. My husband says “this is as good as it gets” lol. Not much comfort in that is there?

  9. wrjones says:

    Barbara – thanks. I’m losing the struggle.

  10. AryanMolaeimehr says:

    hi,my name is Aryan i am an artist and i love this painting

  11. Dawn says:

    I am so loving this painting!!! One of my favorite things in this painting are his green shoes….How big is it and is it for sell? Really good job!!

  12. wrjones says:

    Aryan – thanks.

    Dawn – thank you. It is 8″x6″ and is for sale. My wife took it to work (she hangs them at the bank) just this morning to see if it would sell.

  13. Oh dear, Bill!!!

    Did you really??? Nooooooooooooooooooooooo… You are always so full of stories that I can never tell when you’re teasing or not.

    Love the painting. Hard to believe it’s a 6×8!!

    BTW… Have you ever tried to chase a chicken??? THAT doesn’t work too well either.

  14. Are you telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Years ago, my Dad backed into the supporting post of our carport and part of the roof came down. He also lost the outboard motor in the river when we were out in a rented motor boat on a fishing trip (long story and too exhausting to tell). He also took out a parking meter while moving forward with the driver’s door open! On the other hand, his oldest son (yours truly) once parked his car in a metered space, got out to feed the meter and found about eight quarters on the ground at the base of the meter pole!! Do you have any teeth left to lie through?

  15. wrjones says:

    Marian – Yep, I did. I did this 6″x8″ because that is all I had with me when I decided to do the painting. Now I wish it were bigger but don’t want to repaint it. I guess the lesson here is to carry lots of panels/linen and look before you back out of garage. I have not chased any chickens that I can recall. I have recently had a chicken sandwich so I guess someone ran that chicken down.

    David – I have a passing acquaintance with the truth, or “honest to God truth” as we say when we are lying through our teeth. Also, I would like to point out in my defense, I only become economical with the truth to avoid begin caught. Isn’t that just self defense?

  16. This painting is my favorite!

  17. a little late to respond, Bill, sorry.
    Great little painting.
    About the garage door, maybe you’re Mentalpausal.

  18. wrjones says:

    Watercolor Paintings – You can’t just say this is your favorite – you must rank all the painting on the blog in numerical order. Which one is your twelfth favorite?

    Rebecca – it is never too late for you to respond. I thought you had died. I was just about to write your mother for a cup of your ashes to make a diamond. Wanted you as a keepsake. Excellent play on words but sort of wasted on a old man who’s mind is teetering.

  19. silvia says:

    that kid looks just like my kid! he loves chicken too :P (chasing them around, yelling)

  20. ad2050 says:

    I like how, in the painting, your strokes give a totally believable impression of the ground without you actually drawing any of that. That takes a knack. And yeah, the kid does look like he’s got grabbin’ on his mind.

    On the mental health note, here’s my theory. Age has something to do with it, but not what most seem to think. Not a malfunction, per se; it’s just that you’ve been storing stuff in that noodle for so long, it takes longer, due to volume, to sift through and find what you were looking for. I’m saying, if you’d have sat in the car a minute more, it would’ve come to you to open the garage door. This explains why everything we do as we age gets slower, doesn’t it?

  21. ad2050 says:

    It’s ’cause were so much smarter now, I meant to imply, but forgot to.

  22. wrjones says:

    ad2050 – If I sat in the car another minute I probably would have got out and gone into the house thinking the day was done and I had just got home.

    Silvia – Perfect – I will sell it to you as a portrait. It will be a family heirloom. Do you have any photos of him around a calf?

  23. connie says:

    Bill, I miss you!! Are you ever going to post again?

  24. wrjones says:

    Hi Connie, it is nice to be missed. I do expect to one day blog again. First I need to get some painting finished to post. I’m distracted by multiple events at the moment. Lost job, trying to sell house, and family illness have interrupted my painting and blogging.

  25. Dawn says:

    Bill,

    I am sad to hear your news….Hang in there…you will get through this…may not be easy I’m sure…but it will happen. I’ll say some prayers for you…
    dawn

  26. Dar says:

    Goodness, Bill, wishing you and your family the best.

  27. connie says:

    Bill, I’m so sorry. Sending good thoughts your way. Connie

  28. Erin says:

    Bill, sending you lots of love. I have been thinking about you. wishing you well, if there is anything I can do, please ask ♥ Erin

  29. Barbara Pask says:

    Hi Bill, I keep checking in on you, I just read the comments and see that you have troubles. I’m sorry to hear that, good thoughts coming your way. Take care

  30. Beautiful composition, colors and values, LOVE this one!!

  31. wrjones says:

    Diane, thanks. Say, could you start a write in campaign to get the Louvre to purchase this piece? It may be my only chance to stop mama from calling me useless. I’m depending on you. I will go learn some French for the hanging ceremony. You can come. Do you have enough free airline miles for us both?

  32. Krista says:

    Oh my! I loved looking your paintings and then started reading your posts. Hilarious! I especially loved your writing on this one. I’m all for creative explanations to explain away wrongdoing (“but honey… the tree just jumped out right in front of me, honest!”). I’ve been guilty of backing into my hubby’s car (at full speed, mind you!) not once, but TWICE! Both days were apparently lacking the proper amount of caffeine transfusion. Great blog you have.

  33. That is a very cool painting. The proportions and the body language of the toddler is right on. Love the chickens. Wish I could be a vegetarian but alas, not going to happen…..

  34. wrjones says:

    Krista – thanks. Are you still married? He must be a saint. I remember my wife calling me at work to say she had some bad news and some good news. The bad news was that her car had rolled out of driveway and hit another car. The good news was that the other car was mine. We are still married (yes I am a saint). Just an ordinary tip for you – look out the back before stepping on gas.

    Mary – thanks. I like chickens too. I really love listening to roosters crow in the morning. I guess it reminds me of Iowa. If you do make the switch to vegetarian I recommend Snickers and Pepsi. You can survive and thrive on those (for awhile but you probably should run some, unlike me, else you may balloon up.)

  35. Diane says:

    Reblogged this on Other News Journal and commented:
    I always wonder how painters, musicians and other people (in general) see their world.

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