Long Walk

By WR Jones

I fondly remember the days of my youth when I could eat like a horse.  I recall having a plate of pork fat fried potatoes, coffee, a donut, and a cigarette with my thoughts focused on the moment’s pleasure not the near future horrible death awaiting.  The only knowledge we had of calories back then was how many it took to boil a cup of mayonnaise I think.   Modern medical thinking has put a damper on any sort of oral enjoyment.

I got this iPhone GPS app to track pace, distance, calories burned, and the way back home.  I was expecting it to make me feel better about my Sunday walk to get oatmeal.  Expectation is the mother of disappointment my daughter tells me.  She is right.  I totally pissed away my $0.99 on that app.

What I found was that in 2.5 miles I burned 98 Cal.  I had to walk my ass off to break even with a McDonald’s oatmeal and cup of coffee with Splenda.  I’ve been craving some pork ribs and a 1/2 loaf of onion rings.  I’ve got to end this post and get started walking.  I figure I will have to walk across California and look for a ribs place in Tucson, AZ to break even on that calorie load.

Act Now!

By WR Jones

This scene is a Virgina farm my sister and I drove by while looking for something to paint.  Ok, enough about painting.  Here is my latest ongoing aggravation -

I’m watching TV and on comes this loudmouth salesman pushing plastic tape to fix stuff.  Fix a leaky faucet, the garden hose, your spouse’s mouth, etc.  If you want to sell stuff, fine.  The part that pisses me off is the pitch, “3 Rolls of this miracle tape for the give away price of $10″ (leaving the poor sacrificing fools only $9.85 profit margin).  Ok, if you want to screw your fellow man and he is willing to take the hit, fine by me.  HOWEVER, don’t further my already rampant annoyance by telling me if I will only act now, in the next few seconds, before this chance of a lifetimes slips by me forever, you will throw in another 3 rolls for FREE!!! all I have to pay is for the extra shipping AND handling.

Here is my question, if you are dipping into the bin to get 3 rolls of tape and you have to get 3 more, how much extra handling is that exactly?  Call me paranoid but, I’m thinking the payment for EXTRA handling actually pays for the tape + profit + shipping + taxes + lunch + screw the sucker fees.

Still, I like the sales concept.  I will sell you this painting for the low low price of $500 + shipping and handling.  If you call me in the next few minutes (no wait, make that the next few months) I will throw in another previously sold painting for FREE, just pay the shipping, repo, and fondling fees.