Abuse of the English LanguageJanuary 24, 2010
By W. R. Jones
As a board certified horse whisperer I can tell you the English translation of the sarcastic remark of the black horse. “Damn you daft camel, I thought you said there would be water here!” The gray horse is thinking, “Oh oh, I must have made a wrong turn back at the tree line. Now she will be bitch neighing me ’til the cows come home.”
I heard a political analyst remark on tv a few days ago, “It is not in the interest of any republican to see this government succeed.” Are you shitting me? How, with the exception of those greedy, power hungry, ego tripped out senators, et al, would it not be in the interest of EVERY person in this country to have the government succeed?
I can’t seem to get the hang of this English language. The other day I received an envelope that said there was a free prepaid cremation offer inside. I had to fight to urge to tear it open. I was afraid it might be one of those too-good-to-believe offers that I would unable to turn down. What if it was so good I wanted to be cremated immediately to make the offer deadline? I still had some chores to do around the house. I’ve never seen free and prepaid put together like that before. I started thinking maybe my wife prepaid it. She was still ticked at me for getting a tiny (by reasonable standards) daub of paint on her favorite dress. The upside of that incident is for future reference I could mark the color as staining.